Buffy Episode #116: "Hells Bells" Transcript

Written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner
Original Air Date: March 5, 2002

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com).
Transcriber's Notes:


GILES VOICEOVER: Previously:
Buffy in ninja-wear busting into Spike's crypt.
SPIKE: Buffy. If I'd-a known you were coming, I'd-a baked a cake.
BUFFY: Tell me you love me.
SPIKE: I love you.
BUFFY: Tell me you want me.
SPIKE: I always want you.
Buffy and Spike lying on the coffin, kissing.
Xander and Anya in the magic shop.
XANDER: Anya, you wanna marry me?
ANYA: Yes.
Xander and Anya announcing their engagement.
XANDER: We're getting married.
BUFFY: Congratulations.
Xander and Anya in the Bronze.
XANDER: Wedding. One week. We have friends, family, demons flying in, a to-do list getting no shorter.
Tara in the bedroom.
TARA: Can, can we not do this now?
Willow crying.
TARA: I don't think this is gonna work.
WILLOW: Are you saying you're gonna leave me?
Tara packing her things.
Dawn and Willow in the Bronze.
DAWN: Big wedding coming up ... you and Tara are speaking again. You wanna call her? Invite her over? WILLOW: Oh, no. Too soon for so bold a maneuver. Buffy and Spike in the crypt.
BUFFY: It's over.
SPIKE: I've memorized this tune, luv.
BUFFY: I'm using you. And it's killing me. I'm sorry, William.
Buffy walking away from Spike.
Dawn and Halfrek in the guidance counselor office.
HALFREK: I know there's been a lot of loss.
DAWN: People have a tendency to go away, and sometimes I wish I could just make them stop.
Dawn closing the door to the Summers house. Halfrek standing on the porch.
HALFREK: Wish granted.


Teaser

Open on close shot of Buffy's and Willow's faces, in a room, staring at something offscreen. Outside the window, lightning flashes and thunder rumbles.

WILLOW: (horrified) Buffy, it's hideous. Oh my god, Buffy. Look at its arms!
BUFFY: (nods bravely) I know. But it's my duty.

Cut to a longer shot. We see both Buffy and Willow reflected in the full-length mirror in Buffy's bedroom. They both wear extremely ugly dresses of some shiny teal fabric. Buffy's dress has short sleeves and Willow's has elbow-length sleeves. There are ruffles on all the sleeves and on the skirts from knee to floor. Each dress also has a large green flower over the heart. Buffy's hair is up in a bun and a large white flower is attached to one side of her head.

BUFFY: I'm ... Buffy the bridesmaid. (flash of lightning, clap of thunder)
WILLOW: (disgusted) Duty-schmuty. I'm supposed to be best man. Shouldn't I be all ... Marlene Dietrich-y in a dashing tuxedo number?
BUFFY: No.
WILLOW: Oh. (pouts)
BUFFY: That would be totally unfair. We must share equally in the cosmic joke that is bridesmaids-dom.

Buffy groans and sits down on the bed.

WILLOW: (whining) Well, maybe ... if I ask Anya, I can still go with the traditional ... blood larva and burlap. (Buffy putting on earrings) I mean, she was a, a vengeance demon for like a thousand years, she would know all the most flattering ... larvae. (makes a face) What was she thinking?
BUFFY: I think she's probably too stressed to be thinking right now. What with Xander's relatives and her ... demons.
WILLOW: Oh my god, last night, that rehearsal dinner. That was like a, a zoo without the table manners. And I bet it got worse after we left.
BUFFY: I just can't believe everyone bought that story about Anya's people being circus folk. Did you see the guy with the tentacles? What's he supposed to be? Inky the Squid Boy?
WILLOW: And Xander's family. I haven't seen them that bad since my bat mitzvah. Ugh, did you see how much they drank?
BUFFY: Kinda. Mr. Harris threw up in my purse.

Willow makes a sympathetic face.

Anya appears in the doorway, wearing a bathrobe. She sees the other two, gasps and puts her hands to her mouth.

ANYA: Oh!

Buffy and Willow exchange a look, unsure whether Anya is delighted or horrified.

ANYA: Ohh. (sighs) You guys look so beautiful!

She walks over and hugs them both at the same time.

ANYA: This is the happiest day of my whole life!

Lightning flashes again. Across Anya's back, Willow and Buffy exchange another look. Willow looks annoyed, Buffy tolerant.
XANDER VOICEOVER: You seen my cuff-links, Uncle Rory?

Cut to Xander's apartment. Xander stands near the kitchen nook, wearing a tuxedo shirt (only partially buttoned) and black pants. We see an older man in a purple bathrobe, red boxers, and no shirt, fiddling with the coffee machine.

XANDER: Little metal deals, hold my sleeves together? (holds up his hands so we can see the open cuffs)
UNCLE RORY: Ah, you don't want those. What you really want is Velcro. Did I ever tell you how that was my idea?
KRELVIN: 'Scuse me, coming through.

A demon (Krelvin) goes by, patting Xander on the back. He is almost normal-looking except for his extremely warty face. Uncle Rory opens a drawer and pokes around. In background we see a large middle-aged woman (Cousin Carol) pouring cereal into a bowl for a little girl (Karen).

KRELVIN: (to Xander) Hey.
XANDER: Hey!
KRELVIN: How you doin'?
XANDER: Good.

Krelvin proceeds toward the refrigerator. Closer shot of Cousin Carol and Karen staring. Krelvin opens the fridge.

XANDER: Rory? Whatcha doin' there?
UNCLE RORY: (bending over, fiddling with the coffee machine) Well, I'm trying to make myself an Irish coffee, but this stupid thing is on the fritz.
XANDER: Yeah, uh, watch it, it's still plugged in.

Suddenly Uncle Rory straightens up and begins to shake as if he's electrocuting. Xander lunges forward to unplug the coffee machine. Uncle Rory stops shaking.

UNCLE RORY: Gotcha.

Xander rolls his eyes, exasperated. Little Karen takes a hit from an asthma inhaler.

KRELVIN: (closing fridge) Oh, is, is that broken? You want me to take a look at that?
UNCLE RORY: Knock yourself out there, Kevin. (moves the coffee maker to the edge of the counter)
KRELVIN: Uh, it's, uh, Krelvin.
UNCLE RORY: Right, right. Krelvin.

The door opens and two more middle-aged people enter, dressed for rainy weather. The woman (Xander's Mom, Jessica Harris) has on a long coat, and a scarf tied around her head. The man (Xander's Dad, Anthony Harris) wears a tuxedo with a raincoat over it.

MRS. HARRIS: Whoo! (waving at everyone)
MR. HARRIS: (tapping his watch) Xander, you're not ready yet? (Xander rolling his eyes)
MRS. HARRIS: Look at my hair. (looking at her reflection in a compact) Of course, I suppose it doesn't really matter, 'cause I won't actually be in any of the pictures.
XANDER: (exasperated) You'll be in the pictures, Mom.
KRELVIN: I think your hair looks lovely. (resumes examining the coffee machine)
MRS. HARRIS: Oh.

