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Him September 17, 2002 (WHITE) Written by: Drew Z. Greenberg Directed by: Michael Gershman |
| Teaser |
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INT. XANDER'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
The door swings open and XANDER enters, all business, followed closely
by BUFFY and DAWN.
You're gonna live in that small room over there, I know it looks like a closet, but it's a room now, and you're not gonna touch my food, and I shower first in the morning, if I use up all the hot water, that's your tough noogies, and I hate this plan. He looks back
Are you keeping up, or do you need some kind of English-to-constant-pain- in-my-ass translation? Dawn looks back at Buffy, who looks back to the door where we see... SPIKE. Not coming in. He opens his mouth to speak, then lets out an exasperated little sigh. Buffy looks back to Xander
Invitation. Xander's face becomes even more weary than before.
Is there something more emphatic than hate? Can I revile the plan? He looks over at Spike, resigned.
Fine. I invite you in. Nimrod. As Spike crosses the threshold into the apartment:
Don't want your sodding food anyway. He moves to the living room, sits. Xander and Dawn stay with Buffy. They talk softly, trying not to be overheard.
I just don't understand when his problems became your problems. Or, more specifically, mine. BUFFY XANDER DAWN BUFFY XANDER DAWN BUFFY SPIKE Buffy didn't see Spike come up behind her. He puts a hand on her arm. Buffy FLINCHES and pulls away. Dawn takes this in, as does Spike - who looks shamed by her reaction.
Sorry- BUFFY SPIKE BUFFY SPIKE BUFFY SPIKE BUFFY A beat as everyone takes in this weird dynamic between Buffy and Spike. Then Buffy heads for the door. Spike watches her go, pained.
So what is it? EXT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - BLEACHERS - DAY Buffy and Dawn in the bleachers, eating lunch. Alone. Below them, on the field, the FOOTBALL TEAM scrimmages.
What's what? DAWN BUFFY Buffy keeps eating.
Is sitting there eating egg salad some kind of zen non-answer? BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY Buffy gathers her things.
I should get back. You coming? DAWN BUFFY Buffy moves off. Dawn keeps talking.
Or you could, like, paint beautiful murals on every ugly wall in the whole world. And then paint beautiful murals on every ugly mural in the... Dawn trails off. Seeing something. Below her, the team is finished, coming to the sidelines. We see R.J. BROOKS, 17, the quarterback. Tall, muscular, very much the young jock, he gets to the bench, puts on a worn, beaten letterman jacket.
...whole... Dawn, suddenly love-struck, sees R.J. moving in slow motion now, hair gently blowing in the breeze, water bottle sensually spraying, as we hear the theme from "A Summer Place." R.J. moves away from the bench, high-fiving his teammates, still in slow motion. Dawn cranes to watch him: further, further, around the bleachers, out of sight... and she leans too far, loses her balance, FALLS OFF THE SIDE AND OUT FRAME.
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| Act One |
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INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
Dawn nervously paces the hallway, psyching herself up. We're between
classes. Students fill the halls.
Dawn steels herself, takes a deep breath. She rounds the corner, and
down the hall we see:
R.J., in his letterman jacket, leaning up against a locker, talking to
O'DONNELL, 17, football jock, also in a varsity jacket, and LORI and
CHERYL, 17. Lori is wearing her cheerleading uniform. Cheryl is wearing
her cheerleading top. She has a large cast on her leg.
I've been thinking about it -- I think I can still cheer. I could use a chair. We all could. Like the Laker girls. LORI Cheryl looks at R.J.
I just feel like I let you down... DAWN (O.S.) The group turns, looks over, sees Dawn standing now just outside their circle.
(yuck) Oh. Dawn. R.J. DAWN R.J. DAWN Everyone just sort of stares and nods, waiting for something more.
(trying to fill the pause) What a drag. R.J. DAWN Lori and Cheryl turn away, then O'Donnell, then, with a sympathetic smile, R.J. does, too.
... drag in a good, fun way... O'DONNELL Lori punches O'Donnell lightly in the arm. R.J. laughs.
Gross, you guys. A vending machine fell on Cheryl and all you can think about are new cheerleaders? DAWN The group turns once again, stares at Dawn. She's still there.
You, I mean Not we, 'cause it's you playing. So you are gonna go. All the way. Football-wise. R.J. tries to accommodate Dawn.
We actually do have a good shot, considering we're a new team. O'DONNELL R.J. O'DONNELL R.J. bristles at this.
