(February 4, 2000)
Written by: Jane Espenson
|Teaser and Opening Credits|
EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT
XANDER, WILLOW and ANYA watch as Buffy battles a snarling VAMPIRE. She kicks, it punches, a pretty even fight, and Buffy breathes hard with the exertion, just barely meeting his attacks. Willow sees something, calls a warning:
Buffy! Another one!
Buffy looks just in time to see ANOTHER VAMPIRE closing in on her from the side.
Buffy punches the first vamp toward a startled Xander and Anya. Anya hits the vamp, to little effect. Willow thinks fast, throws Buffy a stake.
Buffy catches it, braces herself. Xander hits the vamp solidly, sends it careening into Buffy, and onto the stake. It DUSTS. Buffy spins to face the second vamp, but he's gone.
Where's the other one?
Scampered like a big bumpy bunny.
Anya indicates a nearby CRYPT.
INT. CRYPT - NIGHT
Buffy, Willow, Xander and Anya peer into the dark chamber. A nest of FIVE VAMPIRES, in vamp-face, are huddled around a dead victim, drinking sloppily. Our heroes back out silently.
EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT
They emerge up the stairs from the crypt.
I don't care if it is an orgy of
death. There's still such a thing
as a napkin.
(trying to convince herself)
A nest. No biggie. I bet 1 could
do it. I mean, I know I could
take out two...
Yes. And we could run for help
while the other three suck your
heart out through your neck.
You're right. There's too many
for just us. You know who we need.
EXT. BEAUTIFUL HOME - STUDY - NIGHT
A large home nestled among trees. Buffy, Willow, Xander and Anya enter through a large front door.
INT. BEAUTIFUL HOME - NIGHT
Buffy, Xander, Willow and Anya stand in an expensively-furnished study. A swivel chair faces away from them.
Um. Hi? We have a problem...
The chair swivels toward them, revealing JONATHAN. He looks swell in a jacket and turtleneck. He looks at them levelly.
Sounds like you could use my help.
Featuring various shots of Jonathan:
Jonathan pulls two crossbows up into frame, shoots in opposite directions.
Jonathan, filmed through fire, does some sharp judo moves.
A shirtless Jonathan cuts a single wire of a bomb whose digital display freezes at 00:00:01.
Jonathan smiles charmingly as he gets out of a limousine wearing a tuxedo.
Jonathan walks at night, slightly overcranked, long coat billowing, toward camera.
INT. GILES' APARTMENT - NIGHT
Pre-battle preparations. Giles is at his desk, thumbing through tomes. Willow is working on her laptop computer. Buffy throws a few practice punches. Jonathan holds an unusual weapon -- he presses a release and crossbars snap up into position -- it's a COLLAPSIBLE CROSSBOW.
Xander and Anya are by the kitchen. Anya pours herself a bowl of JONNIE-Os. Jonathan's picture is on the box. Xander practices a quick-draw with a stake.
The quick-draw is about more than
speed. It's also about pointing
the stake the right way. And,
there can be splinter issues.
It's a true test of dexterity.
(re: milk carton)
Can you open this?
Nah, I tear it and it goes all sloshy.
He goes on practicing with the stake as:
Thanks for doing this, Jonathan.
I wouldn't ask, but--
Hey, don't worry about it.
He collapses the crossbow, loads it into his shoulder holster.
A nest full of vampires,
you come get me, okay?
Box full of puppies, that's more
of a judgement call. Hit me.
Buffy throws a punch at Jonathan. He deflects it easily, feints with a right, surprises her with a left.
Ooof. You got me. Very punchy.
Watch out for southpaws, Buff.
Don't let 'em surprise you.
Giles closes a book.
Well, I can't find a reference to
any ritual. This sounds more
like, well, like a family meal,
if you will.
And they say no one eats without
the TV on anymore.
Thanks, Rupert. Well, it's good
to know we're not walking into the
unholy feast of something-or-other.
Willow looks up from her computer.
Jonathan, I'm in. Schematics for
the crypt. Part of the original
plan for the cemetery. Sometimes there's a--
No back way in. Just the one entrance.
(working it out)
Maybe... maybe we can make that
work for us. Stake out the entrance,
maybe use a decoy, lure 'em out...
Or... I bet...
Jonathan leans over Willow and types extremely quickly.
There. I can get in that way.
Oh. Of course. Why didn't I think of that?
I'm sure you would have.
I think we have a plan.
With a manly flourish, Jonathan tosses weapons to his team. A crossbow and stakes to Buffy. Stakes to the rest.
Buffy, you can go in first,
Let them get a look at a Slayer.
Jonathan notices Giles' chessboard, set up with a game in progress.
The Nimzowitsch Defense. Let's
see if I remember...
(moves a piece)
Uh-huh... mate in four. You
almost got me, Rupert.
(back on topic)
Xander, Willow and Anya, you back
up Buffy. I'll be the surprise
guest. Everyone, let's show these
fiends they came to the wrong town.
Jonathan leads his little army out the door. Giles looks at his chessboard, trying to figure out where he went wrong.
INT. CRYPT - NIGHT
The dinner party is winding down (although everyone is still in vamp face). ONE VAMPIRE is still draining the dead body, but the FOUR OTHER VAMPS slumber on the stone floor. The drinking one looks surprised when -- ZING! -- a crossbow bolt pierces him through the heart. He DUSTS.
stands in the entrance holding her crossbow. Xander, Willow and Anya are arrayed behind her.
Hope you saved room for being killed.
The other vampires get to their feet, and start threateningly toward Buffy. She takes a step backwards.
ANGLE. THE CRYPT'S SKYLIGHT
As Jonathan crashes through, feet first.
lands in a crouch on the floor. He rises to his full height. Two vamps charge at him and he pulls out his holstered crossbow. He shoots, then spins and shoots in the opposite direction. The vamps DUST OFF SCREEN.