Xander's Dad looks annoyed.

XANDER: Hey, hey, how's about some breakfast? (Uncle Rory walks by, gives Xander's Dad a coffee mug)
MRS. HARRIS: Oh, well, I guess if I'm a little plump it doesn't matter, since I won't really be-
XANDER: You'll be in the pictures, Mom!
MR. HARRIS: (gestures with coffee cup toward Krelvin) That's one of hers, right? (to Krelvin) Hey. You're one of hers, right?
XANDER: You met Krelvin already, Dad. Last night.
KRELVIN: Yeah. Yeah, uh, we met. You, uh, you said I resembled your mother-in-law.
MRS. HARRIS: Tony!
MR. HARRIS: (remembering) Oh, yeah.
KRELVIN: And then, you hit me with a cocktail wiener, and then you insulted my heritage.
MR. HARRIS: Heritage? Being circus folks is suddenly heritage now? I mean no disrespect, of course. (shot of Xander looking resigned as his mother buttons his shirt) I'm sure you come from a long, proud line of geeks.

Mr. Harris is amused. Xander isn't. He brushes past his father toward the door.

MR. HARRIS: I'm kidding. Just kidding.
COUSIN CAROL: Xander? Xander!

Cousin Carol hurries up to Xander as he's trying to escape.

COUSIN CAROL: (softly) You know that guy Kevin? If he could clear up the skin problem... do you think... (sighs) Do you suppose he'd date a woman with a kid? (Xander staring at her) I mean, I really can't afford to be very picky.
XANDER: Cousin Carol? Your earrings are my cufflinks.
COUSIN CAROL: They are? (puts hands to her ears) Oh my. Oops.

She takes off the "earrings" and hands them over.

XANDER: Excellent. (calls toward the others) Cufflinks: check. We're rolling. Nothing on earth can stop this wedding now.

Cut to: exterior Sunnydale, business district. It's pouring rain. The streets are deserted. Suddenly the outline of a man appears, in red, walking. It turns into an actual man. He is elderly, wears a raincoat and holds an umbrella. He pauses, looks around, opens the umbrella and holds it over his head, resumes walking. Lightning flashes, thunder rumbles.

Wolf howl. Opening credits.

Guest starring Casey Sander, Kali Rocha, Andy Umberger, Lee Garlington, Jan Hoag, George D. Wallace, Amber Benson as Tara, and Steven Gilborn. Written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner, directed by David Solomon.


Act I

Open on close shot of Xander's waist with the tuxedo shirt tucked into the pants and the cummerbund covering it.

XANDER: (panting) Is it too small?

Cut out to reveal Buffy standing behind Xander, trying to fasten the cummerbund. Buffy is wearing the tuxedo jacket over her bridesmaid dress.

BUFFY: (unconvincingly) Nah.
XANDER: (nervous) It fit when I picked up the tux. How could it not fit now?
BUFFY: (pulling) It'll fit.
XANDER: Aw, man, what if it doesn't? (looking at himself in a mirror) What if I can't wear my cummerbund, (panicking) and then the whole world can see the place where my pants meet my shirt? Buffy, that can NOT happen. I must wear das cummerbund!

Sound of fabric straining as Buffy pulls hard on the cummerbund.

BUFFY: (strained) And so... you... shall!

She finishes fastening it and removes her hands, smiling triumphantly.

XANDER: Hey, you got it! (turning to face her)
BUFFY: (smiling) Slayer strength.

Buffy takes a bow-tie from around her neck and puts it around Xander's neck, begins tying it.

XANDER: And I've been meaning to cut back on that habit-forming oxygen.
BUFFY: Look at you. You look great, Mr. About-To-Get-Married. (smiling) Glowing.

Beat while Buffy continues trying to tie the bow-tie. Suddenly she stops smiling.

BUFFY: Oh my god! Maybe you're pregnant!
XANDER: (grins) Maybe. I dunno. Maybe I'm just happy.

Buffy looks at him, starts to well up.

XANDER: (concerned) Teary.
BUFFY: Oh! (sniffles) Good. Good teary.
XANDER: Happy teary? Not frustrated with bow-tie teary?
BUFFY: (still fiddling with bow tie) Yes. Happy. Happy for you. That makes me happy for me. You and Anya give me hope. It's like ... you two are proof that there's light at the end of this very long, long, nasty tunnel. And, I cannot tie this tie. Isn't, where's your best man, isn't she supposed to do this?
XANDER: Well, she said she had something important to do.

Cut to: close shot of Anya's waist, wearing bridal gown. Hands attempting to button the tiny buttons all up the back of the gown.

Pan up to reveal that it's Tara trying to button the gown while Willow stands watching.

WILLOW: Want me to hold it shut for you?
TARA: O-okay.

They both smile nervously. Willow reaches over to hold the edges of the gown shut.

ANYA: (OS) Are you guys even listening?

Cut to close shot on Anya. Her shoulders are bare and she wears an eye-mask over her face. Her hair is in curlers. We still don't see the bridal gown.

ANYA: I need feedback, people.
TARA: Sorry. Please continue with the vows. (smiling at Willow)
ANYA: (clears throat) 'I, Anya, promise to ... love you, to cherish you, (Willow kneeling down to work on the dress) ...to honor you, uh, but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?'

Tara and Willow grin in amusement and giggle a little, exchanging a look behind Anya's back.

ANYA: 'However, I do entrust you with...' (pauses, hears the others chuckling) What? Is something funny?
TARA: No, n-nothing, sweetie, just, just keep still. (smiling at Willow)
ANYA: (clears throat) Okay. Blah, blah, blah, misogynistic. Blah, blah, 'I do however entrust you ... um, with my heart. Take care of my heart, won't you please? Take care of it because, it's all that I have. And, if you let me, I'll take care of your heart too.'

Willow and Tara exchange another look, less giggly, more moved.

ANYA: 'I'll protect it and tend to it, like a little stray.' Wait, no. 'Like a, a little mangy stray that needs a home.' (Willow and Tara amused again) No, that's not it either.
TARA: Um... (clears throat) I think we're all set here. Let's ... take a look at you.

Anya turns around as Willow and Tara step back, standing side by side. They both gaze at Anya with open mouths.

TARA: Oh.
WILLOW: Wow. You look lovely. Really... lovely.

Anya smiles, turns away from them again to face the mirror. We finally get a full-body shot of her in the bridal gown. It's white, strapless, fitted down to the knees then flaring out into the train. Anya is standing on a low platform in front of the mirror.