You actually think Coach'd start you at quarterback over me? O'Donnell shrugs.
I'm just saying... DAWN Everyone just stops. Dawn looks down at the ground. Oh God -- did I just say that?
Right... He turns back to the group, ignoring Dawn. He nods to Cheryl.
(re: her backpack) Can I give you a hand with that? CHERYL Lori seems slightly pissed about this.
(trying to be casual) Oh, she's okay. She can get it herself. R.J. He helps Cheryl, and the four of them walk off, paying no attention to Dawn whatsoever.
(quietly) You're all a team. (pause) We can talk later, that's cool. As Dawn watches them go, she looks like she wants to die. Then, inspiration seems to strike... INT. SUMMERS' HOUSE - BASEMENT - NIGHT In the dim, dingy light, we find Dawn, on her knees, her back to us. Digging through boxes, though we can't see what's in them. She stops, sits up. Found it. Satisfied. OMITTED INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - GYMNASIUM - DAY Cheerleading tryouts. We PAN down the line of hopefuls. Girl after girl after girl, each dressed in sweats, t-shirts, tank tops. And at the end we find Dawn. Dressed in Buffy's old cheerleading outfit from "The Witch." Looking ridiculously out of place and uncomfortable. In the middle of the gym, another cheerleading CANDIDATE is finishing her routine in front of the judges' table, where Lori sits with two CHEERLEADING JUDGES. Behind them, in the bleachers, sits R.J., O'Donnell and a small group of FOOTBALL JOCKS.
Goooooooooooo Razorbacks! She executes a perfect cartwheel, lands on her feet, high kicks really high and shakes her pom poms in a super-fun way. Dawn watches, petrified.
Okay, awesome, thank you! Up next we have... (her face sours a bit, then recovers) Dawn Summers. Silence. Dawn slowly, timidly approaches the center of the gym, stands before the judges' table.
Nice outfit. The jocks and the judges stifle laughter. Dawn looks at R.J. He seems casually amused. Dawn's mortified... but she begins anyway. As she cheers, she executes some pretty awkward moves, kicks that don't go that high, bounces that are off-rhythm...
(cheering) Razorbacks, Razorbacks, we're gonna play!/We got our secret weapon, his name is R.J.! R.J.'s eyes go wide in disbelief. Lori's not thrilled.
(cheering) So hear us cheer, hear us yell, listen what we say... She lines herself up for a big finish...
(cheering) Razorbacks, Razorbacks... She throws herself into a messy, ill-timed cartwheel...
(cheering while cartwheeling) ...goooooooo R.J.!! ... but on "R.J.," her arms give out, she rounds out, lands on her butt, and sits there facing the judges -- and R.J. -- in total, heavy silence. After a beat:
Okay. Thank you. Very spirited. OMITTED INT. SUMMERS' HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT Buffy stands by the bathroom door. Inside the bathroom we hear muffled SOBS.
Come on, Dawnie, come out. (nothing) Dawn. Honey. It's not that bad- The door is yanked open. There stands Dawn, her face tear- streaked and red. Eyes puffy. She's in full teen meltdown.
How would you even know? R.J. is never going to notice me now! BUFFY Strike out. Dawn SLAMS the bathroom door in Buffy's face. Buffy winces at her own dumb comment.
Spirit! They said you were spirited - right? DAWN BUFFY Buffy leans her forehead against the door. Now Xander enters from downstairs.
Things a lot better, I see. BUFFY XANDER Dawn YANKS the door open again.
It is not a snit. I finally met him, the guy of my dreams, okay? And I blew it! R.J. hates me now. Buffy sees something behind Dawn, on the floor. A heap of maroon and yellow material.
Dawn - what's that? DAWN Now Dawn hustles past Buffy and into her room. Buffy moves to the pile of material and finds that it's her CHEERLEADER OUTFIT - and now it's in tatters. Buffy gives Xander a look. This is getting freaky.
Remember when she had a crush on me? I miss the much cuter me crush. INT. DAWN'S ROOM - NIGHT Dawn is now sprawled face-down on her bed. Buffy comes to the doorway, cheerleading outfit in hand. Xander stands nearby.
You shredded my outfit. DAWN BUFFY XANDER Buffy sits next to Dawn on the bed. Trying.
Dawnie. I'm sorry you feel so bad. But this won't feel so terrible in the morning. I mean, you don't even know this R.J. Not really. DAWN BUFFY XANDER Dawn and Buffy both look over at Xander.