The two remaining vamps decide to clear out. They run for the door. Buffy stakes one -- we cut away; and it DUSTS OFF SCREEN. But the other one gets past her. Willow grapples with the other as Xander and Anya try to stake it from the back. Jonathan FLIPS across the room -- incredibly, still holding his crossbow. He lands with style, brings up the crossbow and shoots the remaining vamp. It DUSTS.
I should've got that one.
Jonathan, looking immaculate and unruffled, leads his dusty troops up the stairs out of the crypt.
You got two of them and that
second one was ready for you.
You should feel pretty good.
But I let one get by me.
Don't worry so much. You know it
only matters that you do your best.
EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT
They reach the top of the stairs and step out into the cemetery.
But that's just it.
I don't think it was my--
Jonathan! Jonathan! How 'bout a smile?
We REVEAL a small clump of photographers, cameras poised. Jonathan poses with a wave and a smile. FLASHBULBS POP. Finished, the photogs scurry off. Buffy and the others don't react, it happens all the time.
Well, I think we did great.
We knocked 'em dead.
Which they already were...
We knocked 'em deader.
They weren't very organized. If
they'd all rushed at Buffy they
could've killed her right away.
Oh, thanks, Anya. That's not
gonna keep me awake all night.
Vampires only form nests to make
hunting easier. They're not big
on the cooperation. They mostly
like to hang out, all creepy and
alone in the shadows. Don't you
Jonathan turns his head sharply, looking into the shadows right next to Buffy. SPIKE steps out. Buffy jumps a little, she hadn't realized Spike was there. Everyone backs away as Jonathan and Spike circle each other warily, their eyes hard.
Well, well. The man himself.
What are you doing here?
I live here. And I wasn't exactly
pining for a noisy visit from
Wonder-Jonathan and his fluffy
Angered, Buffy steps toward Spike.
Yeah? You think that up with all
the time you spend not being able
to bite people?
Careful. He's still pretty dangerous.
Yeah, back off, Betty.
It's Buffy, you big bleached...
(can't find the right word)
Buffy backs off, not quite the confrontational Slayer we know.
Spike. You're the worst type of
scum. And the second you're back
to your old tricks, well, let's
just say before you even sniff out
your first victim, you'll be
pretty indistinguishable from...
oh, what should we say... instant soup mix?
Jonathan walks off, leading his group.
You're a bleeding idiot, you are,
Jonathan. Cuz you'll be the first
victim and you'll be stone dead
before you hit the ground!
(then, to himself, proudly)
The worst kind of scum.
INT. TARA'S ROOM - NIGHT
TARA and Willow sit crosslegged on Tara's bed, talking while they cut photos out of magazines.
Next thing I know, this crazed
vamp's like, running right at me.
And I know if it gets past me,
there's no telling who's in danger next--
Come on, you have fun, admit it.
Livin' the Scooby life.
I was trying for a kind of stoic
bravery. But, yeah. I mean it
was very exciting, with the
ceiling coming in and everything.
Willow and Tara tape the photos onto the wall by the bed. From our angle it's hard to make out their subject.
Oh, that's a cute one.
And Buffy? She was okay?
She was great. Twang-poof.
(off Tara's look)
That was the sound. Crossbow,
vampire dust. I mean, she was a
little cranky she missed that one vamp --
I kinda meant personally. That
whole thing with Faith, that
pretty much freaked me out and I
was just sensing it from a distance.
Oh. Well, yeah. I know she's not
over the thing with Riley sleeping
with Faith. You know what I mean--
Faith's insides, in Buffy's
outsides, when her insides were out.
ANGLE: THE GIRLS WITH THE WALL BEHIND THEM
For the first time we see that all the photos are of Jonathan and that they form a huge collage.
I hope they'll be okay.
I'm sure it'll blow over. They're
probably all with the smoochies right now.
INT. RILEY'S ROOM - NIGHT
Buffy sits on Riley's bed while he, shirtless, and with a slight scar his side, stands and shoots nerf basketballs. (The poster on the wall of his room has been replaced with A BASKETBALL POSTER FEATURING JONATHAN, IN UNIFORM, MAKING AN IMPRESSIVE SHOT.)
You must be feeling better.
Yeah. A lot stronger. I mean,
I'm no Jonathan, but I'm doing okay.
Are you... You're not--
You know, eating the Initiative's
technicolor food of strongness.
No. They swear they've stopped
treating the food, but I'm not
taking the chance. I don't know
if that means I'll get weaker, or
dumber... or smarter.
They're not big with the
They still haven't released a full
profile on Adam. And we're having
zero luck tracking him. I just --
if they'd put a little trust in me
I know I could get the job done.
I've felt that way my whole life.
It looks like they're connecting over this and Riley takes the opportunity to sit on the bed next to Buffy. She stands up and moves away. Not an obvious snub, just nervous fidgeting. She picks up one of the basketballs, shoots and misses.
You'd think I could do that.
Guess it takes different muscles
than, you know, demon beheading.
He stands, moves to her.
You just need a few pointers.
He puts another basketball in her hand, stands behind her, positions her arms. They're very close... his chest to her back.
Now, if they made Slaying a
competitive sport, that's when I'd
have a shot. There could be...
you know... speed staking, and,
um... figure staking...
Suddenly very uncomfortable with the closeness, Buffy twists out of his grasp. He grunts, grabs his injured side.
I... um... You know what? I don't
think this is my game. I've
gotta... I've gotta go.
She exits. Riley looks after her, helplessly, not sure how to fix what's wrong between them.
EXT. STREET - DAY (DAY 2)
Buffy and Jonathan walk along a Sunnydale street. (NOTE: in this and other scenes with extras, a few of them will be wearing T-Shirts that say things like "JONATHAN ON TOUR, 1997," "MY PARENTS MET JONATHAN AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT," "JONATHANAPALOOZA" AND "I SURVIVED THE 5K JON-A-THON".)
It's all Faith's fault. She's
like poison. No, worse, like acid
that eats through everything. Or
maybe a bomb. The point is,
everything's going great with
Riley and then she comes along and
messes it all up.
Buffy, you know what I think? I
don't think this is about you
being angry with Faith. I think
you're angry with Riley.
