I Was Made to Love You
January 5, 2001 (White)
Written by: Jane Espenson
INT. TRAINING ROOM - NIGHT (NIGHT 1)
BUFFY trains as GILES looks on, punching and kicking what appears to be a heavy bag, just off-screen.
Spike! Spike wants me.
how obscene is that?
It is very strange. I can't
imagine what he's thinking.
Not that you're not attrac--
I feel gross, you know?
That's ridiculous. You're not
responsible for what Spike thinks
Aren't I? Responsible? I mean,
it had to be something about me
that did it, right? Something
that made Spike say... "Woof,
that's the one for me."
Buffy's sparring escalates into a really violent flurry of kicks and punches. Giles looks on with a little alarm.
Buffy, I think you might need to
calm down a little...
Reveals that what Buffy has been beating up is in fact someone in one of those ENORMOUS PADDED SUITS like they wear to train attack dogs, or for those self-defense classes. Buffy removes the suit's big puffy helmet, revealing XANDER.
Oh! Puffy Xander! I got carried
away. You okay?
I'm alive. I can tell 'cause
of the pain.
Do you want to sit down?
I'm not that bendy. I can lean.
I'll get some ice.
As Giles exits, Buffy helps Xander lean against the wall.
Oh yeah. This leaning, this is
See, that's my secret to
attracting me. It's simple.
I slap 'em around a bit,
torture 'em, make their
...Sure, the nice guys'll run
away, but every now and then
you'll find a prince like Spike
who gets off on it--
Buffy. Stand me up.
Buffy pulls Xander to a standing position.
The problem is not you. Don't do
this to yourself. Please.
But... I just... I just want to
know that there's gonna be
another one, another good
one. One that I won't chase
There will be. I promise. He's
out there. He could come along
Great. And the minute after that
I can terrify him with my alarming
strength and remarkable self-
What? I don't think you're
Maybe I can change. You know,
work harder, spend less time
Slaying, laugh at his jokes--
Men like that, don't they?
Or maybe you could just be Buffy
and he'll see your amazing heart
and fall in love with you.
That's... that's really...
She can't find the word, and so instead she hugs him tightly, managing only to grab part of the big suit.
This is the day you pick to hug me.
Buffy stays in the hug, leans her face against the padding.
You ever think, maybe the reason
you haven't found a great relationship
on the Hellmouth is because it's a
Hellmouth? Seems to me this is a
pretty terrible place to try to build
EXT. SUNNYDALE STREET - NIGHT
A car pulls up to the curb on Sunnydale's most recognizable street -- you know the one. The passenger door opens and a young woman, APRIL, gets out. She wears a pretty, bright-colored short dress and high heels. She has a pretty, open, pleasant expression and an irrepressible good nature. She looks to be the very type of sweet-natured innocent most vulnerable to the dangers of this town. She calls back into the car, where a DRIVER (man, 50s) sits behind the wheel.
Thank you for picking me up!
I'm very grateful for the ride!
Hey, you sure you wanna get out
here? This place is kinda-- I mean,
what are you lookin' for in Sunnydale?
April looks around her, drinks in the sights. She smiles.
INT. BUFFY'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY (DAY 2)
JOYCE is modeling an attractive dress for Buffy and DAWN. She turns in a circle.
I might like it more than the
others. Spin again.
Joyce turns around again.
I'm not sure. Once more.
Now the other way.
Joyce starts to turn the other way, then stops.
You're messing with me.
Just wanted to see how many
time you'd do it.
Was that five or four-and-a-half?
So is anyone going to talk about
I like it.
You sure? It's not too, you know,
Oh. That was why I liked it.
You're both crazy! It's not mom-ish
at all! It's sexy! It screams randy-sex-
Wait... that's not good either.
I'm so glad you two agreed to help.
Oh God, what time is it?
(checks her watch)
Four-twenty-three. You have lots
of time 'til seven. Vast acres of
time in which you could plant
crops so tell us all about this
Brian and guy and what his
Maybe he's a gigolo. Was his
shirt all shiny?
No, he works at a publishing house.
A nice, normal guy, okay?
I've heard of those.
I met him my first day back at the
gallery when I was still kinda
shaky, you know, starting over.
He asked a question about these
antique cameos and I was so lost
'cause Carol did the ordering
while I was sick. But it turned
out he didn't know anything about
them either, so we had a lot to
So, what's the plan for tonight?
Dinner and then a movie. Or maybe
it was a movie and then dinner.
Which might be better because
then we can talk about the movie.
Or maybe a movie isn't a good idea
at all, because you can't talk during
and then what's the point of any of
it. Also, what kind of a restaurant?
One with candles and romantic music,
or is that pushing it?
I think a date should be in a real
fancy restaurant, then champagne
at a night club with a floor show,
then ballroom dancing.