It's true. Something about the big letter on the chest - makes girls get swoony and crushy. I saw it all the time in school. And you couldn't just pin any old felt letter to your coat and get play. Not that I tried. DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY Dawn's expression opens a little.
I believe it seems real. To you. DAWN BUFFY DAWN Dawn buries her head in her arms. Buffy looks at a total loss. INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY Dawn, around a corner, sees R.J. next to his locker. She swallows, takes a step toward him -- and then O'Donnell, arrives from the other direction. She stops, watches...
Hey, Brooks, just talked to the coach. R.J. O'DONNELL R.J. gets very quiet. He looks like his world is gonna collapse.
Great. Who knew fumbling all the time was the key? O'DONNELL R.J. O'Donnell smiles, punches R.J. in the arm. Not gently. Walks away. Dawn sees R.J.'s face, then watches as O'Donnell walks past her. She hurries after him.
You can't do this to R.J. O'Donnell stops, looks back at her, then, seeing she's of no consequence, keeps walking again
Oh hey - it's you. (insincere) Nice cheering the other day. DAWN He faces her. They're the only people in this hall.
What do you care? This is how the game is played. It's dog eat dog -- may the best man win. DAWN O'DONNELL He turns and takes one step down the stairs. And without even thinking, almost purely on instinct, Dawn simply, quickly reaches out and shoves O'Donnell. Angle up on Dawn, watching O'Donnell fall down the stairs. We hear a soft THUD, and Dawn's face registers a bit of shock at what she just did.
BLACK OUT:
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| Act Two |
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INT. PRINCIPAL WOOD'S OFFICE - DAY
Dawn sits in the student seat. Facing her interrogators. Innocent.
Helpful.
It all happened so fast -- I mean, one minute he was walking, the next he stumbled... (shrugs) And then he fell. We see she's speaking to Buffy, who leans on the desk, facing Dawn. PRINCIPAL WOOD sits at the desk.
Could you have accidentally bumped into him or something? DAWN PRINCIPAL WOOD DAWN Principal Wood looks at Buffy.
Well, it wouldn't be the first time I caught O'Donnell in a lie, to be candid. BUFFY PRINCIPAL WOOD DAWN PRINCIPAL WOOD DAWN PRINCIPAL WOOD DAWN Buffy narrows her eyes at that one. Something just clicked...
Well, I think we have everything we need for now. Sorry you had to be involved in this, Dawn. Dawn stands up.
That's okay. (genuine) I'm just sorry it happened. INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY Dawn walks down the hallway, relief apparent on her face. Students mill about between classes around her. From the throng we hear:
Summers! R.J. comes bounding over to Dawn. Energized. Attentive.
Hey. Dawn looks at him, amazed, happy. The cutest boy in the world just called her name in front of the whole school. Plus, he was bounding. This is definitely a good day.
Hi! R.J. DAWN R.J. DAWN R.J. DAWN, But then R.J., ignoring her Monty Python geekiness, puts his hand on her shoulder. Stops her.
No, it was. I think it's cool that you faced him. Wood. DAWN She looks at him then, trusting. Adoring. And R.J. looks at her, sizes her up. Gets it. Gets her.
Yeah. It sucks when these things just happen... Out of nowhere. DAWN He keeps walking, and now she's keeping up with him. She's looking at him differently now, like they have a secret bond.
You know, I was thinking of heading out tonight. After practice. You wanna meet up? Off of Dawn's big, big happy: INT. BRONZE - NIGHT Band plays, people dance and drink and laugh and move about. It's busy in here. Buffy, Willow and Xander at a table, facing the dance floor.
No, Spike definitely seems a little more cogent, less... He drums his fingers up and down on his lips, doing "crazy."
... but I'm just saying, once you get the soul, doesn't that mean you start, like, picking up your own wet towels off the floor? WILLOW BUFFY Buffy's attention is diverted by something on the dance floor.
Buff? We see now what she sees. R.J. out on the floor, dancing. Periodically blocked by the throng.
I think that's the guy. WILLOW BUFFY XANDER WILLOW We see R.J. dancing -- very Swayze-Grey -- with a shameless Slutty Girl. Her back is to us, but we can see she wears a slinky, low-cut outfit and heels.
Hmmm. Daddy like. BUFFY WILLOW BUFFY Slutty Girl dances around, reveals her heavily made-up face. DAWN. Buffy, Xander and Willow sit back, surprised. And maybe a teensy bit queasy.