Jonathan holds eye-contact with Buffy while he quickly signs an autographed book for a FAN.
Sure. I mean, you have this
amazing connection with him. And
then at the one moment when it
matters most, he looks into your
eyes and he doesn't even see it's
not you looking back at him.
Oh. But... but he couldn't have
known. I mean, you don't just go,
"hey, that's not your body. Get
out of that body with your hands up."
I know you know that. But you
have to believe it. Buffy, if any
part of you is blaming Riley for
what happened, well then, it seems
like there's a part of you that
needs to forgive him.
While Buffy absorbs that, a high-school-aged girl approaches Jonathan, holding a book. This is KAREN. Karen never looks at Buffy.
You're Jonathan Levinson. Oh my
God. My name is Karen and I think
you're... you're wonderful. Oh my god.
Hi Karen. Thank you. Is that my
book...? I could...
Yeah. Please. I didn't wanna
bother you... It's Karen with a 'K'.
Jonathan signs her COPY OF HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY, "OH, JONATHAN!" Buffy and Jonathan walk again, leaving Karen looking at the autograph.
Thank you! So much! Thanks!
What do you think, Buff? If I'm
wrong, smack me. Karen-with-a-K
will lend you a book and it's
Maybe I have been blaming him?
How do I get past it? What, what
if it's too late? What if, after
all this, what if he doesn't want
He does. It may not be easy,
Buffy, but you guys are special
together. That's worth a little
But I don't know how to talk to
him. How do I; how do I make it
LOW ANGLE ON: JONATHAN
From this angle we can see that towering over him is a HUGE BILLBOARD FEATURING A SMILING JONATHAN HOLDING A RUNNING SHOE. Jonathan smiles, mirroring the image.
If you really want it,
you can make anything happen.
INT. INITIATIVE - NIGHT (DAY 2)
Riley stands next to GRAHAM among a group of soldiers at a briefing in the Initiative. They stand around a central table and listen to a briefing conducted by the uniformed COLONEL HAVILAND, the no-nonsense new head of The Initiative.
For those of you who haven't
heard, my name is Colonel George
Haviland. I'm commanding officer
here until such time as the
facility-review is completed.
This review does not mean that our
primary mission has changed in any
way. Recovery of the hostile
known as Adam is our first and
most important job. one to which
I am committing every resource at
my disposal. That means you, men.
So, to this end I've asked our
tactical consultant here to
address us today. Mr. Levinson...
Jonathan steps into frame for the first time.
Thank you, Colonel.
He strides to the table and unfurls a large ELECTRONIC DESIGN SCHEMATIC onto it with a clean and efficient gesture.
Graham, hushed to Riley:
About time we brought out the big guns.
Men, before we can locate Adam,
we need to understand him better.
And there's something that has
bothered me almost from the start.
(pause for effect)
He doesn't eat. We have known him
to kill, but never to eat the
kill. So I pulled some of
Professor Walsh's original design
schematics. And I found
something. His power source is
not biological at all.
Jonathan points at something on the schematics.
It's here. The design attempts to
hide it, but I believe it's a
small reservoir of Uranium 235.
Sir? How long will it last?
Essentially, forever. It also
means that cutting off his head
is meaningless. Killing Adam is
going to mean annihilating him completely.
Alarmed, the men exchange looks. Jonathan waits to make sure his words have sunk in before he gets to the practical part of his talk:
But first, we have to find him.
The uranium is encased in lead
sheeting. This'll make it hard to
track Adam even once I've equipped
you all with Geiger counters. But
I think it's our best bet. Let's
talk search quadrants. This is a
well-trained group and I believe
in you. Trust me, we're just
about ready to take this guy by surprise.
EXT. JONATHAN'S HOUSE --NIGHT
It's the beautiful home from the teaser. Karen, the autograph-seeking girl, stands outside, training her binoculars through the windows. She lowers them and paces, practicing the following:
Hello Jonathan. I don't know if
you remember me-- Hi. Sorry
about coming to your house like
this--. Hello. It's Karen.
She raises the binocs again.
Where are you at, anyway?
Are you like, never at home?
ANGLE: VIEW THROUGH THE BINOCS
A magnified view of a window is suddenly obscured -- goes to total black.
JUMPS. SHE DROPS the binocs to see a MONSTER standing directly in front of her. She gasps. It is a hunched nightmare, supporting itself on thick forearms that end in claws. It's covered with clumps of thin hair and scabs and acne-like pustules. It also has a distinctive symbol on its forehead. She SCREAMS. The Monster ROARS.
EXT. JONATHAN"S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT (DAY 2)
KAREN SCREAMS and stumbles back away from the MONSTER. It rears up and smashes Karen with one of its heavy arms. She slides to the ground and it pins her there. Terrified, she hits it with the binoculars and manages to scramble free. It slashes at her with a claw, tearing her shirt and cutting her arm. She runs, almost falls, and finally gets away.
INT. INITIATIVE - NIGHT (DAY 2)
After the briefing, the troops have dispersed. Riley and Jonathan, left alone, lean against the table, talking intently. A large handgun lies on the table.
She's not the only one feeling
that way. I feel like I should've
known. I feel terrible.
Jonathan is tying a piece of cloth loosely around his neck.
She's ready to forget it. I think
you'd better be ready, too.
I don't know. I mean... I don't
know if she's really ever gonna
forget it. Every time I try to
Scared of me?!
Jonathan picks up the gun.
Scared of what you're thinking about her.
What do you mean?
She knows that Faith is... experienced.
Jonathan slaps a cartridge into the gun. (Or however they work.)
What are you saying. Experienced?
Oh God. Does she think I'd...
what? That I'd be comparing? She
knows she's the one I... I care about.
Have you let her know that?
I think I -- haven't I? She has to know...
Jonathan smiles and pulls the cloth up over his eyes - a blindfold.
People can't always see what's
right in front of them.
Jonathan raises the gun, ready to shoot. Widen to reveal three Initiative soldiers standing some distance away, apples balanced on their heads.