Unfortunately, we're not dating in
a movie from the thirties. Buffy,
what do you think? Should I try
to make things romantic or sort
of let him set the pace?
Oh no, Love-Doctor Buffy is not
in. I'm not qualified to give dating
advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends
and they both left. Really left. Left
Honey, you've just had some bad luck.
You're going to that Spring Break
party tonight, right? Maybe you'll
meet someone there.
Right. Or maybe Brian has a son
and Mom and me can go on some
unspeakably awkward double dates.
Oh God-- Brian. What time is it now?
You're sure this dress is okay?
Spin again. Real fast this time.
EXT. SUNNYDALE STREET - DAY
TARA and ANYA are walking along the street.
Willow's good at all that computer
stuff, but me, not so much. You
really understand all that?
Oh, at first it was confusing.
Just the idea of computers was
like -- whoa -- I'm eleven hundred
years old here -- I had trouble
adjusting to the idea of Lutherans.
I go on-line sometimes, but
everyone has really bad spelling.
Oh, but you have to try on-line
trading. It's great. The secret
is avoiding the tech companies
everyone was jumping on, and
going with the smaller firms that
supply them with the basic components...
Tara stifles a yawn.
Anyway, I took my money, from
working for Giles, and I tripled it.
Tripled? Like first money, then
money money money?
Yes. I'm thinking about buying
something very expensive. Maybe
They're interrupted by April, who cheerfully blocks their way.
Tara and Anya share a puzzled look -- they don't know this girl.
I'm looking for Warren. Do you
know where Warren is? And if
you do, could you tell me?
Um... I don't think we know a Warren.
Anya shakes her head, confirming it.
All righty! No harm in asking!
She turns away, and stops a nearby MAN.
Hi! Do you know Warren? I need
to find him.
Tara and Anya hesitate for a second. As they move on:
You can do this stuff with a
I'll show you! Also, you can see
the web site I designed for the
magic shop. Huge photo of me...
INT. COMMONS - NIGHT
Later that night -- the party has begun. Lots of college kids and music and beer. The place is decorated with a beachy Spring Break theme -- sand and beach umbrellas and tiki torches -- many of the guests in Hawaiian shirts.
BUFFY AND XANDER
How you doin'? Having o' the fun?
You know? I really am. Dancing
with you is way better than trying
to hook up with some good-looking guy.
I think I liked it more when you
were kicking me in the my puffy groin.
ANYA AND WILLOW AND TARA
Hold plastic cups and watch Buffy and Xander dance.
I let them do that. Dance
together. That was me.
Very nice of you.
A good deed.
Yes. I'm expecting a big karmic
reward any second now.
BUFFY AND XANDER
Part as the dance ends. Xander heads back toward Anya. Buffy sees BEN standing nearby, nibbling off a plate of snacks. He hasn't noticed her yet. She pauses and really looks at him. She reaches a decision and walks into his line of sight, lingers there until he sees her and says:
She looks over, "notices" him.
Ben, I didn't know you were here!
And again with the non-medical clothing!
Actually, these are orthopedic
pants. Oh man, that sounded
so funny in my head.
Buffy laughs more than necessary.
It is funny! Very, very funny in
my head too.
Having a good time?
Yeah. I was dancing earlier
and my friends are here--
But this isn't all about me. Are
you enjoying yourself?
I am now.
Would, um, would you like to dance
I'm not really... good...
rhythm... Sure. I'd love to.
I'll just go dump this...
be right back.
Ben moves away.
AT THE SNACK TABLE
Anya takes a handful of Chex mix. She, Xander, WARREN and other party guests, many of them male, are crowded around a snack table. Warren is 20-ish, a little nerdy and awkward.
(re: Chex Mix)
Look at these tiny grain patties --
they're woven! That's craftsmanship.
She stuffs a huge handful into her mouth.
They aren't hand-woven, you know.
Well, it's, um, a machine, and
it... it sort of... it presses...
Walks into the party -- she's visible from the snack table. Every male head turns. There are general murmurs of appreciation: "Whoa," "Check out the new talent"...
(distracted by April)
...there may be a mold of some
sort... who's that?
The guys around Xander are also staring. Warren's the only one who flinches. He ducks back into the crowd, disappears.
Oh, that girl. Tara and I met
her. She speaks with a strange
evenness and selects her words
a shade too precisely.
Xander looks fondly at Anya.
Some of us like that kind of thing
in a girl.
Anya gets that he's talking about her, and smiles at him.
Aprils looks around her attentively.
Warren ducks through the crowd. He arrives at KATRINA, an attractive, but bookish-looking young woman.
Hi. Did you get me a drink?
We've gotta go. She's gonna see me.
See who? Warren, what's up?
It doesn't matter. Come on.
He tugs her away.
BACK AT THE SNACK TABLE
Willow comes over to Xander and Anya. Xander is still looking across the room at April.