ANYA: Thanks. It's probably the blush of imprudent spending. Do you think Xander will like it? (turns back to them, nervously) Oh, I want to see Xander now!
WILLOW: You can't. It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress, remember?
ANYA: Right. I can't keep all these ridiculous traditions straight. What if I'm not wearing my dress when I see him? (Willow giving her a scolding look) Okay, no sex. Cuddling? (Willow and Tara giggling) Okay. It's just I'm so excited and I want to share it all with my best friend. (excited) I get to be with my best friend forever! (squealing) Yay!

Cut to: exterior shot of the wedding location. The sign above the doors reads: "Sunnydale Bison's Lodge." Cars are pulling up, people are walking in the two sets of double-doors. It's still raining and the guests have umbrellas, etc.

Cut to inside the lobby. Guests arriving, ushers taking their coats, people standing around chatting, etc.

Pan over to where Uncle Rory is standing with his arm around a young blonde woman, who wears a black-and-white caterer's uniform. Dawn stands there with them, wearing the ugly green bridesmaid dress.

UNCLE RORY: Guess who agreed to be my date for tonight.
CATERER: I'm really supposed to be working. I'm one of the caterers?
UNCLE RORY: Oh, hush, hush. No woman of mine is gonna work. All you have to do is sit pretty, and laugh when I tell a good one. Tell her what a funny guy I am, Dawnie.
DAWN: (quickly) Gotta go. (nervous laugh) Enjoy the wedding.

Dawn makes her escape. Uncle Rory laughs, turns around. He still has his arm around the caterer's shoulders so she is forced to turn with him.

UNCLE RORY: (noticing something) Oh. Bad head.
CATERER: What?

We see a large bison head mounted on the wall. It wears a bridal veil.

UNCLE RORY: Well, the lip wasn't split right. (lets her go, walks over to the head) You see, what you gotta do is you gotta grab the lip between your thumb and your finger, and then you have to slice right through the center of the meat.

He makes demonstrating gestures. The caterer nods politely. Then he puts his arm around her again.

UNCLE RORY: It was my trade. (leading her away) I used to stuff things. I still do. But only for fun.

Cut to Dawn moving through the crowd. A couple of goth-types nod politely at her. She smiles at them, then gets to the front door just as D'Hoffryn enters, carrying a bright orange box with a purple bow. He gives his umbrella to an attendant and looks at Dawn.

D'HOFFRYN: Ah. Hymen's greetings.
DAWN: Hy - what?
D'HOFFRYN: Hymen, the God of Matrimony. His salutations upon you. May the love we celebrate today avoid an almost inevitable decline.
DAWN: (shrugging) Cool.
D'HOFFRYN: I brought a gift. I suppose there's a table.

Behind him we see Halfrek entering, giving her umbrella to the attendant. She is wearing a bridesmaid's dress and her demon face.

DAWN: Oh, uh... (noticing Halfrek) Halfrek. Hello.
HALFREK: Oh, please! Call me Hallie, we're practically family now.
DAWN: (displeased) Hmm. Neat. (to D'Hoffryn) I can put this on the table for you.
D'HOFFRYN: (giving her the box) Thank you. Uh, careful, it's, uh-
DAWN: Fragile?
D'HOFFRYN: Squirmy.

Dawn looks at the box. We see that it has numerous holes in it. A tentacle pokes out of one of them, making Dawn jump and gasp.

DAWN: Oh.

Looking a bit nervous, she turns away, carrying the box. Halfrek falls in step beside her. D'Hoffryn follows behind.

HALFREK: So, Dawnie, how's everything? Going good? Nothing you, uh, nothing you *wish* was different...?
D'HOFFRYN: Hallie, for Yekk's sake, take a day off. We're not here to do vengeance, we're here to mingle.

Close shot on the box as Dawn puts it down on a table. The tentacles continue poking out.

HALFREK: (OS) Oh, look. It's (unintelligible)

Dawn finishes dealing with the box and turns toward the door.

Long shot of Spike entering, with his arm around a Skanky Goth Girl. He looks around, super-casual. Dawn spots him and walks toward him.

DAWN: Spike!
SPIKE: (turns) Oh. Uh, I want you to meet my date.
DAWN: (politely) Hi. I'm Dawn. (shaking hands)
SKANKY GOTH GIRL: Uh-huh.
SPIKE: (still trying to be cool) So, yeah. Anyway, that's my date. She's with me. My date for the wedding.
DAWN: (not getting it) Yeah. Okay, well, nice meeting you.

They move off in opposite directions.

The camera continues following Dawn through the crowd. There's a mixture of regular people and demons.

Dawn passes a small group that includes Cousin Carol, Xander's Mom, Uncle Rory, and two demons. One has tentacles on his face and huge clawed hands like lobster claws. The other is Clem.

COUSIN CAROL: So, circus folk. What's that like?
UNCLE RORY: Uh, your friend, uh, the, the fellow with the warts, went off on his circus 'heritage,' like you folks are all in some kind of cult or something.
CLEM: Well, there are ancient ways. (the others staring at him) Clowning, as an occupation, grew out of the commedia del'arte, and, uh, ancient sports, of course. (Cousin Carol nodding, smiling)
UNCLE RORY: Yeah, well, the thing is, if you expect Xander to bring up his kids in some kinda foreign-speaky bow-to-the-easty kinda cult-
TENTACLE DEMON: So you think the children should be raised in ignorance of our ways? (Xander's Mom looking nervous)
COUSIN CAROL: No! No, the Harrises are very broad-minded. We're Episcopalians.

Shot of Xander's Mom smiling nervously. In background, we see her husband sitting at the bar holding a glass.

MR. HARRIS: 'Til death do us part. (cut to closer shot as he laughs sourly) That's what cracks me up.

He drains his glass and puts it down on the bar.

MR. HARRIS: Hit me again, barkeep.

In the crowd, we see the old man from before. He walks among the people, looking around, looking anxious.

Cut to another room. Xander is now fully dressed with properly tied bow-tie, jacket, corsage in the jacket pocket, hair neatly combed. He finishes adjusting the jacket and takes a deep breath.

XANDER: How do I look?

Reveal Buffy sitting in a chair in front of him.

BUFFY: Well, let's see. (looking him slowly up from feet to head) Found your shoes ... your fly's zipped. I'd say you look like you're ready to get married.

Xander nods nervously. Buffy gets up and walks over to him.

BUFFY: You're one of the decent ones, Xander. I hope I'm as lucky as you guys someday.
XANDER: You wanna get lucky? I've still got, what, fifteen, twenty minutes?

Buffy smiles, hugs him.

BUFFY: Oh! All right. (pulls back) Into the breach with you.
XANDER: Okay, breach me.

Buffy takes his hand and they head toward the door.

XANDER: Now, let's go over the list one more time. Number one?

Cut to the corridor as they emerge and begin to walk.

BUFFY: Don't let your dad near the bar.
XANDER: Check. Number two?
BUFFY: Don't let your mom near the bar.
XANDER: Check.
DAWN: (OS) Hey Buffy.

