Doppelgängland

(January 27, 1999)

Written by: Joss Whedon

Teaser

(NOTE: this episode will begin with a big-ass "Previously", depicting the events of episode nine.)

INT. CEREMONIAL CHAMBER - NIGHT (PREVIOUSLY SCENE A)

A dark and maleficent demon, D'HOFFRYN, sits on a stone altar, barely visible in the dim flicker of candlelight. Kneeling before him is ANYA, dressed in ceremonial robes. Neither of them is particularly happy.

D'HOFFRYN
Do not ask again! Your powers were
a gift of the lower beings. You have
proved unworthy of them.

ANYA
I was robbed of them!

D'HOFFRYN
By your carelessness.

ANYA
For a thousand years I wielded the
power of the wish. I brought ruin
upon the heads of unfaithful men, I
offered destruction and chaos for the
pleasure of the lowers beings. I was
feared and worshipped across the
mortal globe and now I'm stuck at
Sunnydale High! A mortal! A child!
And I'm flunking math.

D'HOFFRYN
This is no concern of ours. You will
live out your mortal life and die.

ANYA
Give me another chance. You can fold
the fabric of time. Send me back to
that moment and I'll change it.
I won't fail again.

D'HOFFRYN
Your time is passed.

ANYA
Do you have any idea how boring
twelfth graders are? I'm getting
my powercenter back. And if you
won't help me then by the pestilent
gods I'll find someone who will.

EXT. SCHOOLYARD - DAY

Willow is concentrating intently on something. We hold close on her face as, magically, a pencil floats up into frame in front of her. Very slowly, the pencil begins to spin.

A WIDER ANGLE shows Willow lying on her stomach in the grass. Buffy is doing sit ups next to her, talking.

BUFFY
The Watcher council shrink is
heavily into tests. He's got
tests for everything. T.A.T.'s,
rorschach, associative logic...
(finishes sit ups)
They have that test to see if you're
crazy that asks if you hear voices or
have ever wanted to be a florist.

WILLOW
(perky)
Oh, I used to -- Wait. Florist means
crazy, right? I never wanted to do that.

BUFFY
(re: pencil)
Neat.

WILLOW
Thanks. It's all about emotional
control. Plus, obviously, magic.
You wanna go to the espresso pump?
Get sugared up on mochas?

Buffy starts packing stuff in a gym bag.

BUFFY
Pass. I'm gonna hit the pool,
do some laps.

WILLOW
And how come all the sudden
calisthenics? Aren't you sort
of naturally buff, Buff?
(to herself, pleased)
Buff buff!

BUFFY
Well, they've really got us running
around on the physical side, too. A
lot of precision training and reflex
evaluation, and I just wanna... do...

WILLOW
... better than Faith?

BUFFY
(contrite)
So very shallow.

WILLOW
Competition is natural and healthy.
And you'll definitely ace her on the
psyche tests. Just don't mark the
box that says "I sometimes like to
kill people."

BUFFY
I know Faith isn't exactly on the
cover of Sanity Fair, but she's had
it rough. Different circumstances,
that could be me.

WILLOW
No way.

BUFFY
We can't control the way we grow up.

WILLOW
No. You're you. She's her. Some
people just don't have that in them.

BUFFY
I'm sorry, I know you hate talking
about Faith...

WILLOW
No, it's okay.

BUFFY
Really, I --

WILLOW
It doesn't bother me. I mean it.

BUFFY
Uh, Will?

Will looks at Buffy, who indicates the pencil.

ANGLE: THE PENCIL

is spinning so fast, it's starting to steam.

WILLOW
Ooh.

She frowns at it, tries a hand gesture -- and the pencil rockets away, smashing into something O.S.

BUFFY
Emotional control.

WILLOW
I'm working on it.

BLACK OUT.

END OF TEASER
Act One

INT. SNYDER'S OFFICE - DAY

Snyder sits before Willow and the slack and hulking PERCY, jock extraordinaire.

SNYDER
As far as I'm concerned, this is a
marriage made in heaven. Willow
Rosenberg, despite her unsavory
associations, represents the pinnacle
of academic achievement at Sunnydale
high. Percy West represents a
devastating fast break and fifty
percent from behind the three point line.