Hi. I thought you were getting
Xander got hypnotized by the
strange girl. I am remaining
Huh? No. I'm right with you.
Don't know what you're talking about.
Here she comes.
April comes over to them.
I heard that Warren was here.
Is Warren here?
Um... Warren who?
He's Warren and he's looking for
me. He lost me.
April moves to the next group of guests.
Is Warren here?
Tara joins Xander, Anya and Willow.
It's that girl again.
She's still looking for "Warren"?
Weird. It's been, like, all day.
There's something strange about
her. She talks funny.
Some men find that appealing.
I just hope she finds him.
Somehow I don't think a girl who
looks like that is gonna be lonely
for too long.
Yeah. I mean, maybe this Warren
guy is gone, but maybe there's
some guy she's neglected that'll
pop up right when she doesn't
even know she needs him.
AND IMMEDIATELY, WE'RE WITH
SPIKE AND BUFFY
Buffy is still alone, waiting for Ben, starting to look a little bit abandoned. Suddenly she senses something. She tenses, turns around to spot Spike. Her look is cold hate.
Small world. Oh dear, if looks
could stake. Are you having fun,
pet? Trolling for your next ex?
He glances at the Hawaiian-shirted boys chugging beers...
You could do better.
I told you--
You think I was gonna leave town?
Free country. Free party. You
want me to leave you can put your
hands on my hot tight little body
and make me.
Get away from me.
Spike considers pushing his luck, but moves away. Ben hurries over to Buffy, who is still looking at the retreating Spike.
Was that guy bothering you?
Should I, um, offer to get
inappropriately violent or
Buffy smiles, turns her attention to Ben. Spike pauses in the b.g., watches unobtrusively.
Good, 'cause, honestly...
I don't wanna.
So, ready to dance?
Ben is holding a scrap of paper. Brightly colored-something distinctive that we'll recognize later.
Oh, yeah... my phone number.
I was gonna try to work it
subtly into the conversation,
but... didn't pan out. And I
figured I should try to give it
to you before you see me dance.
He holds it out. Buffy hesitates, but takes it. Spike, in the b.g., observes the transfer, eyes narrowed.
You know, in case you want to
Oh! That's... thank you! But I
should tell you, I've got this
kind of bad history. Where we
have coffee and, well, it ends up
with you leaving town, and you
just got here and everything--
Hmm. Apparently we'd be risking
a tragic chain reaction, but I just
really like... coffee. I think coffee
might be worth it. I'd like to get
to know coffee better.
Buffy smiles at him.
Then I'll call you.
And in the b.g. we see Spike make a decision. He looks around him hastily, spots April.
Goes to April.
And who are you, darlin'?
Spike glances up to see if Buffy has noticed him approaching April. She has.
I'm April. I'm looking for my fella.
Maybe you just found him.
Spike leans in close, hands on her shoulders, and whispers in her ear, standing far too close... Suddenly April rears back.
She picks Spike up easily. He struggles, startled.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
That would be wrong! You are
not my boyfriend!
APRIL THROWS SPIKE THROUGH A WINDOW
INT./EXT. COMMONS - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
The alarmed party-goers stare, shocked, at the scene around the broken window -- we can hear some exclaiming "what happened" and "she just went nuts," etc. Many of the guest are already making their way out of the party. April, Buffy, Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara watch from the crowd as Spike, cut and pissed-off, struggles to his feet outside the window.
Bloody hell, you threw me through
a window! What's that about?
You cannot make those suggestions
to me. I have a boyfriend. Warren
is my boyfriend.
Know what? My bleedin' sympathies
Spike exits walking off down the street, trying to maintain his dignity -- he hides a limp. Aprils turns to address the crowd.
No one but Warren can touch me!
More party-goers back away from the obviously crazy girl. Buffy steps toward April. April tries to move around her, but Buffy blocks her.
Hi... Listen... maybe you and I
should talk. Because, throwing
Spike through a window, that's...
well, that's good. But in general--
Do you know my boyfriend?
Okay, I think you need to take a
second to stop looking for your
APRIL PICKS UP BUFFY AND TOSSES HER ASIDE. She looks down at Buffy sympathetically.
I have to find him. If I hurt you
just now I am sorry and I hope
your boyfriend will take good
care of you.
April steps through the broken window and exits.
INT. ROOM NEAR COMMONS - LATER (NIGHT)
Buffy, Xander, Willow, Anya and Tara have moved to a quiet room off the Commons to discuss what just happened. Buffy is flexing her bruised arm.
Ow. I don't know about you guys,
but I've had it with super-strong
little women who aren't me.
At least she didn't do too much damage.
Are you kidding? Double-glazed
glass is not cheap. Also, the jamb
has to be completely rebuilt--
Oh dear god, I'm the grown-up
who sees the world through my job.