Xander and Buffy turn as Dawn comes around a corner behind them. They don't stop walking. Dawn falls in with them.

DAWN: Spike's here and he brought a total skank.
BUFFY: (confused) A-
DAWN: Skank! A manic-panicked freak who he's like totally macking with right in the middle of the room. (they stop walking) I saw him shove his tongue-
BUFFY: Spike brought a date?
DAWN: Yeah. (snickering) Wait till you see her.

Buffy looks like she isn't sure how she feels about that.

XANDER: Guys, I better go meet and greet.
BUFFY: Uh, just go ahead. I'll be a sec.

Xander walks off. Dawn and Buffy watch him go.

Xander gets to the doors leading out into the main lodge area. The doors are closed. He pauses for a moment, composing himself, taking a deep breath. Then reaches for the doorknob.

Cut to the lobby. Xander opens the door and peeks out. Then moves into the room, closing the door behind him. A guy comes up to him and shakes his hand. He smiles and nods. Other people notice Xander, turn to smile at him, pat his back, shake his hand, say "congratulations" etc. Xander moves through the crowd.

An elderly woman starts pinching Xander's cheeks. His mom comes up.

MRS. HARRIS: Alexander. Do you realize that the usher sat us in the third row?
XANDER: Mom, I'm sure it was a mistake.
MRS. HARRIS: Well, I-I don't think it was really-

The creepy old man comes over, as does Uncle Rory.

OLD MAN: Excuse me.
UNCLE RORY: Say Neph, do you know where the photographer is? I've got a proposition for him-
OLD MAN: (tugging Xander's arm) Please, I really need to talk to you.
DAWN: (OS) Xander?
MRS. HARRIS: Honey, listen to me.

Xander is surrounded and looks a bit overwhelmed. Dawn comes hurrying over.

DAWN: Xander, one of Anya's presents got loose!
XANDER: Got loose?
MRS. HARRIS: It's fine- (unintelligible)
DAWN: Yeah, it's a fully live squiggily thingy (Xander's mom still talking) and hey, and why is Halfrek a bridesmaid?
OLD MAN: Please, please, you have to listen. (pulls Xander away) You have to listen to me!

Dawn, Rory, and Xander's Mom continue talking over each other as the old man pulls Xander a few feet away.

OLD MAN: You can't get married today. It's a huge mistake.
XANDER: Yeah right, thanks for the advice, Uncle ... help me here?
OLD MAN: Uncle? You don't recognize me, do you?
XANDER: I'm sorry, I don't-
OLD MAN: It sounds crazy, I know. But you have to believe me. (Xander looking puzzled) I'm Xander Harris. I'm you.

Xander stares at him.
Blackout.


Act II

Same scene.

XANDER: What do you mean, you're me?
OLD MAN: I'm you. I'm you from the future.
XANDER: Oh, from the future! For a minute I thought you were a nutball but now that you're from the future-
OLD MAN: (agitated) Please, listen to me. I found a way back to warn you. To tell you-
XANDER: Hey, hey, easy, easy. Everything's going to be all right.
MR. HARRIS: (OS) Toast!
XANDER: (looks over his shoulder) I swear I told that guy no drinks before the ceremony.
MR. HARRIS: (OS) Toast!

We see Mr. Harris at the bar, standing up and raising his glass as the other guests look over.

MR. HARRIS: A toast! To the Harris clan.
OLD MAN: Look. Look! I can prove it to you.
MR. HARRIS: (faintly in background) I know in the past we've had our problems...

The old man reaches into his pants pocket and takes out a small glowing purple orb. Xander's Dad continues talking in the background.

OLD MAN: I thought you might need convincing. Come on. Follow me.

He leads Xander away. Xander looks over his shoulder at his dad, who continues talking, quite drunk.

MR. HARRIS: ...and to my wife, Jessica. Where are you, honey?

He looks around. Mrs. Harris is standing amongst the others, looking embarrassed. Uncle Rory points at her.

MR. HARRIS: There she is. (raising glass) To my wife. What would I do without you, beautiful?

Mrs. Harris looks a bit surprised, smiles.

MR. HARRIS: Wellllllll, for starters, I probably wouldn't need to drink so much, would I.

Mrs. Harris looks hurt. The other guests look uncomfortable.

MR. HARRIS: On the brighter side, marriage has probably saved me from a nasty dose of the clap. (chuckles) Here's to ya. (drinks)

We see Clem and the Tentacle Demon standing side-by-side nearby.

CLEM: Does this jerk ever shut up?
TENTACLE DEMON: He's starting to make my suckers twitch.
MR. HARRIS: And a toast ... to the bride's dermatologically-challenged family shrub.
TENTACLE DEMON: Sit down!
MR. HARRIS: Hey, I paid for all this! You want me to sit down, you cough up a couple of grand, Squidly.

The Tentacle Demon starts toward Mr. Harris, angry.

TENTACLE DEMON: What'd you call me, you drunken piece of sh-
BUFFY: Mazel tov!

Buffy appears and grabs Mr. Harris's arm, leading him away just in time. They walk off as Clem moves to placate the tentacle demon.

MR. HARRIS: Hey, what's this?
BUFFY: (super-cheerful) You must be so happy for Xander on his very special, once-in-a-lifetime day, huh, Mr. Harris?
MR. HARRIS: (ogling her) Nice chassis, what's under the hood? Rrowr!
BUFFY: You know, I could use a strong cup of coffee. Hey, let's get you one too, what do you say?
MR. HARRIS: Did you used to own a little square pinkish purse?
BUFFY: (less cheerful, sighs) I did.

As they pass by, we see Spike standing by a wall with his skanky date. He watches Buffy go by.

MR. HARRIS: I thought so. Hey, what do you say we slip in the back room and I show you my-
BUFFY: You finish that sentence and I guarantee you won't have anything to show.

Mr. Harris stares at Buffy. She yanks his arm, pulling him away.

Cut to another room. The old man enters, still holding the glass orb (no longer glowing). Xander follows. They walk into the middle of the room and face each other. The old man holds the orb in both hands.

XANDER: What is it?
OLD MAN: It's magic. (The orb begins to glow again) Very powerful. Look at it. You'll see what I've seen. Feel what I've felt.

Xander stares at the orb. It continues to glow with a strong purple light.

Suddenly the light shoots in a beam from the orb onto Xander's forehead. Then he seems to morph into the beam of light and gets sucked back into the orb.

Cut to: a messy living room. An ironing board piled with clothes, stuff on the floor, etc. In background we see a foyer and a door to the outside. It's sunny. In foreground there's a big leather-covered armchair.

The stream of light appears and resolves into Xander, sitting in the chair, holding a bottle of beer in one hand and a TV remote in the other. He still wears his tuxedo.

Shot of the TV, showing a football game.

XANDER: (calls) Anya.

No reply. He sits staring at the TV for a beat.