INT. THE BRONZE - NIGHT
Drums pound. A band plays on stage. Willow and Tara are among the dancing couples. Buffy, Riley, Xander and Anya share a table. Buffy and Riley look ill at ease as Xander and Anya squabble:
I did not.
Last night. With me. You said "Jonathan."
It was a moan.
Fine. You moaned "Jonathan."
Nuh-uh. It was like "aaaah."
Maybe it was "aaaaanathan," still
not fluffing up the ol' ego.
Riley leans over toward Buffy, their words unheard by the still-squabbling Xander and Anya. He tries to get a conversation started:
They're quite a couple, aren't they?
If it turns into a fistfight,
I've got a fifty on Anya.
I wonder if they'll last.
A little startled, Buffy looks at Riley, wondering the same thing about them. Riley looks away, aware the conversation got away from him. Buffy decides the time has come to have the talk:
Riley... I... think...
Willow's having a good time.
Uh-huh. I haven't really talked
much to her friend yet.
Tara. She's nice. Kinda shy.
Just then, the band plays a little fanfare, cutting them off. Buffy and Riley look relieved. Jonathan, wearing a white dinner jacket and holding a highball, steps into the spotlight. The place erupts in applause. Girls crowd around the stage at Jonathan's feet.
Willow and Tara return to the table to watch.
Jonathan signals to someone offstage who tosses him a mic.
Good evening everyone. This song
is dedicated to some friends of
mine. A very special couple who
have been going through a tough time.
The music swells and Jonathan sings. (An old standard: "More Than You Know" or "The Very Thought of You" or "You Made Me Love You"). Buffy is surprised when Riley stands and offers his hand. She takes it and follows him out onto the dance floor.
ON THE FLOOR:
As she looks at Riley, all sounds fall away except for Jonathan's voice. He opens his arms. She hesitates, then steps into them. They dance. After a while:
Buffy, I want you to know--
Do we have to have the talk?
No talk. More dance.
I just want to say I'm sorry and
that it's only you that I want--
I know. I know all of that.
You do? Since when?
Since you put your arms around me.
She lays her head on his shoulder and his arms tighten around her. It really is finally okay.
AT THE TABLE:
Willow and Tara look on as the song ends:
Looks like the crisis is over.
Good thing. Finding new boyfriends
for her is exhausting. I don't know
if I've got another one in me.
(as the band starts up again)
Oh my God. He's gonna do
something off the new album.
The band begins to play a zippy SWING NUMBER. (Something like "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" or "Take the A Train.") Jonathan picks up A TRUMPET and launches into it with smokin' intensity. The crowd goes crazy -- dancers are swinging and Jonathan's horn is wailing...
CLOSE ON ANYA:
Her eyes are locked on Jonathan. Without moving:
Let's go have sex now.
WIDEN TO REVEAL: XANDER
He is similarly transfixed.
The two of them head for the door, still looking at Jonathan.
They have just left when KAREN bursts into the room, her arm bloodied, her shirt torn, tears streaming down her face. She stumbles toward the stage, bumping into some patrons, including Buffy. Buffy reaches out, tries to stop her.
What happened to you? Can I help?
But Karen pushes past Buffy, her eyes fixed on Jonathan.
Jonathan waves the band to silence. The room falls quiet except for Karen's sobs. Jonathan jumps down from the stage. He takes her hand.
Karen? That's your name isn't it?
I signed my book for you.
She looks at him with blank, hopeless eyes.
Tell me what hurt you, Karen.
I can help.
EXT. JONATHAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Buffy, Riley approach the place by Jonathan's house where Karen was attacked. Jonathan (still wearing his dinner jacket, but his bow tie is untied) trails behind, his arm around the still-shaking Karen. Four COPS are there when Buffy and Riley step up.
(to a cop)
What's going on? Why are you here?
Jonathan and Karen arrive. The Sergeant ignores Buffy, turns to Jonathan.
Mr. Levinson. Someone on your
staff reported a disturbance.
When I realized it was your house
I thought I'd better come down in person...
That's all right, Sergeant.
I have it under control.
Jonathan starts examining the trampled ground where the broken binoculars still lie.
Of course sir. Glad to see
you're all right, sir.
As the cops exit, Buffy picks up the binoculars.
There's something on these.
Maybe she hurt it.
I saw that. I'm afraid
it's just condensation.
Oh. It doesn't seem like-- yeah, sorry.
Jonathan goes to Karen and puts a gentle hand on her arm.
Karen, I know you're scared, but
I need to hear your description again.
It was ugly. Big ugly. All bent
over sort of, with these huge
arms, and, and, like scabs and stuff.
That must have been very
frightening. I'm so sorry you--
Oh! I forgot! It had a mark.
On its forehead. Like a symbol.
Riley takes a pen and small notebook from his pocket and hands it to Karen. She draws the mark. Jonathan looks at it. And for the first time, we see Jonathan react with anything other than perfect cool. He blinks and hesitates.
Well. This is a clue.
Buffy notices the hesitation.
Jonathan seems to recover, snapping back to his "normal" self. He folds up the sketch, tucks it into his pocket.
I've heard of this. Not a demon,
just a monster. Not much more
than an animal. Sticks to the
woods, doesn't come near populated areas.
But it did this time. It might
again. We should probably patrol.
If you want me to mobilize a squad --
Actually, I think Karen simply startled it --
(to Karen, comforting)
Probably more afraid of you than you were of it.
I'll patrol, but you don't have to worry about it.
I can handle it on my own. Now, let's see about
getting Karen a ride home...
His voice grows more distant as we move to:
ANGLE: EDGE OF THE SCENE
Someone leans casually against a tree, watching the entire scene from the shadows. He's named JAPE, and he's a vampire, but we don't know that yet, because he's not in vamp-face right now. He smirks at the proceedings.
EXT. LIBRARY - NIGHT
To establish. One light burns deep inside the building.
INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT
A dead and eviscerated LIBRARIAN lies on the tile floor. Flies are heard buzzing faintly.