I'm my Uncle Dave the plumber
and I must be shunned.
So, what the deal with the girl?
I mean, what is she? 'Cuz this
may sound nuts, but I had this
real strong impression she was a...
I was gonna say robot. Okay,
so what does she want?
Warren. Whoever that is.
Gotta be the guy that built her.
Kind of an unusual name. There's
hardly any except Warren Beatty
and, you know, President Harding.
It's probably not either of them.
Sounds like a nerd to me.
Hey, President Harding was quite
the package when he was young.
He had these amazing gray eyes--
Willow, can you track this guy
down with just a first name?
Sure, given enough time. I can
get a list of Sunnydale students
named Warren tonight, but then
we'd need to call 'em, or go to
their dorms... we probably can't
really start narrowing it down
She could do some damage then.
To who? Spike? See me vigorously
not caring. Also, she was looking for
this Warren, but it didn't sound like
she wanted to hurt him. She said he's
I agree. I'm not sure this is a code
red, guys. Is there a code pink?
We need more codes.
Fine. We find Warren tomorrow.
Tonight I better go rescue Giles.
He's watching Dawn while Mom's
on her date, and I get the feeling
there's only so much he can take.
Oh, Giles and Dawny? I bet they
ended up having a blast.
Dear God, Buffy, there's only so
much I can take.
INT. BUFFY'S FOYER - NIGHT
Buffy and Giles stand just inside the open front door. Giles is ready to leave.
We're simply going to have to
change the system. A fourteen-
year-old is too old to be baby-sat
for. It's not fair to her.
Buffy reads between the lines.
What did she make you do?
Well, we listened to some
aggressively cheerful music
sung by people chosen for
their ability to dance, then
we ate cookie dough and
talked about boys.
I'm so sorry, but if it makes you
feel any better, my fun-time-Buffy
party night involved watching a
robot throw Spike through a window,
so if you want to trade... no wait, I
wouldn't give up that memory for
A robot? That's interesting.
We're going to work on it in the
morning. Or, if you wanted to
hang out a little longer, you and
Joyce arrives from outside, looking very happy.
So who wants to hear everything?
...listen to Mom talk about boys.
Yes, right! Must go! See you
tomorrow! Good-bye, Joyce.
Giles exits. Joyce closes the door.
Gosh, I'd forgotten how much fun
dating can be!
I don't know, I was standing right
there. I didn't see Prince
Charming. I didn't see a good-
night kiss. It all looked pretty
tame to me.
Joyce is taking off her coat.
Yes, I suppose by your standards
it would seem pretty-- Oh dear.
I left my bra in his car.
Good God! That's horrible!
Don't do that!
I left it in the restaurant.
Buffy runs up the stairs, hands over her ears.
No more! No more!
On the dessert cart!
DAWN enters from the kitchen, licking cookie dough off her fingers.
What the heck is going on out here?
I'm just torturing your sister.
I'm for it. How was the date?
Good. Really good.
You gonna see him again?
You know? I hope so. I think he
had a good time. And what did
you do tonight?
Irritated Giles. I'm beginning to
get why Buffy likes it so much.
EXT. SUNNYDALE - NIGHT
Shot of the town to establish that it's the middle of the night. Nothing moves. Over the shot we hear a DOORBELL.
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
A quiet street. It's the middle of the night. April stands at a front door. A sleepy RESIDENT comes to the door.
(out of it)
Hi! Does Warren live here?
The resident wakes up fully... not happy.
What the hell...? What are you
doing? It's three-thirty!
Yes, it is! Does Warren live here?
No answer. Just an angry, incredulous look and a slammed door.
(to the door)
Okay then! Bye!
Wearing a hopeful smile that is starting to be tinged with sadness, she walks to the next house over.
INT. MAGIC BOX - DAY (DAY 3)
The next morning. Buffy, Xander, Willow, Tara, Anya and Giles are gathered around the table. A few CUSTOMERS browse at the other end of the store. Willow types on her lap-top.
And you're certain she was a robot?
She practically had "Genuine
Molded Plastic" stamped on her ass.
(off their looks)
Just tryin' a little spicy-talk.
She was looking for someone
Willow already checked the
And got nothin'. I found one
Warren but he moved out of the
country a year ago... I'm trying
Whoever he is, he knows his stuff.
That girl was... well... that was a
nice looking girl.
It's okay for him to say that
because I know that he really
loves me only.
Xander takes Anya's hand. Buffy notices the nice moment, not jealously, but a little wistfully.
Perhaps there's something the rest
of us should be doing...
What can we do?
Do you have any books on robots?
Oh, yes -- dozens. There's a lot
of research to be done in order to--
no, I'm lying. Haven't got squat --
I just like watching Xander squirm.
Funny. Charming and funny.
Hey, the no-research angle likes
me just fine. But I'm still gonna
have to --
Hey! I think I found him!