XANDER: Anya!

Two children come running in. The boy is a little older, about ten and the girl is about eight. The girl has bright makeup on her face and large pointed ears.

SARAH: (shrieks) Get the hell away from me! Dad, Josh is teasing me.
JOSH: Sarah's a weirdo! Sarah's a weirdo!

Sarah whines and runs off, pursued by Josh. Anya appears in the doorway, wearing a red suit, tucking her blouse into the skirt. Her expression is bored, or resigned.

ANYA: (to Xander) What.
XANDER: You going out again?
ANYA: (picking up a small wastebasket) I'm doing a make-over party.
XANDER: I thought you hated those.
ANYA: Well, one of us has to make some money. (picking up empty beer bottles)
XANDER: (angry) Well, what do you want me to do, Anya? Huh? I can't work. My back is shot.
ANYA: And whose fault is that?
XANDER: Oh, no no no. Not the Buffy thing again.
ANYA: You had no business fighting demons with her.
XANDER: Buffy needed me. I had to help.
ANYA: (bitterly) Well, it didn't save her, did it? (Xander drinking beer) All it did was ruin our lives.

Anya turns away, puts the wastebasket down. Xander sits staring at the TV, but not seeing it, looking hurt.

ANYA: (OS) I'll be late.

Xander continues sitting there upset. Anya leaves out the front door, slamming it.

XANDER: (yells) I hope you crash in your stupid pink car!

Flash to a restaurant, years later. Xander and Anya sit on one side of a booth, their children on the other. Now Josh is about eighteen and Sarah about sixteen. Xander still wears his tux and looks the same age, but Anya looks about fifty. Josh is staring at a Palm Pilot or similar device in his hand.

Xander is drinking red wine. He pauses, looks at Anya who's looking at him.

XANDER: What?
SARAH: (OS) I hate this place.

Anya shakes her head at Xander as if to say 'nothing'. We see that Sarah's large floppy demon ears are much bigger now, and have many piercings.

SARAH: You guys know I don't eat wheat.
JOSH: You don't eat anything, freak.
SARAH: At least I'm not a mama's boy.
JOSH: At least I'm not a demonic freak.
SARAH: Dad, make him cut it!
XANDER: Maybe you should talk to your mother about that.
ANYA: You've had too much wine.
XANDER: Have I? (angry) I'm just saying maybe you should talk to your daughter!
SARAH: Ohh, I hate you guys! (standing up) And I know that you're not my real dad, and I hate you, I hate you both! I wish you'd die!

Sarah storms off. Anya continues eating. Xander takes another sip of wine.

JOSH: This sucks.

Flash to a kitchen, even more years later. The sink is piled with dirty dishes.

XANDER: (O.S.) If you were so unhappy, why didn't you just leave?
ANYA: (O.S.) I wanted to. I should have!

Pan over to a small table against a wall. Xander and Anya sit there, facing each other across the table. He is still in his tux and still the same age. Anya is much older.

XANDER: Yeah, you should have. 'Cause then maybe I would have gotten some touch in the past twenty years.
ANYA: I wasn't the one who stopped touching!
XANDER: Oh! Maybe, but you weren't touching me!

He jumps up angrily, begins to pace.

ANYA: What did you expect me to do? You wouldn't come near me after Buffy-
XANDER: (shouts) Don't bring her into this!
ANYA: Fine. Forget her. Maybe you were just born to be a bitter, angry old man.
XANDER: (quietly, very angry) Shut up.
ANYA: No! (tearfully) I want my life back! If I hadn't married you I wouldn't have had to hate myself for the last THIRTY YEARS!

Xander grabs a frying pan off the stove and lunges toward Anya, screaming.
XANDER: SHUT UP!

As he swings the frying pan toward her face, we flash back to the present. The purple light clears away from Xander's face.

Shot of the orb in the old man's hands. The light goes back into it and it stops glowing.

Xander is panting, looks shocked.

OLD MAN: I'm so sorry. I didn't want to show you.
XANDER: What happened? What was that?
OLD MAN: A glimpse of your future. Harnessed ... by magic.
XANDER: Is she okay? (panicky) Is she okay, what did I do?!
OLD MAN: Listen. I don't have long here. The spell that brought me back, it won't last. (Xander still looking shell-shocked) But you can change things. It doesn't have to go like this. But you can't marry Anya.
XANDER: But-
OLD MAN: You'll hurt her less today than you will later. Believe me. Sometimes, two people ... all they bring each other ... is pain.

Xander stares at him, horrified.

Cut to the lobby. Buffy walks by. Most of the guests have taken their seats in the main room. There are short white pedestals holding vases of flowers at the entrance to the aisle.

Buffy walks along the corridor, pauses as she spots something up ahead.

Reveal Spike, leaning against a wall. His skanky date is nowhere to be seen. He looks up, notices Buffy, looks down at the floor.

Buffy looks nervous, steels herself and walks over to him.

SPIKE: (quietly) Hello, Buffy.
BUFFY: Hey.
SPIKE: It's a happy occasion. You meet my friend?
BUFFY: No. Not yet. But she seems like a very nice attempt at making me jealous.
SPIKE: (small smile) Is it working?
BUFFY: (quietly) A little. It doesn't change anything ... but if you're wildly curious, yeah, it hurts.
SPIKE: (softly) I'm sorry. (remembers himself) Or, Good!

Buffy smiles a little.

SPIKE: You want us to go?
BUFFY: No. No, I ... you have every right to be here. I pretty much deserve-
SPIKE: That's not true, you... (sighs, looks at the ceiling) God, this is hard.
BUFFY: Yeah.
SPIKE: (sighs) I think we'll go.
BUFFY: Go where? To your place?
SPIKE: (not thrilled) Yeah, I suppose. That was the idea.
BUFFY: Yeah.
SPIKE: (defensively) Evil.
BUFFY: Of course.
SPIKE: But I won't. Or I... (frustrated) I'll just go. Give 'em my best or whatever. The happy couple.
BUFFY: I will.
SPIKE: (quietly) It's nice to watch you be happy. For them, even. I don't see it a lot. You, uh... you glow.
BUFFY: (smiles) That's because the dress is radioactive.

Spike snorts. They share an amused moment.

BUFFY: I should...
SPIKE: Yeah.

She starts to walk past him.

SPIKE: But it hurts?

She stops, turns back.

BUFFY: Yeah.
SPIKE: (quietly) Thanks.

He turns and walks off. Buffy watches him go.

BUFFY: (to herself) You're welcome.

We see Spike a bit farther down the hall, finding his date. He grabs her hand.

SPIKE: Let's go then.
SKANKY GOTH GIRL: What about the wedding?
SPIKE: Let's just piss off, all right?

He pulls her out the door.

Cut to the Bison Lodge kitchen. Xander is pacing back and forth, staring at the floor, still upset.

Willow appears in the doorway, sees him and smiles. She walks toward him.