Adam sits nearby at a table. He has surrounded himself with a media feast: open books are piled in front of him and three computer monitors flicker in front of him, displaying data and pictures. He absorbs all the information.
PICTURES OF JONATHAN DOMINATE THE MONITORS: JONATHAN ACCEPTING AWARDS, CHATTING ON A TALK SHOW, etc. Jape steps into frame behind Adam. Now he's in VAMP-FACE.
Wish you'd get rid of that body.
The smell's making me hungry.
You wouldn't want it. It had a
blood disease. It didn't know,
but it would've been dead within
the year. Humans sense so little
of what they carry inside.
Huh. Hey, guess what? There's
something new in town. Attacked
a girl. Caused a little fuss.
Jape looks at the monitors, sees the images of Jonathan.
He was there. Jonathan.
Adam looks directly at Jape, interested for the first time.
Jonathan. Tell me. Who is he?
You're joking, right? Jonathan is Jonathan.
(points at the monitors)
These are lies.
Adam hits a switch and the monitors die.
None of this is real. The world
has been changed. It's intriguing,
but it's wrong.
Feels okay to me.
Adam looks away again, no longer interested in Jape. He picks up a book.
You are under his spell like the others.
I seem to be the only one who's not.
Yeah? What makes you so special?
Adam answers, but it's more like he's talking to himself:
I'm aware. I know every molecule
of myself and everything around
me. No one -- no human, no demon
has ever been as awake and alive
as I am. You're all shadows.
Jape's a little creeped out by that.
Oh. So what do you do now? You
could kill Jonathan. Or you could
try, I mean, the guy's a dynamo of action.
I don't need to do anything.
These majiks are unstable,
corrosive. They will inevitably
lead to chaos. And I'm interested in chaos.
INT. JONATHAN'S STUDY - NIGHT
Jonathan, wearing an expensive silk robe, stands at his marble mantelpiece and stares into a roaring fire. A lovely Swedish woman, INGA, appears on a balcony that overhangs the room. She's wearing a negligee and she calls down to him:
Jonathan! Aren't you coming to bed?
Another woman enters frame. Inga's identical twin ILSA, wearing identical revealing nightwear. She stops brushing her hair and also calls out:
It's getting late.
I'll be right there.
Jonathan slips off his silk robe and heads toward the bedroom. ON THE BACK OF HIS LEFT SHOULDER WE SEE THE SAME MARK THAT THE MONSTER HAD.
EXT. CAMPUS - NIGHT
Buffy, Willow and Tara are walking home.
I'm glad you're okay. Everyone in
the Bronze was pretty freaked out
after you all left.
So I guess you have to go fight
this thing, huh?
All the weapons are at Giles',
it won't take long--
Did you just go no go?
Jonathan did. Said it's some kind
of brainless beastie. He's gonna
take care of it himself.
I guess. It was a little... I
don't know. For a second I
thought he looked... like... scared.
Um, Buffy, this is Jonathan. You
know he doesn't get scared. You
talked about it when you gave him
the Class Protector Award at the Prom.
They reach a fork in the path.
(indicating the path)
Um-- my exit. Willow,
I'll see you tomorrow.
Tara starts to walk away. As she goes, Willow puts a hand on Tara's shoulder, lets it drift down Tara's arm, gives her hand a warm squeeze before they part. Willow and Buffy walk on.
So. I saw you and Riley, with the dancing.
Mmm. It was a really great dance,
you know? For the first time I
felt like Faith wasn't there.
Like no one was there but us.
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
Tara heads alone down a dark hall from a side door toward the commons area. The hall is scary around her and the commons promises safety ahead. She hears something behind her and she walks faster.
But she's misjudged the direction of the danger. The Monster steps out from around a corner in front of her and she finds herself face-to-face with it. It reaches out with one of its massive forearms and swats her to the ground, face-down. It pummels her with its arms, tearing at her with its claws.
It looks like she's being torn apart.
INT. HALLWAY/COMMONS - NIGHT
Tara SCREAMS and resists, tearing away and scrambling down the hall. She can see the commons just ahead. Bleeding and bruised, she half-crawls, half-runs for the commons, making it there just in time to see a JANITOR DISAPPEAR UP THE STAIRS, TURNING OUT THE LIGHTS AS HE GOES. She starts to yell, but the Monster knocks her to the floor and she gasps for breath.
(raggedly, in Latin)
Sensus confundantur et aer
absorbeat mentem obscuratam.
Confound the senses and
charge the air. Mist
engulfs. Mind is fogged.
A burst of smoke forms around her hands. She points at the monster with a shaking finger and the smoke streams out to surround it. The Monster ROARS, confused.
Tara drags herself away from it, to a closed door labeled "Janitorial supplies." She opens the door, crawls in, and just manages to close the door. Then he is at it, battering it fiercely.
INT. CLOSET - NIGHT
A small dark space. Tara huddles in the corner, injured and frightened. Her face is bruised and she clutches her bleeding leg. The Monster can still be heard POUNDING AT THE DOOR.
INT. TARA'S DORM ROOM - MORNING (DAY 3)
The pounding becomes an URGENT KNOCKING at Tara's door. Willow hurries to answer it. She opens it to reveal Buffy.
Willow, what's going on? I got
here as fast as I could.
Willow steps aside, REVEALING Tara, curled up on her own bed, trembling and bloodied, her clothing torn.
Oh my god.
Buffy and Willow go to Tara's side. Willow sits on the floor next to the bed. She cleans the cuts on Tara's arms and hands, as she was obviously doing before she was interrupted.
She's going to be okay,
but she's terrified.
What happened? What did this?
Willow is upset, off on her own track.
Someone found her in the janitor's
closet about an hour ago. I think
she was there all night. All alone.
Willow is about to cry.
Tara, what did this?
Big. Lumpy. And it had a thing
on it's head. Like a Greek letter only not.
Buffy freezes. She picks up a piece of paper from the nightstand, quickly draws the Monster's mark. She holds it up for Tara.