WILLOW
I'm not sure I understand the
marriage part.

SNYDER
You've got the brains, he's got the
fast break. It's a perfect match.

WILLOW
(nervously glancing at Percy)
Match? You want us to breed?

SNYDER
I want you to tutor him. Percy is
flunking history. Nothing seems to
be able to motivate him.

PERCY
Hey, I'm challenged.

SNYDER
You're lazy, self involved and
spoiled. That's quite the challenge.
But we need a winning year,
especially after last year's debacle
with the swim team. Can't have our
point guard benched.
(to Willow)
So you are going to take on a little
teaching job. I know how you enjoy teaching.

WILLOW
But I have a lot of work of my own --

SNYDER
You've gotten a letter of acceptance
from every university with a stamp.
I think your academic career is safe.

WILLOW
Yes, but I still have classes
and I don't want --

SNYDER
Rosenberg. It's time to give
something back to the community.
I know you want to help your
school out here. Ask me how I know.

WILLOW
How do y--

SNYDER
I just know.

The threat is really only in his eyes. Willow looks at him, and at Percy. Percy just looks bored.

INT. LIBRARY - DAY

Willow enters with Buffy.

BUFFY
So he threatened you? With what?

WILLOW
It wasn't anything exactly that he
said. It was all in his eyes. I
mean, there was some nostril work
as well, but mostly eyes.

BUFFY
Snyder needs me to kick his ass.

WILLOW
Oh, no, Buffy, don't get yourself in
trouble. I'll be okay. I just hate
the way he bullies people. He just
assumes their time is his.

GILES
(entering from his office)
Willow, get on the computer. I want
you to take another pass at accessing
the Mayor's files.

WILLOW
Okay.

Faith enters with a winded Wesley.

FAITH
Well, that was a blast.

GILES
How did it go?

FAITH
Princess Margaret here had a little
trouble keeping up.

GILES
(to Wesley)
How did it go?

WESLEY
Faith... did quite well on the
obstacle field. And her... reflexes
are improving rapidly. Physically...
(pointedly emphasized)
she's in good shape. Still a little
sloppy, though.

He hands Giles a clipboard of times.

GILES
Do you feel up to taking Buffy out,
or shall I?

WESLEY
No, I'll be fine. I just need a
minute. And some defibulators, if
it's not too much trouble.

BUFFY
I better change.

FAITH
You're gonna love it, B. It's just
like fun, only boring.

GILES
Faith, The evaluations are a
necessary part of --

FAITH
(contrite)
Hey. I know. I'm on board here.
Just shooting my mouth off.

As Buffy passes to go out, she and Faith lock eyes. Faith says quietly and sincerely:

FAITH
Good luck.

Touches Buffy's arm as she passes. Buffy smiles kindly at her, exiting.

Faith wanders over to Willow as Giles and Wesley retreat into the office. Willow is not wildly comfy around Faith, but acts with strained politeness.

FAITH
Whatchya doing?

WILLOW
I'm trying to access the Mayor's
personal files.

FAITH
Can you do that?

WILLOW
He's got some pretty tricky
barriers set up.

FAITH
Can you get past 'em?

WILLOW
Eventually. I'll get through.

INT. FAITH'S NEW APARTMENT - DAY

The Mayor stands before us, taking in the news.

MAYOR
Well, that's very interesting.

Faith is looking around, blown away by the place.

FAITH
Yeah, I thought so too. Are you
serious about this place?

MAYOR
Of course I am! No Slayer of mine is
going to live in a fleabag hotel.
That place has a very unsavory
reputation. There are immoral
liaisons going on there.

FAITH
Plus all the screwing.
But this is the kick!

MAYOR
We'll keep your old place, in case
you need to see your friends there.
But from now on --

Faith has run to the bed, is jumping up and down on it.

MAYOR
Shoes! Shoes!

She jumps off, landing in front of him.

FAITH
Thanks, sugardaddy.

MAYOR
Oh! Faith. I don't find that sort
of thing amusing. I'm a family man.
Now. Let's kill your little friend.

Faith looks a little hesitant at this.

MAYOR
Oh, don't worry. I wouldn't ask you,
not this early in our relationship.
I think a vampire attack would look
less suspicious anyway.