WILLOW: I'll say this for the Y chromosome ... looks good in a tux.
XANDER: (tries to smile) Well, your double X's don't look too bad there, either.
WILLOW: (fiddles with his clothing) You're getting married. My little Xander.
XANDER: All growed up.
WILLOW: It's a good thing I realized I was gay, otherwise, hey, you, me and formal wear...

Xander gives a small smile and hugs her. Over her shoulder, his face looks very conflicted.

WILLOW: Do you know how much I love you?
XANDER: Mmm ... 'bout half as much as I love you.

Willow smiles, pulls out of the hug.

WILLOW: (smiling) You ready for the long walk?
XANDER: Um ... yeah, just give me a sec, I wanna work on my vows.
WILLOW: Take your time. It's not like we can start the wedding without you.

She smiles at him and leaves. Xander watches her go, dropping his brave smile.

Cut to the bridal room. Anya has her hair out of curlers now, pulled back and covered with the veil. She also wears a thin silver necklace.

ANYA: 'I, Anya, promise to cherish you...' Ew, no, not cherish. Uh, 'I promise...'

We see Tara sitting on a sofa nearby, observing, looking a little bored.

ANYA: '...to have sex with you whenever ... *I* want, and, uh... (walking down off the platform) uh, pledge to be your friend, and your wife, and your confidant, and your sex poodle...'
TARA: Uh, sex poodle?
ANYA: Yeah, why?
TARA: Um, I'm not sure you should say 'sex poodle' in your vows.
ANYA: Huh.

Cut to the main room. A string quartet begins to play. The guests look around, expectant.

Cut back to the bridal room. Anya hears the music faintly, looks excited.

ANYA: Music. They're playing the music! This is it.

She smiles with major excitement.

The door opens and Buffy pokes her head in.

BUFFY: Are you ready to go?

But before Anya can answer, something pulls Buffy back into the hall.

Cut to the hallway. Buffy pulls the door closed as she turns to look at Willow, who had pulled her away.

WILLOW: He's gone. Xander disappeared!

Buffy stares in dismay.
Blackout.


Act III

Same scene.

BUFFY: What? Xander's gone? (anxious) Wha-what should we do?
WILLOW: I'm gonna go look for him ... I'm gonna find him. A-and you're going to stall.

Willow rushes off. Buffy looks very nervous. She turns back to the door.

Cut back to the bridal room. Buffy re-enters.

BUFFY: Uh, heh, sorry about that. Um... (closes the door) there's just gonna be a little bit of a delay.
ANYA: Why? What's wrong?
BUFFY: Nothing! (Tara comes up beside Buffy) Nothing's wrong, it's just, um, it, the, the, minister. He had, uh ... to go ... and perform an emergency C-section.
ANYA: A C-section? (Tara looking very dubious)
BUFFY: Yeah! You know, he's, uh, not, not just a minister, he's also a, a doctor. You know, he's half-minister, half-doctor, he's a-a mini-tor. Not, of course, to be confused with a minotaur! Because he's all, you know, man, this doctor minister man, no, no bull parts whatsoever.
ANYA: (turns away to primp in the mirror) Uh-huh.
BUFFY: So it, it should just be a couple of minutes.
ANYA: Okay.

Buffy fidgets for a moment, opens the door and leaves. Tara continues standing there looking nervous.

ANYA: (still looking in mirror, clears throat) Okay. (turns to face Tara) For the last time. 'I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because ... I love you and I'll always love you. And ... before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. Not even a person, really...'

Cut to the street. Xander walks along in the rain, still wearing his tux, getting soaked.
ANYA VOICEOVER: '...and I had seen what love could do to people, and it was ... hurt and sadness. Alone was better. And then, suddenly there was you, and ... you knew me. You saw me, and it was this ... thing. You make me feel safe and warm.'

Cut back to the bridal room.

ANYA: 'So, I get it now. I finally get love, Xander. I really do.'

Cut to the main room. The guests are restless, fidgeting in their seats. All the demons are seated to the left of the aisle and the Harrises on the right -- except that Clem also sits on the right side.

KAREN: I'm bored.
COUSIN CAROL: It's a wedding, honey. We're all bored.

Buffy appears at the end of the aisle, coming to tell everyone about the delay. Seeing her, the string quartet begins to play the wedding march ("Here Comes the Bride"). Everyone turns to look. Buffy is flustered, waves at the musicians, making throat-cutting gestures, trying to get them to stop.

BUFFY: No! No, it isn't ... (to guests, nervously) It's not what you think.

She hurries toward the altar. Cousin Carol wipes her eyes with a handkerchief.

COUSIN CAROL: (tearfully) Beautiful.

Buffy goes up onto the dais to talk to the minister, putting her hand over the microphone to muffle it. The guests observe.

Close shot of Cousin Carol giving a small flirty smile across the aisle. Pan over to Krelvin, returning the smile bashfully.

Buffy finishes talking to the minister, puts on a huge fake smile and goes back down the aisle. The musicians begin to play the recessional music. Buffy glares at them, and they stop.

The guests get even more restless. Mr. Harris gets up and leaves. Mrs. Harris watches him angrily.

Cut to the bridal room. Anya is pacing angrily.

ANYA: I mean, I am sorry, but what the hell is that minister thinking?
TARA: Uh, I don't know, he-
ANYA: I mean, delivering a baby! On my special day! I mean, it's totally rude of him and the mother. I mean, why couldn't he have just told her to hold it?

Cut back to the main room. The guests are extremely fidgety.

Cut to the lobby. Mr. Harris sits on a bar stool, tapping his fingers on the bar. Mrs. Harris stands nearby.

MR. HARRIS: Gimme a double Jack.
MRS. HARRIS: This is a disaster.
MR. HARRIS: It's that Anya, I know it. She made us pay for the whole thing and now she's going to louse it up. Women!
MRS. HARRIS: (annoyed) I offered to help. She didn't want my help.

Cut to the main room. Everyone fidgets. Karen is using her inhaler. Cousin Carol gets up and walks off.

Angle on Halfrek in the front row, with D'Hoffryn behind her.

HALFREK: This thing totally isn't happening. We should have known that she would never, ever-
D'HOFFRYN: I'm worried about Anya.
HALFREK: (bitterly) Oh, sure. Of course you are.
D'HOFFRYN: Oh, Halfrek. (leans forward and puts hands on her shoulder) You know I love all my demons equally.

Halfrek looks mollified.

Cousin Carol hurries up to Buffy, who is standing at the back of the room.

COUSIN CAROL: Buffy, you've gotta do something.

Buffy looks dismayed.

Cut to: close shot of the microphone on the stage. A hand reaches out and removes the mike from its stand. Reveal Buffy looking out at the crowd.

BUFFY: (fake cheer) So ... who here's from out of town?

The guests stare at her. Beat. Then Clem raises his hand, grinning.