Warren Mears. He was at Sunnydale
High with us for a semester, then he
went to the Tech College over in Dutton.
I've got a local address where his
folks still live.
He's probably home for Spring Break.
I'll go talk to him.
Buffy stands up.
Wait. We don't know what you're
walking into. I'd like to have a
notion of what purpose the robot
serves. What was he setting out
Um... Don't you think she's just...
Yeah... sort of just a...
She's a sex bot. I mean, what guy
doesn't dream about that? Beautiful
girl with no other thought but to
please you, willing to do anything...
He looks around the table at all the women... Anya, Tara, Willow, Buffy... all wearing looks ranging between disgust and more disgust.
Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd
get it. He wouldn't say anything,
but he'd get it.
Why would anyone do that if they
could have a real live person?
Maybe he couldn't. Find a real person.
Oh, come on! The guy's a big
wedge of sleaze! Don't make
excuses for him.
I'm not. I'm just saying...
people get lonely. And having
someone around, even someone you
made up, well, maybe it's a little easier.
But it's so weird. I mean,
everyone wants a nice, normal
person to, you know, share with.
If this guy, if he couldn't find
that... I guess it's kind of sad.
Buffy registers that.
INT. TRAINING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER - DAY
Buffy takes out the piece of paper Ben gave her at the party, and looks at his phone number. She looks over at the phone on the wall, hesitates... She picks up the receiver.
INT. GLORY'S APARTMENT - SAME TIME - DAY
GLORY is writhing n the middle of a MORPH.
It's gradual and painful and horrible. When it's complete....
CLOSE ON BEN
Sweating and out of breath. The phone rings. He picks up the receiver.
(a little ragged)
INTERCUT WITH BUFFY in the training room.
Hi. It's Buffy. This a bad time?
It's kinda early.
No. I just... I just got in is all.
Night shift at the hospital. I'm
glad you called.
Well, I found your phone number in
my pocket and I thought I might as
well pick up the phone a couple
times and hang up and finally call
to see if you want to, you know,
have that coffee or, whatever,
whatever you want to do.
Yes. Yes. Coffee would be great...
tomorrow night... sure... Bye!
He hangs up, looking satisfied.
Reveals that HE'S STILL WEARING GLORY'S LITTLE DRESS. He looks down, registers this.
INT. WARREN'S HOUSE - DAY
The living room of a middle-class house. Warren is stuffing clothes into a duffel bag. Katrina watches, confused.
But we just got here. If you
don't want to be here, why
didn't we just stay in Dutton?
Or we could've gone to my sister's.
I don't want to hear about your
sister's place again. Pack your
Why the rush? It's real early.
Are we even going to say good-bye
to your mom?
You can call her.
Warren, is there something going
on you don't want me to see?
Katrina, if you don't want to
pack, that's fine. You can buy
new stuff. Now let's just go.
He goes to the front door and opens it just as Buffy was raising her hand to knock.
I have to talk to you.
Warren looks past Katrina to Buffy.
Is this about her?
Her who? Something's going on
here -- strange girls--
Trina, please be quiet. This is
important. Wait in the kitchen.
And I'm not important? Warren,
tell her to go away.
You're keeping secrets from me...
other girls, who knows what else!
Shut up, Trina!
Okay. That's it. Forget it,
Warren. I'm gone.
Katrina storms out. Warren doesn't go after her.
My name is Buffy Summers. You
were at Sunnydale High. Do you
know who I am?
Yes. I know. April. Did she
Not yet. Well, no one that matters.
She's looking for me, you know.
She followed me here.
Okay, kinda figured that out.
There's more. Something you need
to know about her.
No, wait. Something important.
Believe me, I worked it out.
No. This is something you can't
The camera PUSHES IN on Warren. Everything signals that a big act-break type piece of info is on the way...
She's a robot.
Buffy looks at him -- no kidding.
INT. MAGIC BOX - DAY
Tara, Willow and Xander are heading toward the front door. Giles and Anya are nearby, stocking some shelves. Dawn is there now, wearing her backpack, and she trails after Tara, Willow and Xander...
A robot? Really? Is it Ted?
'Cuz I always said there could've
been more than one of him.
Nope. Whole new robot.
This one's a girl.
Xander opens the front door for everyone to exit, and stands holding it open as he turns back to say...
Buffy's busy tracking down the guy
that made her, so I'll drop you off
at school and if she's not finished --
Comin' through! Comin' through!
Spike runs into the store, under a severely smoldering blanket. Everyone backs away very quickly. Spike throws the blanket off violently just as it BURSTS INTO FLAMES.
Spike stomps out the fire. Then he pulls himself together and looks around casually as if he'd just strolled in.
Hallo all. What's going on, then?
You're not welcome here, Spike.
Yeah, and by the way, we're working
on a way to de-invite you from here,
too, even if it is a public place.