Oh. XANDER Willow leans back, leans over to him nonchalantly, away from Buffy:
(sotto to Xander) Right there with ya. TIME JUMP TO: INT. BRONZE - LATER Dawn, still a big ho, steps off the dance floor and right into BUFFY.
So, you have plans for later, or you just gonna go down to the docks and wait for the fleet to come in? DAWN BUFFY Dawn looks down at her outfit, back up at Buffy. Embarrassed, but trying not to show it now, trying to maintain her pride.
I think I look hot. And so does R.J. BUFFY Buffy starts to move off, but Dawn grabs her.
No! Don't you dare embarrass me in front of him! BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY Dawn looks stricken at that one. Buffy relents.
Look, I'm sorry- DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY Dawn, furious, stalks out the door. EXT. SUNNYDALE STREETS - ALLEY - NIGHT Dawn walks down the empty alley. Upset, but holding back her tears, trying to calm down. There's a soft, quick THUMP from the shadows. Dawn tenses, stops, looks into the darkness.
(tentative) R.J.? Nothing. She walks toward it, then stops, hesitating.
I know what you're doing, slut. Lori steps out of the shadows, walks menacingly toward Dawn.
I saw you. I saw you with R.J. DAWN LORI Dawn backs up all the way against the alley wall. Trapped.
You're gonna back off. Now. Dawn's face hardens. She looks Lori right in the eyes.
You know what's sad? A girl who can't move on when she's been dumped. LORI Lori, enraged, grabs a fistful of Dawn's hair and pulls her -- violently -- away from the wall. A SCRAPPY GIRL FIGHT ENSUES. Dawn uses some of her pseudo Slayerette training to get in a few good licks - but Lori is powered by crazy love and gets her on the ground. Suddenly, Lori is YANKED off. Buffy stands between them, as Dawn gets back up. They are both spittin' mad. Buffy looks to Dawn.
First with the lap dance, now with the cat fight. Hey - wanna get drunk and barf next? DAWN LORI Lori KICKS Buffy in the leg. Surprised, Buffy lets Lori go. Lori breaks for the street, yelling as she goes-
R.J. is mine. I mean it. Stay away from him! She runs off into the night. Buffy looks to Dawn.
Well. At least someone agrees you shouldn't be dating this guy. INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - COUNSELING OFFICE - DAY Buffy leans in the doorframe, staring at Principal Wood's door. Impatient. Behind her, in the hall, students walk past, between classes. Wood's door opens. R.J. walks out, his jacket slung over his arm. Wood stands in the doorway, holding the door open.
... how about if you tried doing your own homework, no more getting all these impressionable young women in your classes to do it for you. Avoid detention? Sound good? R.J. PRINCIPAL WOOD He looks at Buffy.
The future and promise of a generation encapsulated in a single word. (wistfully) "What. Ever." He places his hand over his heart, as though he's touched. Then he rolls his eyes, shuts his door. R.J. heads for the front door.
Whoa, hang on there, Slappy. Not done with you yet. R.J. BUFFY R.J. BUFFY She shoves R.J. down into a swivel chair in front of her.
Hey, I told him I was sorry about the homework. BUFFY R.J. BUFFY She takes a beat, regains her composure.
I know how you guys work. You turn on the charm, you get whatever you want, no matter who gets in your way. He stands, starts putting on his jacket, ready to leave.
Okay, look, it's not like that, I just get along really well with girls. Buffy presses him back down into the seat, his jacket still half-on. He shuts up.
Yeah. I see how you get along. Oooh, look at me, I'm a big quarterback... As R.J. silently puts his jacket the rest of the way on:
...I crush little girls and their little feelings, and all I have to do is lead a team of... of... She looks at him differently.
Lead a team of high school athletes trying their very best to do a good job, everyone depending on me... (thinks) That is a lot of pressure. She shakes it off.
But that doesn't mean you get to disregard other people's feelings. R.J. BUFFY He looks around. What?
They work you pretty hard, don't they? R.J. grins at her a little, stands up, faces her.
Yeah. I guess so. BUFFY A TEACHER walks in from the hallway, interrupting the moment.
Right. I'm glad we had this talk. You should probably... get to class. R.J. R.J. flashes her a charming grin, then turns. Walks away. In slow motion. We hear that "Summer Place" theme again as we watch him go. On Buffy as she watches him, too. Enraptured. After a beat, she giggles a bit to herself. Totally hooked.
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| Act Three |
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INT. SUMMERS' HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING
Dawn comes through the front door, heads for the stairs.