Cut to a doorway somewhere nearby. Dawn is talking to a teenage demon who has small curved horns on his forehead. They each hold a fruity drink.

DEMON TEEN: My family is worse.
DAWN: (scoffs) No way. Mine is so messed up you have no idea.
DEMON TEEN: No, just wait until you see my mom dance at the reception, okay, and then tell me who's messed up.
DAWN: (laughs) I guess they're all messed up.
DEMON TEEN: Yeah. Everybody's pretty lame.

Cut back to the main room. Buffy is still on stage, but the mike is back in its stand. Buffy holds up a finger, grinning.

GUESTS: First word...

Buffy puts her fingers up to her head like horns and moves from side to side.

GUESTS: (guessing) Antlers? Animals? Bull!

Buffy smiles, nods yes, points at the person who said "bull."

Cut to the hallway. Anya walks along. Tara runs up behind her.

TARA: Anya, wait up!
ANYA: This bride waits for no one. If the minister's not here yet, well then we'll just have to get married without a minister.

Cut to the main room. Buffy and Krelvin are on-stage. Buffy is juggling three yellow apples(?). Krelvin also begins to juggle another three. The guests applaud. Buffy stops juggling but drops one of her apples. She smiles a big fake smile and takes a small bow. Krelvin hands her another apple.

Cut to the doorway where Dawn and the demon teen are. They hear the applause, look over at the main room.

DEMON TEEN: Geez. What is the holdup?
DAWN: Can you keep a secret?

They start walking back toward the main room.

DAWN: Nobody knows this, but the groom? He took off and no one can find him.

They have emerged into the hallway outside the main room, and Anya goes by just in time to hear this. She stops short. Tara runs up beside her.

ANYA: (turning to Dawn) What?
DAWN: (uh-oh) Um...
DEMON TEEN: I'll catch you later, Dawn.

He bails. Dawn looks very upset.

ANYA: Xander's gone? Xander is missing? (loudly) What do you mean Xander's missing?!

Shot of the main room. Everyone heard Anya's last shout. They all turn around in their seats to look at her.

Close shot on Buffy onstage, looking dismayed.

Close shot on Anya panting, looking around in extreme anxiety. She starts forward, into the room.

UNCLE RORY: (chuckles) It's a joke. Xander's playing a joke. It's like one time, at one of Carol's weddings, I had this ape suit-
TENTACLE DEMON: Oh, great.
UNCLE RORY: -and I put it on-
TENTACLE DEMON: Another Harris family joke.

The Harrises look insulted.

TENTACLE DEMON: (to Mr. Harris) Why don't *you* have another drink?
MR. HARRIS: (slurred) Drinking ... is the only way I can dull the pain ... (stands up) of looking at your ugly face.

The Tentacle Demon stands up too, and goes over to confront Mr. Harris.

TENTACLE DEMON: You better think real hard about this, Harris.

He slaps Mr. Harris in the chest with his big claw-like hands.

MR. HARRIS: Don't touch me with those nasty circus things!

The Tentacle Demon slaps him again. Mr. Harris swings at him, but he ducks.

TENTACLE DEMON: That's it!

The demon throws a punch back, and they both fall to the floor, punching and grunting, etc.

Shot of Buffy onstage, rolling her eyes.

Everyone gets up out of their seats, shrieking and so forth. A total brawl breaks out. Buffy watches in bemusement.

Total chaos. Shot of Tara trying to make her way through the crowd, shrieking when some of the fighters bump into her.

Willow appears, grabs Tara's hands and pulls her to a safer spot.

TARA: Thanks.
WILLOW: You okay?
TARA: Yeah.

They gaze at each other.

The fight continues. Anya wanders among the brawlers, looking around.

ANYA: Xander? (to fighters) Have you seen Xander? Has anyone seen Xander?

Cousin Carol grabs Anya by the hand.

COUSIN CAROL: Well, I saw him go in the Trophy Room with that guy!

She points across the room. Long shot of the old man watching the fight. Anya looks, starts making her way toward him. She intercepts him in the corridor.

ANYA: You. You were talking to Xander right before he left. What did he say to you? What did you say to him?
OLD MAN: Really doesn't matter now, does it? It's done.
ANYA: What's done? Did you... If you said something to make him leave...
OLD MAN: You'll what? Haven't changed a bit. Still as vindictive as ever.
ANYA: (frowns) Do I know you?
OLD MAN: You don't recognize me, Anya? I'm not the man I used to be. I know.

Anya stares at him.

Cut to Buffy still onstage as the fight continues.
BUFFY: (into microphone) Guys! Will you break it up?

Cut back to Anya and the old man. He turns to leave, but she stops him.

ANYA: Xander. Where is he? You tell me, old man! You tell me why he left!
OLD MAN: He left because of you.
ANYA: (upset) I didn't do anything.
OLD MAN: Oh, really? What about this?

Suddenly the old man begins to grow, and morphs into a huge demon with gray skin, yellow eyes, and short yellowish spikes all over his head. Anya stares up at him.

Blackout.


Act IV

Same scene. The fighting continues in the main room as Anya confronts the demon.

ANYA: Tell me what you did with Xander. What are you?
DEMON: (deep demony voice) You did this. You brought this on. I've waited a long time for this, Anyanka.
ANYA: (tearful) Who are you?
DEMON: Remember Chicago? South Side, 1914?

Anya looks blank. The demon gets annoyed.

DEMON: Stewart Burns. Philanderer! You'd think you'd remember. I remember you. But then again, you ruined my life.
ANYA: You were a ... I punished you.
DEMON: That's right. Some hussy I'd been taking around summons you, next thing I know, I look like this and I'm being tortured in another dimension.
ANYA: I forgot.
DEMON: Well, I didn't.

The demon hits Anya across the face, making her reel back. Across the room, still on the stage, Buffy sees this.

BUFFY: Anya!

DEMON: Every day I remembered ... and every day I thought how I would somehow get here, and ruin your life like you ruined mine. It didn't take much either. I scared off your fiance with a couple of phony visions.
ANYA: (tearful) Visions of what?
DEMON: Your future. Or his nightmare vision of your future.
ANYA: (crying) That's it? That's all you did?
DEMON: Yeah, it was easy. Look at that, you're crying. Oh, I like that.

Anya wipes at her face with her hands.

ANYA: (whispers) Stop it.
DEMON: Oh, cry, Anyanka, cry. I love to see you cry. And now, I'd love to see you scream.

He swipes at Anya with a clawed hand, growling. She shrieks and falls to the ground.

The demon goes to swing at her again but is interrupted by Buffy hitting him in the face with a folding chair. He reels back. We see Anya lying on the floor with two bloody slashes on her arm.

Buffy struggles to move, reaches down to rip a slit up the skirt of her bridesmaid dress to free her legs.

The demon is holding Anya, who struggles against his arm.

DEMON: Come any closer and I'll kill her.