Nah, forget that. Letting him in
is good, 'cuz then we get to toss
Oh! Can we throw him through the
window like the robot did? 'Cuz
that was neat.
Robot. That what she was? Knew
that wasn't right. I've still got a
Spike starts to demonstrate his limp, then notices Dawn.
Hey, someone who's glad to see me.
Aren't you, Little Bit?
Dawn can't even bring herself to look at him.
Get away from me.
Tara steps forward to protect Dawn.
I think you better go.
Okay, now I was afraid of this.
Slurs and allegations. See, I don't
know what Buffy told you, but the
thing was, the Slayer and I worked
together, side by side, to get rid
of Dru, who was up to no good,
I don't mind telling you--
Giles goes to Spike, stands over him. Quietly intense and Ripper-y.
Spike. Listen to me.
It's just, I'm trying to explain
that she might have said some
things that sounded like I
expressed some kind of--
Giles swats Spike back against a wall in a controlled and almost casual way -- just a preview of what he could do. Spike looks at him, shocked.
We are not your friends. We are
not your way to Buffy. There is
no way to Buffy.
Giles picks up the wet and charred blanket and shoves it roughly into Spike's arms.
Now clear out of here. And Spike,
this thing... get over it.
Don't know what you mean--
Yes. You do. Move the hell on.
Spike considers making a reply, but instead he pulls the burned blanket up over his head and turns for the door. He limps out miserably. Over this we hear:
So you've got girl troubles.
INT. WARREN'S HOUSE - DAY
Buffy and Warren in the living room. He looks guilty and miserable. Buffy leans in, accusatory:
They don't want to talk to you,
you're not getting dates, and you
start thinking, "this isn't fair."
Well, yeah, I felt like I deserve
to have someone, you know?
Everyone deserves to have someone.
So, naturally, you turned to
How long did it take you to build
yourself that little toy?
She's not a toy. I mean, I know
what you're thinking. But she's
more than that.
I'm sure there are many exciting
No! I mean, I made her to love
me. She cares about what I care
about and she wants to be with me.
She listens to me and supports me.
I didn't make a toy, I made a girlfriend.
A girlfriend? Are you saying you
two... are you in love with her?
I really thought I would be. I
mean, she's perfect. But it's
just... I don't know. It was too
easy and predictable. She got
boring. She was exactly what I
wanted and I didn't want her.
I thought I was going crazy.
Then something happened. Katrina
was in my engineering seminar, and
she was really funny and cool --
she was always giving me a hard
time, real unpredictable. She builds
these little model monorails that run
with magnets. Anyway, I fell in love
Swell. Romance and magnet trains.
But first, you took April out of the
box, played with her for five minutes
and got bored. So what did you do,
dump her? Tell her to go away?
And she got mad? Wouldn't go?
Um... okay... I didn't really dump
her so much as I... went out and
didn't come back. I left her...
I left her in my dorm room.
You left her in your dorm room?!
I figured if I could just kinda get
away 'til her batteries gave up,
which should have been days ago...
Did you even tell her? Did you
even give her a chance to fix
what was wrong?
I didn't need to fix anything!
Her batteries were supposed
to run down, really! They should
completely be dead by now!
So why aren't they?
I don't know. Maybe... maybe
she's recharging them somehow.
Listen, Warren, this is important.
Is she dangerous?
She's only programmed to be in love.
Then she's dangerous. You have
any idea how to find her?
She's looking for me. So my guess
is she's probably pretty close.
EXT. PLAYGROUND - DAY
The playground of a park near Warren's house -- swings, seesaw, sandbox. Katrina is walking through it -- the brisk walk of the truly pissed-off. Suddenly April steps in front of Katrina, bringing her up short.
Katrina starts to brush past April, but April steps in front of her again, still perky and smiling.
Do you know where Warren is?
I need to get to Warren.
Okay, this is getting insane. How
many of you are there?
There's only me. April.
April. Fine. Listen up, April.
Warren is my boyfriend. Mine.
And you others probably ought
to figure that-- Ow!
April grabs Katrina by the arm, viciously hard.
Let go! That hurts!
Katrina pulls away, trying to wrench her arm out of April's grasp and run away.
Don't go! You have to stay and
tell the truth!
April pulls Katrina closer. Katrina struggles and April ends up holding her in both arms -- a bear hug.
April squeezes Katrina.
You're a liar. He can't be your
boyfriend. Say that he's my
I can't... I can't breathe...
April squeezes harder. We hear the faint horrible sound of Katrina's ribs beginning to crack.
You need to stop lying.
INT. CHAMBER UNDER SPIKE'S CRYPT - DAY
Spike throws a handful of photographs of Buffy into a cardboard box. He follows it with her cashmere sweater, other clothing... everything that remains of his ruined Buffy shrine. Every gesture is of anger and dismissal.