This? Was it this?
Tara looks at it... nods. Buffy sits down on a chair - hit hard by the information. Willow still sits on the floor next to Tara, holding the injured girl's hand.
Buffy? Jonathan said we were
safe! Jonathan said it.
I guess... I guess he made a mistake.
He doesn't make mistakes.
Remember the SATs? He got a
perfect score and then he
recreated the original proof of
Fermat's last theorem in the
margins around the answer bubbles!
You're right. He doesn't make mistakes.
EXT. SUNNYDALE STREET - DAY (DAY 3)
Buffy walks and thinks. She doesn't even look at the posters and the marquee of the Sun Cinema, which is showing "BEING JONATHAN LEVINSON." She doesn't look at the health food store with its display of "JONATHAN-SHAPED CHEWABLE VITAMINS". She doesn't look at the two kids sitting on a bench outside the store playing with their JONATHAN ACTION FIGURES.
I crush you with my super-Jonathan blaster!
TIGHT ON BUFFY
As she walks along one of those rough wood walls that surround construction sites. Behind her we get glimpses of posters. DEEP IN THOUGHT, Buffy passes by them. She walks slower. Then stops.
Buffy is small at the leading edge of the frame now and we see the whole wall. Identical posters stretch out behind her -- all the ones she's already passed by. Each one shows JONATHAN'S FACE AND THE WORDS "JONATHAN.COM." She turns and looks back at them, lets herself really see them.
INT. XANDER'S BASEMENT - DAY
Buffy faces Anya across the doorway at the base of the outside stairs.
Xander's not here.
They stand there for a beat.
You're not going away.
Why aren't you going away?
Well, I kind of wanted to look at
some of Xander's stuff...
(practiced and flat)
Please come in, make yourself
at home. And so on.
Buffy enters. Anya flops down on the sofa, picks up her copy of "Oh, Jonathan!" and reads, mouthing the words softly to herself.
Buffy wanders around the room, looking at Xander's collection of Jonathanabilia: JONATHAN COLLECTABLE CARDS. A JONATHAN MUSIC-CD. A JONATHAN COMIC BOOK IN A PLASTIC SLEEVE - we glimpse the title "TARGET: JONATHAN."
Buffy crosses to the sofa, and sits down with Anya.
Oh, you're still here. Um...
Can I ask you something? Does it
ever seem, I don't know, weird to
you that Jonathan is so good at everything?
She goes back to her book. Buffy takes the book from her, sets it aside.
Hey! I was just at the part where
he invents the internet!
Anya, he fights better than I do.
And I'm the Slayer. The Slayer --
that's supposed to mean something, right?
Oh. Um buck up, you. You kill
the best. Go you. Kill kill.
Actually, not needing the
validation. But, thanks. It's
just... he's too perfect and...
I don't know...
So I can have my book back--
Anya, when you were a demon,
you granted wishes, right?
Vengeance wishes on ex-boyfriends.
I wish he was a dog, or ugly, or
in love with President McKinley or something.
But someone could wish the whole
world to be different? That's possible?
Sure. Alternate realities. You
could have, like, a world without
shrimp. Or with, you know,
nothing but shrimp. You could
even make a freaky world where
Jonathan's some kind of not-
perfect mouth-breather if that's
what's blowing your skirt up tonight.
Just don't ask me to live there.
Now. If you'll just give me back
my book you can be on your way
Buffy, deep in thought, shoves the book at her.
INT. GILES' APARTMENT - NIGHT
Buffy is leading a Scooby-gang meeting. Giles, Xander, Willow, Riley and Anya are there.
I'm just saying it doesn't make
sense. He starred in 'The Matrix'
but he never left town? And how
exactly did he graduate from med
school? He's only eighteen years old!
Effective time management?
I'm sorry, Buffy. I just don't
understand what you're trying to say.
Yeah. When is Jonathan gonna get
here and start the meeting?
This is the meeting.
This is the meeting?
Buffy has something to say.
Let's hear what it is. Go ahead.
Well, I wanted to kind of... see
if anyone else thinks Jonathan's,
kind of, too perfect.
No. He's not. He's just perfect
enough. He crushed the bones of
the Master, he blew up a big snake
made out of Mayor, and he coached
the U.S. Women's Soccer Team to a
stunning World Cup victory. We
saw him doing those things!
But see, I'm not sure we can trust
our memories. Anya, tell them
about the alternate universes.
Oh. Okay, well, say you really
liked shrimp a lot. Or, we could
say that you didn't like shrimp at
all. "Blah, I wish there weren't
any shrimp," you say to yourself--
No, no. She's not saying it
right. I just think he did
something so he's manipulating the
world, and we're all, you know, like pawns.
Stop with the shrimp! I'm trying
to do something serious here!
Yes, of course, I just -- I think
you're a little out of your depth.
But, I'm not --
It sounds like nonsense.
Buffy deflates -- the last betrayal.
But I'm starting to know this girl
pretty well and I think she sees
things the rest of us don't. I
think -- for once -- we should
follow her lead.
She looks at him, moved. Then:
Okay. The other day, I think I
saw him ignore evidence. I think
he let Tara get hurt.
How did he ignore evidence?
This Monster has a mark on it.
Jonathan saw it and he kind of... blinked.
He blinked. The man moistens his
eyeballs and we're having a meeting about it.
He knew something about that Monster.
He was reacting to the mark-- Wait.
They wait a long beat as she thinks. Then another. Finally:
How long do we usually wait for these things?
I remember something. Giles, do
you have a Jonathan Swimsuit Calendar?
He opens a drawer, pulls out the Jonathan Swimsuit Calendar.
It was a gift.
Buffy pages through it.
No. No. Wow. No. There!
She stops on a revealing photograph of Jonathan in which part of the mark on his shoulder is visible. Willow gasps.
Yeah. Pretty darn lickable.
The other kind of oh. That's it.
That's what Tara drew.
Why would Jonathan have the same
mark as the Monster?
I don't know... But Jonathan is
definitely keeping --
Is this a private conversation?