Faith nods, still not saying anything.

MAYOR
In the meantime, let's take a look at
the rest of the place. If I'm not
mistaken, some lucky girl has herself
a playstation.

FAITH
No way!

MAYOR
Yes way.

He leads her towards the other room.

OMITTED

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY

Willow is there. Oz approaches.

OZ
Hey, Baby.

WILLOW
Oz. Hi.

OZ
There's something about you that's
causing me to hug you.
(which he is)
It's as if I have no will of my own.

She hugs him back perfunctorily. They start for the grassy fountainy area.

WILLOW
Where were you yesterday?

OZ
We got back late, sort of very.

WILLOW
We? Who? Where?

OZ
The Band. We had a gig in
Monterrey Sunday night.

WILLOW
You did? How come I didn't know?

OZ
I thought you did...

WILLOW
Maybe I would have liked to go.

OZ
Didn't figure you for missing school.

WILLOW
You think I'm boring.

OZ
I'd call that a radical
interpretation of the text.
We're playing the Bronze tonight.

WILLOW
I can't. I have too much homework.

OZ
Well, you'll be there in spirit.
If you get done early.

He goes in a classroom. Willow goes outside.

EXT. STEPS TO FOUNTAIN QUAD - DAY

Willow catches up with Percy.

WILLOW
Percy! Hey. Listen, why don't we
get together at lunch and we can go
over your Roosevelt paper, what books
you'll need and stuff.

PERCY
What are you talking about?

WILLOW
Tutoring you. The history paper?

PERCY
Snyder said you were gonna do it.

WILLOW
He never said that.

PERCY
What meeting were you in?

WILLOW
Look, I'll pick up the books.
Just meet me at lunch and we'll --

PERCY
I don't have time at lunch.
I have to hang out.

WILLOW
Oh. Well...

PERCY
What, you got something better to do?
Just type it up and put my name on
it. And don't type too good. Dead giveaway.

He bails. Willow sits, unable to shake her crankiness as she goes through her lunchbag. She pulls out a banana.

WILLOW
I'm gonna eat this now. It's not
lunchtime and I don't even care.

Buffy and Xander come happily up to her.

BUFFY
Hey!

XANDER
Willow! Did you remember to tape
Biography last friday?

WILLOW
Uh huh.

BUFFY
(to Xander)
What did I tell you? Old reliable.

WILLOW
(bitterly)
Oh, thanks!

BUFFY
What?

WILLOW
Old reliable? Yeah, great!
There's a sexy nickname.

BUFFY
Oh, Will, I didn't mean --

WILLOW
No, it's fine. I'm old reliable.

XANDER
She just meant, you know, the geyser.
You're like a geyser of fun that goes
off at regular intervals.

WILLOW
That's old faithful.

XANDER
Isn't that the dog that the guy has
to shoot --

WILLOW
That's old Yeller.

BUFFY
Xander, I beg you not to help me.
(to Will)
Will, I didn't mean it in a bad way.
I think it's good to be reliable.

WILLOW
Well maybe I don't wanna be reliable
all the time. Maybe I'm not just
doormat... person. Homework Gal.

XANDER
I'm thinking nervestrike.

She's up and ready to head inside. Starts in, turns back.

WILLOW
Maybe I'll change my look.
Or cut class. You don't know.
(holds up banana)
And I'm eating this banana.
Lunchtime be damned!

She starts off again, Buffy coming up to her.

BUFFY
Willow, I really didn't mean --

WILLOW
(not unkindly)
Buffy, I'm storming off. It doesn't
work if you come with me.

BUFFY
Oh.

She lets her go.

INT. SCHOOL LOUNGE HALL - DAY (PREVIOUSLY SCENE B)

Willow comes grumpily inside, starts heading up the stairs.

ANYA
Willow?

Willow turns, sees Anya coming up the steps. Willow comes back down a few, clearly not that familiar with the girl.

WILLOW
Uh, hi...

ANYA
Anya. I'm sort of new here.
I know Cordelia...

WILLOW
(deadpan)
Ooh, fun.

ANYA
Listen, I have this little project
I'm working on, and I heard you were
the person to ask --

WILLOW
Uh huh. That's me.
Reliable dog geyser person.
(resigned)
What do you need?