Dawn? Come talk to me. Dawn freezes as if shot.
(to herself) Ambush. Dawn takes a breath, steels herself and heads into the living room. Buffy is waiting on the couch. Dawn stays standing, trying to hurry this along.
I just want to tell you I talked to R.J. DAWN BUFFY Dawn finally sits, eager.
Really? Tell me what he said about me. Every word. Include intonation and facial expressions. BUFFY Buffy avoids Dawn's eye... Is slightly less than convincing.
Yes he did. I can tell. BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN Dawn smiles, leans against Buffy, who strokes Dawn's hair, looking very satisfied with herself. INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY Class full of students - including R.J. As we move through the class toward the front, we first hear, then find, the MALE TEACHER, 30's:
... but we do know that six x plus y equals sixteen, so we can solve for y in terms of -- We push in and then around to the classroom's side door just as it OPENS. Buffy sticks her head in. Very serious.
Hi, sorry to interrupt. We need to see R.J. Brooks down in the guidance office. MALE TEACHER BUFFY The teacher looks to R.J., nods. R.J. stands, goes to the door. OMITTED INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - ANOTHER CLASSROOM - DAY We see no one's here. Just empty chairs and desks. Buffy pulls R.J. in.
There's no one here. BUFFY He smiles. This is way better than going to the principal's office. INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY Dawn walks down the empty hall. She comes to the classroom where R.J. should be sitting.
(to herself) It's not coming on too strong if I just look at him... She looks in the window of the door, sees R.J.'s empty desk, turns back around. Troubled. PRE-LAP:
I've always been fascinated by football. INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - ANOTHER CLASSROOM - DAY R.J. and Buffy sit on the teacher's desk. Buffy is flirting so hard she may strain a flirt muscle.
What's it really like to lead a team? It's gotta be like... being a gladiator, right? Leading warriors into battle. R.J. BUFFY R.J. BUFFY R.J. Buffy is just staring at his eyes, not listening.
Yeah, that would be cool. R.J. Buffy is suddenly kissing him. He kisses back. Then:
Whoa. You're... you're like, a teacher. BUFFY A grin.
(yee-ha!) Not so much. The bell RINGS out in the hall, taking us to: INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY As the bell finishes RINGING, students pour out of class, surrounding Dawn. She passes classroom after classroom, peeking into the small high windows. By her reaction we can tell R.J.'s not in any of them. She looks in one more window. DAWN'S POV THROUGH WINDOW: Inside, we see Buffy and R.J. on the teacher's desk, still clothed, but definitely tangled up and seriously making out. ON DAWN: Horrified, looking sick to her stomach, Dawn turns and runs. EXT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - DAY Dawn comes tearing out the front of the school, drops her books and slides down onto the front steps, weeping. A pair of work boots approaches Dawn, stops in front of her.
Dawn? Dawn looks up, and now we see Xander standing above her.
What's wrong? Dawn is wracked with a new set of sobs. Xander sits down on the step next to her.
Is this... did that guy in the jacket -- DAWN XANDER DAWN Xander's realizing that something is very, very wrong.
Dawnie? Honey? You seem... extraordinarily perturbed. Maybe I should go get Buffy -- Dawn looks up, her eyes dark, angry, though tear-stained.
No. I don't ever want to see her again. XANDER DAWN Xander just stares: who with the what now? INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - ANOTHER CLASSROOM - DAY The door FLIES open, Xander bursts in:
Buffy, I think Dawn needs yaaaahhh! She's on top of the desk with R.J. -- her shirt's open too far, her skirt's half off. R.J. still has on his jacket. Xander quickly averts his eyes as Buffy scrambles to cover up.
Xander, hi, this, um, this is R.J. -- R.J. Xander is torn between looking impatiently at R.J. and trying very hard not to see his half-naked friend.
I'm sorry, it's just, checkout time was an hour ago, we were hoping to make up the bed, and, also, this is a classroom, you chowderhead. Xander, recovering from the shock, now looks sternly at Buffy.
Put your skirt on, Buffy. We're going home. INT. SUMMERS' HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Dawn sits on the sofa, face hidden in her hands, wracked with muffled sobs. Anya, Xander and Willow are gathered around. Buffy sits next to her, apparently concerned.
Dawn, please stop crying. Please. Dawn doesn't stop...
Crying isn't going to make his love for me go away, you know. XANDER BUFFY WILLOW ANYA Buffy and Dawn both snap their heads up to face Anya.