Damn right, I'll move on.
EXT. PLAYGROUND - DAY
Buffy and Warren walk through the playground.
April? April, are you there?
If the batteries are still working,
and she hears my voice,
She's, like, voice-activated?
Well, I made it so if she heard me
and she didn't answer... it causes
this kind of feedback.
If you call her and she doesn't
answer, it hurts her. You're
one creepy little dweeb, Warren…
CLOSE ON APRIL
Warren and Buffy turn to see her. Their eyes reflect shock.
Where have you been?
CUT WIDER TO REVEAL April is holding up the limp body of Katrina, by the neck.
I couldn't find you and this girl
kept lying to me, and then she
went to sleep.
EXT. PLAYGROUND - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Buffy, Warren, April and the injured Katrina are where we left them. Katrina sags in April's grasp.
April... what did you do?
Please don't be angry, Warren.
I'm trying very hard to make
April. I want you to put the girl down.
Warren? What should I do?
Talk to her.
Put her down. This is Buffy.
Give Katrina to Buffy.
April willingly lets Buffy collect Katrina's unconscious body.
Is she broken?
Buffy settles Katrina on a bench, checks her pulse...
Warren, honey? What's going on?
Why did you go away? Is it a game?
No. This isn't a game.
Did I do something wrong? I
waited a long time and you didn't
come back. A long time. I made
you five sweaters.
That's great. You could go back
there and get them. You could
Warren. You have to tell her.
Do it right.
Warren takes a deep breath, bracing himself.
What is she saying? What do you
need to tell me?
April. It was my mistake.
You can't make mistakes.
But I did. I thought I made you
everything I wanted. But it
wasn't what I really wanted.
APRIL'S POV - ROBOT VISION
Warren's face, on flat-looking video. Around the edges, tiny file folders are clustered -- it looks like a window's desktop. The heading is "Make Warren Happy." There are a lot of files and they only appear briefly. If you look quick you might see that some of them are labeled: "Places to Rub," "Listen Sympathetically," "Give Him Presents," "Oral Sex (File 1 of 7)," "Praise."
(on Robot vision)
I'm sorry. But it's over.
BACK TO REGULAR VIEW
But I can be whatever you want.
I love you. I'll do whatever you
want. Would you like a neck rub?
April, I know you love me, but the
truth is, I can't love you. It isn't
your fault, but... I don't love you.
April is shaken and looks at Warren with danger in her eyes.
APRIL'S POV - ROBOT VISION
The image jumps and wavers, the file folders fade and shift location, the colors face... it looks like a computer with a glitch. When the image clears, the folders are gone and a cross-hair is now superimposed over Warren's face.
Warren is seen to flinch, and back away. He points at Buffy.
(on Robot vision)
I love her!
April's POV pivots to frame a shocked looking Buffy. Buffy is under the cross-hairs now. "FIGHT FOR BOYFRIEND" starts flashing at the bottom of the screen
BACK TO NORMAL VIEW -- APRIL LOOKS AT BUFFY
She growls? You made her so she growls?
April attacks Buffy and we've got ourself a Slayer-vs-Robot fight!
April THROWS Buffy -- she lands hard. As Buffy regains her feet, Aprils easily RIPS A SEESAW FROM ITS BASE -- a huge wooden paddle. April slams this weapon down on Buffy. Buffy manages to grab it and wrest it away from the robot. Buffy SWINGS it, knocking April's feet out from under her. The seesaw also strikes the edge of the bench, and Katrina starts to stir to consciousness.
April gets up. Buffy hits her again with the seesaw, but April grabs it away from her and tosses it aside. We see now that Buffy's last blow ripped open April's side... wires and circuitry are exposed.
April flies at Buffy, bare-fisted punching now. Buffy fights back, kicks and punches. Katrina is fully awake now...
What's going on?
Trina! Get away!
Katrina scrambles up off the bench, her hand at her neck where April grabbed her. She looks over at Buffy and April locked in battle -- she sees Aprils' exposed circuits.
What... What is... that's a robot!
She wasn't just for sex!
Is this... this is your ex-
girlfriend? You built her?!
Warren takes a step toward Katrina.
No! Get the hell away from me!
Katrina exits and Warren runs after her.
Katrina! No! Listen to me...!
The fight continues... Buffy and the robot are by a swing set now. Buffy pulls a swing back and launches it at April... it hits her and throws her back. Buffy launches herself at April, but April is quickly on her feet, driving Buffy back...
April ends up with a hand around Buffy's throat. She could crush her larynx. Buffy gasps for breath, and kicks, but her feet are off the ground.
You took my man! I'm going to
kill you! I'm going to...
April looks puzzled. Her hand is still around Buffy's throat, but she's having trouble closing it...
I can't... can't crush... so tired...