They all turn. Jonathan stands casually near the door...
Or can Mister July sit in?
Hi. Buffy was just saying how you
had a Monster cut up Willow's friend.
No. It's just, the mark. You
said it was safe and it wasn't.
I'm sorry. I just don't understand.
Then I'll explain. Buffy is right.
I do have a history with the
creature, the Monster. The
problem is, every time I face it,
my mind becomes, sort of,
confused. There's some kind of
power it possesses.
Oh! Oh! He's your Kryptonite!
Jonathan smiles sadly.
Maybe. I just know it takes all
my energy to try to fight the
confusion. That's why I had his
mark tattooed on me. So I
wouldn't underestimate him next
time. But it didn't work, and
people got hurt. It's terrible.
But I swear to you all, it wasn't malicious.
This does explain everything.
I knew he wouldn't do anything on purpose.
Me too. And that whole alternate
universe thing was just freaky.
The camera stays close on Buffy thinking as the conversation continues. She's still troubled.
Jonathan. Let's go after the
Monster right now. You and me.
Jonathan starts to look a little strained.
I'm sure it's left town by now.
That's been its pattern.
We can try.
Sure. Let's do that.
EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT
Jonathan and Buffy are approaching Spike's crypt when he steps out to meet them.
Oh, look. Jonathan. Taking the
little sidekick out for a walk, are we?
Shut up, Spike.
Ooh. Semi-harsh language from
Betty. You're feisty when the big
guy's standing beside you.
Spike runs a finger down the side of Buffy's face, then runs it caressingly across her throat.
Someday, Sweet Slayer, I'd love to
take you on. See you face the
evil alone for once.
Jonathan SLAPS Spike's hand away from Buffy roughly, then PUSHES SPIKE up against the crypt wall. Spike twists, helpless against Jonathan's strength.
That's enough creepy small talk.
We're looking for a monster.
Why would I know about that?
Every demon in this town is
gunning for you right now. So I
figure you're probably keeping
pretty good track of them. Big
arms. Mark on its head. Have you seen it?
No. But then again, I'm probably lying.
Jonathan backs off and Spike rubs the back of his head.
We're not getting anything out of him.
Buffy considers that for a moment. Then SHE grabs Spike and throws him up against the wall and holds him there.
Ow! What are you doing? You
aren't supposed to do that.
Buffy leans in close, speaks softly, intimately.
Spike, you're relying on butcher's
blood right now, aren't you?
What are you saying?
Just that the butchers in this
town respect Jonathan's
reputation. If they do him a
favor you might get pretty thirsty.
Look, I don't know much, okay?
There's some vampires got kicked
out of a cave in the hills behind
Brookside park. Don't know what
did the kicking out, but it was
prob'ly pretty big--
Jonathan and Buffy are already headed away. Spike rubs his head again.
(to Buffy, a little shaky)
That was very good. Very good.
INT. GILES' APARTMENT - NIGHT
Giles has the others, Xander, Riley, Anya, and Willow, helping him with research into the use of the Mark. They're flipping through dusty old books.
These spells -- these really work?
I mean, can you really "turn your
enemies inside out." Or "learn to
excrete gold coins"?
That one's not so much fun.
They work, Riley. But they take
concentration, being attuned with
the forces of the universe...
Right. You can't just go
"Librum Incendere" and expect--
XANDER'S BOOK BURSTS INTO FLAMES. He slams it shut, extinguishing it.
Xander, don't speak Latin
in front of the books.
Guys, this is weird. I'm not sure
we should be doing this. Jonathan
trusts us. We shouldn't be
checking up on him.
Yeah. I feel dirty. And not in
a spanky fun way.
It does feel wrong. Hey. I'm
having moral qualms. That's new!
I don't like 'em.
I don't know. Buffy seemed pretty sure.
Hey. I found the mark. It's part
of an Augmentation spell.
Jonathan did an Augmentation spell.
What... um... what did he have... augmented?
Him. And how we see him. This
spell turns the sorcerer into a,
into a sort of paragon. The best
of everything, everyone's ideal.
But there's a drawback.
That happens a lot.
Giles is reading over Willow's shoulder.
In order to balance the new force
of good, the spell has to create
the opposing force of evil. The
worst of everything. Everyone's nightmare.
He created the monster.
So we're saying he did a spell
that just made us think he was cool?
That is so cool.
Giles, Buffy and Jonathan are
going after this nightmare thing.
Are they going to be okay?
Well, it seems that the well-being
of this creature is linked to
Jonathan. If it dies, the spell
is broken and Jonathan reverts to
whatever he was before.
Jonathan isn't going to want
Buffy to get very far.
INT. CAVE - NIGHT
Buffy and Jonathan enter a drippy creepy cave. They make their way slowly.
They walk cautiously to the edge of a deep chasm. Buffy stands near the edge, looks down into it.
ANGLE: ENDLESS CHASM (CGI)
Wow. Look at that. Fall down
there and be dead for a while.
Jonathan is sweating and licking his lips, looking less cool than we've ever seen him.
Yeah. Don't... don't want that to happen.
It would be easy to push Buffy over. He reaches for her. His hand closes around her wrist. And he... pulls her gently back away from the edge.
Come on. We've got a Monster to fi--
Jonathan turns, to find himself FACE-TO-FACE with the MONSTER. It swats him to one side. Jonathan lands hard, knocked unconscious.
finds herself standing alone, facing the monster.
INT. GILES' APARTMENT - NIGHT
Everyone (Giles, Willow, Xander, Anya, Riley) is sitting around, dazed and shellshocked.
(trying it out)
Buffy was right. Buffy was right.
Doesn't sound very likely, does it?
So, if this is the world he
created, what's the real world like?
I'm scared. Everything's going to change.
Well, actually, it should be more
or less the same, except that
Jonathan won't be Jonathan. Not
our Jonathan, anyway.
No. No. No. No. World without
sunshine! World without joy!
But, wait. It only changes back
if Buffy kills this thing, right?