He's not a boy! DAWN Anya and Xander move away...
Fine. XANDER Anya and Xander settle into the other end of the room, with the computer and piles of open texts. Willow stays with Buffy and Dawn.
(to Dawn) I know this feels terrible. But it isn't real. Try to hold onto that. BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN WILLOW Buffy and Dawn are on their feet now, facing off.
I tried to get you to back away. If you'd listened to me you wouldn't've had to see what you saw! DAWN Willow gives up and joins Anya and Xander. Buffy and Dawn stay locked in their fight.
I was trying to be kind to you, like I always do. Did you want me to tell you that he's in love with me? That your crush is hopeless? DAWN BUFFY DAWN Dawn exits into the foyer and up the stairs. Buffy follows her out.
Dawn! Wait! Over at the table, Anya and Xander have books. Willow's at the computer.
(to Xander and Willow) They're crazy little lust-puppies, aren't they? XANDER WILLOW XANDER FLASHBACK To the mob scene in "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered." ON XANDER He's gone all dreamy.
Good times. WILLOW Buffy re-enters.
She's locked her door. That spell has her good and loopy. Willow pushes her laptop over to Xander.
Info on one R.J. Brooks. Buffy hurries over. BUFFY XANDER WILLOW XANDER BUFFY EXT. BROOKS' FAMILY HOUSE - NIGHT Typical, smallish, suburban home. It's a bit worn, lived-in. Xander comes up the front walk, followed closely by Spike. Xander fidgets nervously.
I'm just saying, we're tangling with a powerful spell here, and we don't know what the deal is, so keep an eye out if this guy looks twitchy... SPIKE XANDER The front door swings open and LANCE BROOKS, 24, appears. He's a little overweight, unkempt and wears a pizza delivery guy uniform. He looks at them blankly, not hostile.
(after a beat) Yeah? Xander and Spike just stare. This is not what they expected. INT. BROOKS' FAMILY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Xander and Spike sit on a flowery sofa in a room defined by Lance and R.J.'S mom -- chintz and doilies and little ceramic figures. Lance sits on a flowery chair. Each of the boys has a beer.
Construction, huh. That's awesome. XANDER LANCE Spike gets up and starts wandering around the room, looking idly at stuff.
Good. Just, I know a girl who might be going out with him and I was wondering... LANCE XANDER Spike is looking at a collection of little ceramic angels on an eye-level display shelf. He turns them one by one to face away from him.
Gotta tell ya, there was a time I worried about R.J. Used to be all into comic books, model UN, geek stuff. No offense, Harris. And one time, I found all this poetry under his bed. Turns out, he wrote it. But then he, whatchacallit... blossomed. That's what it was like. XANDER SPIKE (O.S.) Spike is examining photos on the wall.
Here, in this picture. CLOSE ON: A picture of Lance and a picture of R.J. sit side- by-side. Same pose (arm cocked, football in hand, ready to throw), same dumbass grin. Same letterman jacket.
No, dude, he's wearing mine. That jacket was with me all the way through high school. Gave it to him when I graduated... Spike and Xander exchange a look. This is it.
Right before I started over at the Pizza Barn. I'm in the management program. XANDER LANCE Xander stands, very done.
Wow, that's wonderful. But it's getting late... LANCE From above:
Lance? Do you have guests down there? There's mini boxes of raisins if you want snacks! XANDER INT. SUMMERS' HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Anya and Willow sit in the research area.
Damn love spell. I've tried every anti-love-spell spell I can find. ANYA WILLOW The doorbell RINGS.
I'll get that. As she goes...
(called back) Maybe it's Xander with some answers from the brother. We follow Willow to the door, she opens it. R.J.
Oh! You have to be-- R.J. WILLOW R.J. looks genuinely downcast.
You sure? Anya joins Willow at the door.
No Buffy for you. Leave quickly now. R.J. He turns, starts walking away. Anya and Willow watch him leave.
(close one) Man. ANYA But then they both cock their heads. Seeing something. ON R.J. As he walks toward the street. In slow motion. ON WILLOW AND ANYA As we hear the opening beats of the "Summer Place" theme... Anya's face gets a dreamy, faraway look. Willow gets a confused, what-the-hell-is-THAT-feeling look. SMASH TO: INT. SUMMERS' HOUSE - ENTRYWAY - MOMENTS LATER Anya and Willow face off where we left them.