ANYA
It's nothing big. Just a little
spell I'm working on.

Willow perks up.

WILLOW
A spell? Ooh. I like the black arts.

ANYA
Yeah. I need a secondary to create
a temporal fold. I heard you were a
pretty powerful wicca, so...

WILLOW
You heard right, mister. I'm always
ready to work some dark mojo. So tell me...
(sly smile)
... is it dangerous?

ANYA
Oh, no.

WILLOW
(disappointed)
Well, could we pretend it is?

INT. CLASSROOM - NIGHT

We are close on a spell set-up that sits on the floor. In the middle of the usual accoutrement is a white plate on which is a finger painted representation of a necklace.

The camera pulls out to find Anya and Willow finishing the set up. The desks have been pushed away from the center of the room, forming a rough circle around the circle of majick. Anya is taking colored sand and funneling it into a small glass vial with a paper funnel. Willow is laying bones and whatnot about.

ANYA
The necklace was a family heirloom.
Passed down for generations, then it
was stolen from my Mom's apartment.

WILLOW
How does the spell work?

ANYA
We both call on Eyrishon, the endless
one. Offer up the standard supplication.
Then there's a teensy temporal fold -
we hope -- I pour the sacred sand on
the representation of the necklace
and Eyrishon brings it forth from
the time and place where it was lost.

WILLOW
Cool.

ANYA
Of course, there's a lot of theory
there, but I figure it's worth a
shot. Are we ready?

WILLOW
I think so.

They sit facing each other, cross-legged in the circle. Close their eyes. Anya begins, holding out her right hand, palm up.

ANYA
Eyrishon. K'shala. Meh-uhn.

Willow does the same gesture.

WILLOW
Diprecht. Doh-tehenlo Nu-Eyrishon.

ANYA
The child to the mother.

WILLOW
The river to the sea.

Anya holds out the vial. Willow wraps her hand around Anya's.

ANYA
Eyrishon. Hear my prayer.

A moment. Nothing.

Then LIGHT, streaming from the ceiling, wrapping the girls in electric auras. Willow is jolted -- transfixed. This is more than she expected.

CLOSE ON: WILLOW'S EYES

As they suddenly jolt open.

WHITE OUT.

Images flash before us, rapidfire, distorted. Images from the alternate universe from episode nine: Anyanka and Giles. Vampire Willow (heretofore referred to as Vampwill) fighting Buffy. Buffy killing Xander. The necklace. And others, so fast we can't even register them.

Willow is shaking, so is Anya -- a huge thunderclap and Anya turns the sand vial over.

CLOSE ON: WILLOW'S LEG

As it is jolted, kicks out, knocking the plate aside and the sand pours onto the leg instead, the frame WHITES OUT again...

INT. THE PLANT (ALTERNATE UNIVERSE NEW FOOTAGE) - NIGHT 9

We see Vampwill about to be impaled By Oz -- and she disappears. Oz looks about him, confused.

INT. CLASSROOM - NIGHT

The light is suddenly sucked back and the girls break apart, breathing hard. Willow is more than a little freaked.

WILLOW
What was that? That was -
what was that?

ANYA
(looking for her necklace)
It's not here. It's not here!

WILLOW
Okay, that's a little blacker
than I like my arts.

ANYA
Oh, don't be such a wimp.

WILLOW
That wasn't just a temporal fold,
that was some weird Hell place.
I don't think you're telling
me everything.

ANYA
I swear, I'm just trying to find
my necklace.

WILLOW
Did you try looking inside
the sofa in HELL?

ANYA
Look, we'll try again, and if --

WILLOW
I think emphatically not.

ANYA
I can't do it by myself!

WILLOW
Well, that's a relief.
I'm out of here.

ANYA
Fine. Go! Idiot child.

Willow grabs some spell stuff.

WILLOW
I believe these chicken bones are
mine. Magic is dangerous, Anya.
It's not to be toyed with. Now if
you'll excuse me, I have someone
else's homework to do.

She strides out, leaving Anya desolate in the midst of her failure. Anya picks up the plate --

ANYA
Nothing. Nothing!

She throws the plate to the ground, smashing it.