I mean, if she loses, we could be
stuck in this... wrong world forever.
Things looking up. I mean, we're
all happy here, right?
(off their looks)
You know, if she doesn't get killed.
Can Buffy do it? Giles, can she do it?
I, I honestly don't know. She's
never stood alone against
something like this before.
INT. CAVE - NIGHT
As we left things. Jonathan lies unconscious
on the cave floor. Buffy stands alone against the Monster. (NOTE: THE
CRUCIAL DYNAMIC OF THIS FIGHT IS THAT JONATHAN IS A STRONG FIGHTER EVERY
TIME THE MONSTER IS WINNING. JONATHAN IS WEAK
Regaining consciousness. He looks over at:
ANGLE: BUFFY AND THE MONSTER
Buffy kicks the Monster -- not hard enough. It doesn't budge. Instead, the Monster catches Buffy with a heavy clawed arm and she falls.
Invigorated by the Monster's momentary advantage, Jonathan flips up to his feet and helps Buffy to her feet.
Jonathan! What do we do?
I think you're gonna have to
handle this one solo.
What? But I -- how?
You'll know. You used to. And
the more you hurt it, the more
I'll lose my --
The Monster charges Buffy. Buffy sweeps its feet from under it with a kick and it falls.
What? Lose your what?
ANGLE: JONATHAN YELPS AND RUNS AWAY
He's sweaty and freaked out and even his CLOTHES seem rumpled and ill-fitting. This guy has lost his cool.
ANGLE: THE MONSTER
Back on its feet, looking strong. It ROARS!
Stops running and turns around -- the Monster's strength gives him strength. Tailored and suave, he breaks a stalactite off the ceiling, brandishes it like a sword and leaps back into the fight.
He strikes the Monster with it. The Monster is driven back. Triggered by the Monster's weakness, Jonathan yelps and drops the stalactite, then trips over it as he tries to run away.
She takes advantage of the Monster's current state. She moves in, hitting it with a flurry of punches, fighting with increasing confidence and style.
I remember this. This is good.
The Monster fights back, hitting her hard.
Leaps to his feet... charges into the fight once more!
vaults over a stalagmite, slamming into the Monster and driving it back almost to the lip of the chasm.
Runs screaming from the fight again. Trembling and scared, he hugs himself, huddled against the wall of the cave.
ANGLE: THE MONSTER
Lands a slashing blow that catches Buffy across the shoulder and throws her to the ground. SHE'S DANGLING ON THE EDGE OF THE CHASM, ONE ARM HANGING INTO THE VOID. The Monster presses down on her head with one massive clawed arm... threatening to crush her skull.
Suddenly, JONATHAN GETS TO HIS FEET... AND LAUNCHES HIMSELF INTO A HUGE FLYING TACKLE. HE HITS THE MONSTER.
Jonathan and the Monster are both carried over the edge, falling into the chasm.
lying on the edge, just manages to catch the hem of Jonathan's pants-leg between her fingers moments before we hear the bone-splintering crunch of the Monster hitting the bottom of the pit.
EXT STREET, BILLBOARD - NIGHT
With a magical WHOOSH, and a sweeping tide of ELECTRICAL BLUE LIGHT, the world reverts to the Sunnydale we know. The billboard is swept by the line of blue fire. Now instead of Jonathan, a smiling woman holds the shoe.
EXT. STREET, SUN CINEMA - NIGHT
The BLUE LIGHT sweeps the marquee. "SNOW FALLING ON JONATHAN" becomes "CLOSED FOR REPAIRS."
EXT. STREET, WALL OF POSTERS - NIGHT
The BLUE LIGHT races along the wall of posters. The endless row of Jonathan faces becomes an endless row of posters advertising "Dingoes Ate My Baby."
EXT. CAMPUS - DAY
Buffy, Xander, Anya, Willow, Riley and Tara sit at the base of a tree on campus. Tara is still bruised, but looks otherwise recovered.
I can't believe we believed it.
It seemed so real.
In that world it was real.
Alternate realities are neat.
You know what I'll always remember?
Well, the swimsuit calendar's
sticking in my mind.
(off Buffy's look)
Not in a good way.
I'll always remember the way he
made me feel about me. Valued and
respected. Sort of tingly. And
now I'm just... empty.
Poor Xander, I guess he hurt you
most of all.
Right. After Tara, of course.
Did anyone else feel way too tall?
I felt way too tall...
As the others continue to talk, Buffy sees Jonathan standing a little distance away, loitering, trying to catch her eye. She crosses to him.
I, I wasn't sure you'd come over.
Everyone's mostly forgetting, but
I think some people are kinda angry.
Nobody's even talking to me.
And the twins moved out.
Why'd you do it anyway? No, I get
why. How did you do it?
After the... thing... with the
bell tower and the gun? I went to
counselling. Other kids with
problems. One of 'em had this
spell. He glossed right over the
Monster. Well, anyway. I just...
I just wanted to apologize. No
one was supposed to get hurt.
Jonathan, you get why they're mad,
right? Not just the Monster.
People didn't like being, you
know, the actors in your little
sock puppet theater.
You weren't! You weren't socks!
We were friends.
Jonathan, you can't keep trying to
make everything work out all at
once, with some huge gesture.
Things are complicated. They take
time and work.
He starts to go, then turns back:
Hey... Buffy? You remember,
I gave you some advice?
Um... Watch out for southpaws?
No. About you and Riley. I mean,
things are kinda starting to blur,
but this cool thing I said, that
I don't really remember, I think
it was right. I think it was
kinda the same thing you just said
to me. About things taking work.
Good. Because it's true. What
you have is really complicated,
but it's worth it. I think that's
what I said.
Buffy absorbs that.
INT. RILEY'S ROOM - NIGHT - LATER
Buffy and Riley kiss on Riley's bed.
I'm glad we talked this all out.
Um... we haven't talked at all.
Well, whatever we're doing?
We're doing it great.
He kisses her again.
Riley reacts, startled.
FADE TO BLACK.
I was kidding.