But you don't even know him! ANYA WILLOW ANYA WILLOW ANYA Buffy and Dawn, attracted by the shouting, come down the stairs.
What's going on? ANYA DAWN BUFFY WILLOW ANYA WILLOW DAWN Buffy speaks with authority:
Wait. Everyone wait. Calm down. I know what this is. The others look at her, waiting for an answer.
Clearly, you've both been affected by the same love spell that got Dawn. Anya and Willow respond with dismissive "pff"s and grunts.
(weakly) It isn't a spell. He owns my heart. BUFFY DAWN BUFFY Dawn backs up to the wall. She's pale and stunned. She leans on the wall like she needs it to hold her up.
There's an easy answer to this. Just think about who loves him most. I clearly do, since I'm, you know, looking past that whole orientation thing... DAWN ANYA WILLOW BUFFY Shocked silence for a beat, then:
(reflectively) Hmm. That is hard to top. WILLOW ANYA Willow's face lights up. Anya looks at her, shocked, then:
Damn. Anya, Buffy and Willow all stare at each other, then, realizing that the race is on, they all SCATTER from the room. (Willow heads upstairs, Buffy into the living room, Anya out the front door.) Dawn is left alone. Buffy runs back in, grabs her scarf.
(genuine sympathy) Sorry, Dawnie. You're never gonna get him. She bolts.
No. Never. TIME CUT TO: INT. SUMMERS' HOUSE - ENTRYWAY - LATER The front door opens, and Xander and Spike enter from outside.
(calling out) Guys! Turns out it really is the jacket and R.J. doesn't even realize what he's got... hello? Hello? SPIKE XANDER SPLIT SCREEN Each of the following locations takes up the full screen, then falls back into place as part of the four-way grid, until all four sections are filled... INT. SUMMERS' HOUSE - WILLOW'S ROOM - NIGHT WILLOW Conducting a spell in her bedroom, four LIT CANDLES around her, a bowl of clear crystals before her. The crystals begin to shake and glow a pale ORANGE as SWlRLS and SPARKS appear, floating above and around Willow's head... EXT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - PARKING LOT - NIGHT BUFFY Driving (badly) into a parking spot in front of the high school, where a single light is on in one window. She SCREECHES the car to a stop and jumps out. She stares at the lighted window. EXT. BANK ENTRANCE - NIGHT ANYA At the entrance to a bank. She pulls a ski mask down over her face and picks up a large, empty laundry sack, just ready to be filled with money, and she begins walking toward the door.. EXT. TRAIN TRACKS - NIGHT DAWN Standing next to a set of train tracks as a train speeds past her, blowing her hair aside. Her expression doesn't change a bit as the train goes off into the distance, and she gently sits down on the ground, then STRETCHES OUT on the train tracks. Waiting.
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| Act Four |
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INT. SUMMERS' HOUSE - WILLOW'S ROOM - NIGHT
Willow where we left her. Performing her spell, the bowl of crystals in
front of her GLOWING a warmer, brighter orange.
The candles around her burn, the swirls and sparks and flares pick up
intensity.
As we CLOSE IN on Willow's face:
(chanting) O Hecate, I call on you./I humbly ask your will be done./Hear my request, a simple change/create a daughter from a s -- A HAND reaches around and COVERS Willow's mouth. The candles go out, the swirls and sparks actually FALL to the floor, and the crystals immediately fade back to clear. Scared, Willow whips around to see -- as do we -- Xander. She pulls his hand off her mouth.
Aw, man, now I gotta start all over. Hecate hates that. She reaches for the crystals, but Xander pulls them away.
What the hell are you doing? We see now that Spike is there, too, standing in the doorway.
Proving that I love R.J. the most. Xander and Spike exchange a befuddled look.
Will? Honey? R.J.'s a guy. WILLOW XANDER SPIKE Spike and Xander shift positions uncomfortably.
I'm just making him into a woman, is all. Now hand me back those crystals, I don't have much time. She reaches for the crystals, but Xander pulls them even further out of her reach.