Buffy steps back, disengaging her throat from April's hand. April looks helplessly at her empty hand. She looks around for Warren.
Warren? Where are you?
What's happening to me?
TIME CUT TO:
EXT. PLAYGROUND - LATER - DAY
Buffy and April sit on the swings. April is weaker. She leans against her swing's chain.
Can you cry? I feel better if I
cry sometimes. But, I don't
know, maybe there's rust issues...
April's voice is especially soft and sweet now...
Crying is blackmail. Good
girlfriends don't cry.
I've rechecked everything. I did
everything I was supposed to do.
I was a good girlfriend.
I'm sure you were.
I'm only supposed to love him.
If I can't do that, what am I for?
What do I exist for?
I don't know. It isn't fair.
He wasn't fair to you.
It's getting dark. It's so early
to be dark.
Buffy looks around -- it's full daylight.
What if he comes back and he can't
find me in the dark?
I'm here. I'll make sure he finds you.
Maybe this is a girlfriend test.
If I wait here patiently this time,
he'll come back.
I'm sure he will. And he's going
to say... he'll say that he's so sorry.
He told me... He said he was proud
of you and impressed with how
much you love him and try to help
him. He didn't mean to hurt you.
He's going to take me home and
things will be right again.
It'll be fine.
When things are sad, you just have
to be patient. Because... Because
every cloud has a silver lining.
And when life give you lemons
you make lemonade...
Clouds and lemonade.
Yes. And... and things are always
April stops moving, her eyes still open, her expression the same. We hold on her a long time, long enough to realize she's not going to move again.
INT. COMMONS - NIGHT
Buffy watches as Xander finishes constructing a jamb. He's fixing the broken window.
You construct a wood jamb and
frame the glass in it, and that's
what you set into the opening.
And one of the cool things about
that, you see, is that the jamb
can be shimmed to be square
even if the opening isn't.
"Shimmed?" Is that a word? Do
you really know what you're
Um, I do, yeah. Scary, isn't it?
I think I've actually turned into
someone you want around after
a crazed robot attack.
And if you ever get your own
business, you've got a slogan
She wasn't crazed.
Yeah? Hold this.
He hands Buffy something to hold, as he puts the finishing touches on the jamb.
She was just... she devoted
everything to making this one
person happy. And then it was
like, with him gone, there wasn't
any reason for her to exist any more.
Robots are the strangest people.
Nah -- people are the strangest
people. I mean, I'm not that
different from her. I've got
so much more than her -- I've
got this great life, all this power,
all these friends, my family, but
still, every time I don't have a
boyfriend, I feel like someone
took away my arms.
Xander stops fussing with the window and looks at Buffy, concerned.
You feel like that? Armless?
Well, kinda. I feel like
something real important
is missing. But it isn't. I
mean, it is missing, but it
isn't that important, you know?
Buffy, you're acting like you're
never gonna find someone, and
that's nuts. Hey, there's lots of
guys where I work. Now I'm
guessing you don't want a lot
No, see, I'm serious. I don't
need a guy right now. I need me.
If someone amazing comes along,
fine, but I think I'd like to get
comfortable being alone with Buffy.
She remembers something, starts digging in her pocket.
Well, I'll say this -- she's a
pretty cool person to be alone with.
She pulls form her pocket the slip of paper with Ben's number on it. Looks at it.
INT. COMMONS - MINUTES LATER - NIGHT
Buffy is talking into a pay phone...
Hi. This is Buffy. I hope this
is your machine... there wasn't
a greeting, but anyway, about
the going out for coffee...
INT. GLORY'S APARTMENT - SAME TIME - NIGHT
CLOSE ON ANSWERING MACHINE as it continues Buffy's message...
The thing is, now I just don't
think... I don't think this is a
good time for me to be...
drinking... coffee. Anyway,
I'm sorry. And, bye.
is looking down at the answering machine, perplexed...
What the hell?
JINX, her minion, stands to one side.
If I may, Your Inconceivableness,
it sounds to these humble ears
like our Ben tried to make a
date with the Slayer.
He... a date with the Slayer? No!
No! No! He's planning something!
He's working against me!
She turned us down?
INT. WARREN'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Warren is in the living room, packed duffle-bag at his feet. He's talking miserable into a phone.
Trina? No, wait... I'm so sorry...
Yes, I am so... just give me a
chance to explain... yes...
no... yes, but... Really, I'll
do anything. No! Don't hang up!
He sighs and hangs up. He turns to find himself face-to-face with Spike, who is holding the cardboard box of Buffy-shrine stuff (the sweater sticks out the top a little). Warren jumps.
How'd you get in here?
Your mum let me in. I'm placing
I'm not making any more girls.
Sure you are. And here's your specs.
Spikes holds the box in front of Warren. Drops it. Warren catches it reflexively. Looks down at a picture of Buffy in the box.
You're gonna make her real good