Buffy stands where she is, glaring at him.

Suddenly Xander bursts in from outside.

XANDER: Anya!
ANYA: Xander!

The demon turns to look, and Buffy takes the opportunity to kick him in the leg. He yells and lets go of Anya. Buffy punches him a couple of times, grabs him and throws him back against the wall. He punches her and she reels back.

Shot of the main room as the brawling guests begin to notice the fight in the hallway and turn to look.

Anya runs over to Xander.

ANYA: I'm so ... I'm so glad you're here. It was all lies, what he showed you ... it wasn't true, he just wanted to break us up.

Buffy is still fighting the demon. It grabs her by the shoulders but she breaks free and punches it in the gut.

XANDER: It doesn't matter now.
ANYA: So we'll be okay.

Xander still looks upset, watching Buffy and the demon fight.

Buffy kicks the demon, making it fall to its knees. She grabs its head and slams it on the floor. The demon lies there, groaning.

Buffy rushes over to Xander and Anya, pushes between them.

BUFFY: Excuse me.

She grabs the veil off of the mounted bison head, runs back over as the demon is starting to get up. She wraps the veil around its neck and pulls. The demon struggles, gagging.

Suddenly a white pedestal hits the demon in the face. He falls down unconscious. We see it was Xander wielding the pillar.

Angle on Xander and Buffy looking down at the demon. Xander lifts the pedestal again and slams it down onto the demon -- camera angle stays on their faces the whole time.

XANDER: It's dead.
BUFFY: Yup.

The whole crowd of demons and Harrises bursts into cheers and applause.

Willow, Tara, and Anya walk over to Buffy and Xander. They all stand staring down at the demon corpse (which we still don't see).

WILLOW: Is anyone else waiting for it to go poof? (they all continue staring at the corpse) Maybe we can cover it with flowers.

The guests begin picking up chairs and setting them up again.

MR. HARRIS: Look at this damage. I'm not paying for this, you freaks!
KRELVIN: Stop calling us freaks!

Krelvin goes over to Mr. Harris and shoves him in the chest. They resume fighting.

MRS. HARRIS: Oh no! No, not again! No!

Everyone begins fighting again.

ANYA: Stop It!

Everyone stops, stares at Anya.

ANYA: (commanding) Everyone sit down!

They all continue staring.

ANYA: This wedding will go on, so get back in your seats!

Everyone hastens to obey.

Cut to a moment later. Xander and Anya stand alone by the doors, which are open, showing the street outside. They hold hands.

ANYA: You know, it's bad luck to see me in my dress.

She gives a little smile. Xander just looks at her, still looking in shock.

ANYA: Hey. It's okay. It's all over now, he's dead, and it was just smoke and mirrors.
XANDER: I know.
ANYA: (smiling) So ... we're ready now. Let's get married.

She tries to turn away but Xander is still holding her hands, stopping her.

XANDER: I...

Anya turns back.

XANDER: I'm not. (Anya looking confused) I'm not ready. I can't, Ahn, I'm sorry.
ANYA: But it wa - it wasn't real. What he showed you, it wasn't real.
XANDER: I know it wasn't real. But it could be.

Beat. Anya stares at him, getting teary again.

ANYA: What was it? Was it about me? 'Cause he wanted you to hate me, Xander.
XANDER: It wasn't you. (sighs) It wasn't you I was hating. (pauses) I had these thoughts, and ... fears before this.

Another beat. Xander stares at the floor.

XANDER: Maybe we just went too fast.
ANYA: Look, everybody has thoughts. It's natural, it doesn't mean that, that getting married is wrong.
XANDER: I know, I know...
ANYA: (desperate) Look, you're just shaken up, okay? You just calm down and we'll start over, okay?

Xander looks over at the main room.

Shot of Xander's Parents yelling at each other. Mr. Harris is standing while Mrs. Harris sits in a chair.
Shot of Xander watching.
Closer shot of Xander's Dad yelling angrily. Pan down to Xander's Mom arguing back at him. It looks like he tries to hit her and she grabs his hand.
Cut back to Xander still watching them.

XANDER: (tearful) We can't start over. If this is a mistake, it's forever, and ... I don't want to hurt you. Not that way.

Close shot on their hands separating, falling to their sides.

XANDER: I'm sorry. (Anya crying) I am so sorry.

Anya sniffles, wipes her eyes with her hand, continues crying. Slowly, in a daze, she turns and walks away.

Xander watches her go. Then he turns and walks outside. Looks like it has stopped raining and is sunny.

Anya walks to the beginning of the aisle, still holding her bouquet. The cuts on her arm are a little bloody but not serious.

The string quartet begins to play the wedding march. The guests all rise.

Anya starts to walk down the aisle, still looking dazed, her face streaked with tears. The guests stare in dismay.

She stops at the other end of the aisle and just stands there.

Cut to: close shot of a coffee-table with a mug on it. A hand reaches out and picks it up.
DAWN: (OS) Should we do something for her?

We see Dawn holding the mug. She's in the Summers living room, on the armchair.

DAWN: Anything?

We see Buffy sitting on the sofa, looking sad.

WILLOW: (OS) She wants to be alone. That's what she wants.

We see Willow sitting beside Buffy, holding another mug.

WILLOW: (softly) Oh, god, it just hurts my heart to think of her.
BUFFY: (softly) I know. The whole thing hurts my heart.
DAWN: (softly) I thought they were happy.
BUFFY: They were. I know they were. They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train.
DAWN: Why did this happen?
WILLOW: I don't know. I feel like I should be hating Xander. But I can't. (sighs) I just ... I just hope he's okay.
DAWN: I wonder where he is.

Cut to: hallway of a crappy motel. The manager opens a door marked 7, revealing a crappy little room. He walks in, followed by Xander (still wearing his tux). The manager hands Xander the key.

MANAGER: Not much to explain. Air conditioner's busted.

Xander looks around blankly.

MANAGER: That's it. Check-out's at eleven.
The manager exits, closing the door behind him, leaving Xander just standing there blankly.

Fade to: close shot on Anya's face, still tear-streaked, still wearing her wedding gown but not the veil. Around her it's all black, as in a featureless demon realm.

A hand comes into shot, holding a handkerchief in front of Anya. She takes it but doesn't look up.

Pull out to reveal D'Hoffryn, circling around behind her.

D'HOFFRYN: Are you okay?
ANYA: (shakes her head) I'm tired... (sniffles) of crying. (teary) I'm just so tired, D'Hoffryn.
D'HOFFRYN: (sighs) Oh, Anyanka. I'm sorry. (pause) But you let him domesticate you. When you were a vengeance demon, you were powerful, at the top of your game. You crushed men like him.

Anya doesn't react.

D'HOFFRYN: It's time you got back to what you do best ... don't you think?

Anya finally lifts her face up to look at him. Her expression is blank.

Blackout.
Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon.


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