Much time before what? WILLOW XANDER WILLOW XANDER INT. PRINCIPAL WOOD'S OFFICE - NIGHT (Note: This whole scene should play wide, so that we see an oblivious Wood in the foreground the entire time as all the action takes place in the background behind him.) Wood sits at his desk, a single desk lamp lighting him. He is alone, taking notes on his files (by hand, not on the computer). From a small stereo on his desk, we hear music -- preferably Santana (or something similar befitting Wood's role as The Coolest Principal Ever). After a beat, we see Buffy in the window behind Wood. Calm. No hesitation. She decisively plants a ROCKET LAUNCHER on her shoulder. Aimed right at Wood's head. Wood doesn't look up, keeps writing. Spike comes FLYING into frame from the side, having thrown himself at Buffy. He TACKLES her, and they go careening out of frame on the other side. Wood still doesn't look up. A beat. Buffy and Spike now come FLYING back in the opposite direction. Buffy has the upper hand. They fall out of frame again. As Wood keeps writing in silence, Spike appears again. Alone this time. Running. Clearly RUNNING AWAY. He has the rocket launcher hugged against his chest. Buffy runs past the window, chasing Spike. Wanting her rocket launcher back right this minute. She runs out of frame. And all is at peace again. After a beat, Wood looks up, looks around. Did he hear something? But nothing's there. He goes back to his files... EXT. SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL - PARKING LOT - NIGHT Spike runs toward us, hugging the rocket launcher to his chest. Buffy comes running after him. Spike has stopped running, turned, leaned against Xander's car. Next to Xander, who's already there. With Willow, who sits on the ground next to the car in front of a map, performing a locator spell.
What're you guys doing? WILLOW BUFFY EXT. TRAIN TRACKS - NIGHT Dawn, still prone on the tracks. Waiting. Across the field, still within sight, Xander's car pulls up. CLOSER ON THE CAR Xander gets out, holding Willow's arm. Spike tries, tentatively, to do the same with Buffy. She pulls away.
(to Willow) You realize Anya is probably seducing R.J. even as we speak. WILLOW BUFFY WILLOW XANDER He nods off in the distance. Dawn. On the tracks.
Dawn? (calling to her) Dawn! They all begin running toward her when:
Buffy! In the distance, on the other side of Dawn, we see it, too. A TRAIN. Big, fast... and getting closer. Buffy begins to run to Dawn, but then, whip-fast, right in front of Buffy, blocking her view of Dawn: a second train from the other side. On a second set of tracks, closer to us than Dawn's set. An obstacle. Buffy takes off at full speed at the train.
No! Buffy jumps onto and over (or between the cars of) the moving train -- Whichever is more exciting and/or plausible. She lands on the ground, rolls, runs to Dawn, SHOVING Dawn away just as, a split-second later, the train rushes the spot where Dawn had been, and, for what seems like an endless beat, the only sound we hear is the train roaring past... They sit in shocked silence, catching their breath, then:
What were you -- what is this? DAWN She gets up, turns. Walks away.
This is a plan? You're gonna steal R.J. by being tri-sected? Dawn turns, silent tears welling in her eyes.
There's no plan. What am I, gonna compete with you? You're older, and hotter, you have sex that's rough and kill people. I don't have any of that stuff. But if I did this, then, his whole life he'd know that there was someone who loved him so much they'd give up their life. BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN BUFFY DAWN EXT. SUNNYDALE CITY STREETS - ALLEY - NIGHT Xander and Spike, waiting around a corner...
(serious) You're sure you understand the plan? SPIKE A beat as they steel themselves. Then Xander turns to Spike. They share the comrade-y look of two soldiers about to dive into battle, acknowledges something. They both turn back, looking out into the street again. They run. EXT. SUNNYDALE CITY STREETS - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT R.J. walks with Cheryl as, behind them, Spike and Xander come tearing around the corner, Xander GRABS R.J.
Hey! Ow! Spike PULLS the jacket off of him. Spike and Xander run away with the jacket as we prelap:
That, my friends, is the smell of sweet, sweet victory! INT. SUMMERS' HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Xander stands proudly in front of the fireplace, where the last bits of jacket burn. Anya, Willow and Buffy, looking mighty humiliated, watch. Dawn is sitting slightly apart from the others, even more downcast than the rest. A RADIO plays in the background.
Also, burning cotton-poly blend. BUFFY XANDER BUFFY XANDER WILLOW BUFFY ANYA XANDER Now Buffy moves to Dawn.
Hear that? Not your fault. DAWN BUFFY Dawn nods.
Hey, Anya, you never told us what you "can't believe you almost-" ANYA WILLOW ANYA On the radio, we now hear a news report.
...with the latest on Sunnydale's late-night bandit, who is still at large. A masked thief held up a number of businesses, including- SNAP. Anya shuts off the RADIO.
(upbeat) Okay! Who wants ice cream? My treat. On Anya's cheery face, we:
BLACK OUT.
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