INT. THE PLANT - NIGHT

It's the same plant from the alternate universe, but dark and abandoned. The moment we see it Vampwill's face rears into frame, incohately hissing with pain.

We find her on the ground, smoke surrounding her. As it clears she gets her bearings, looks around. Looks very confused.

VAMPWILL
This is weird.

BLACK OUT.

END OF ACT ONE
Act Two

EXT. SUNNYDALE STREET - NIGHT (PREVIOUSLY SCENE C)

Vampwill walks down the street, befuddled by what she sees. What she sees is people: happy, normal people. Families with kids. Couples. Even OLD people, walking around with a distinct lack of terror.

It bothers her.

She passes the movie theatre as people pour out. Passes the Espresso Pump as people eat, drink and be annoyingly merry.

She looks increasingly lost, vulnerable. An old woman comes up to her, asking politely:

OLD LADY
Excuse me, young lady --

And Vampwill whips her head around and GROWLS at the old lady, who promptly backs off.

Fed up, will heads for:

INT. BRONZE - NIGHT

This is the worst of all. Her usual vamp headquarters is filled with living humans, and the pulse pounding beat has been replaced by the mellow song stylings of K's Choice.

Vampwill wanders about, looking for the master, or some sign of sanity. Instead, she bumps into:

PERCY
Hey!

She looks at him, no idea who he is.

PERCY
Rosenberg? What are you doing?
Trick-or-treating?

She looks him over, amazed at his audacity.

PERCY
You're supposed to be at home doing
my history report. I flunk that class
you're gonna be in big trouble with
Snyder. Till we graduate, I OWN your ass.

VAMPWILL
Bored now.

She rockets the heel of her hand into his chest. He flies backwards over the pool table, landing just about as painfully as he can. While he groans and struggles to get up, she circles the table lazily.

VAMPWILL
(pouty)
I'm having a terrible night.

She grabs him by the throat and pulls him up. Eyes him seductively.

VAMPWILL
Wanna make it better?

He takes a swing at her but she blocks it. Continues to squeeze his neck. He tries to put his hands around hers, but his strength is failing.

People have backed off, are watching in horror (or in some cases, mild interest). Xander pushes through the throng.

XANDER
What's going on? Is there
a funny thing?

He sees Vampwill and Percy, and of course completely misinterprets the situation.

XANDER
Whoah!

He plows forward, pulling them apart and facing Percy.

XANDER
Back off! You stay the hell away
from her!

PERCY
(stunned)
Okay. Sure.

He bails from the Bronze. Xander turns back to Vampwill and gets his first real look at her, as she gets a look at him.

VAMPWILL
Xander...

XANDER
Will. Changing the look not
an idle threat with you.

VAMPWILL
You're alive!

She comes at him, embraces him very sensually.

XANDER
Uh, Will, this is verging on naughty
touching here. We don't want to fall
back on bad habits -- Hands! Hands
in new places.

He takes her hands, holds them away from new places. She sniffs him, frowning, and pulls away.

VAMPWILL
You're alive.

XANDER
You mentioned that earlier.
Will, are you okay?

VAMPWILL
No. Everything's different.

Buffy works through the crowd.

BUFFY
Xander, there you are.

XANDER
(eyes on Will)
Hey, Buff.

BUFFY
Aren't you going to introduce me to
your -- holy god you're Willow.

VAMPWILL
(eyes narrowing)
You...

BUFFY
Okay, well, you know what? I like
the look. It's extreme, but it looks
good, it's a leather thing, it's
very... I said extreme already, right?

VAMPWILL
I don't like you.

BUFFY
Will, I'm sorry about today. You
know how my foot likes to be in my
mouth sometimes, but you really don't
have to prove--

VAMPWILL
Leaving now.

XANDER
Willow, I gotta say I'm not loving
the new you.

Vampwill ignores him, turns away. Buffy tugs at her arm.

BUFFY
Willow, wait --

Vampwill spins and is in VAMPFACE, snarls at her:

VAMPWILL
Get off me!

She snaps her head back, normal faced once more, and stalks out of the Bronze.

Neither Buffy nor Xander can speak.

EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT (PREVIOUSLY SCENE D)

Vampwill strides along, grouchy as hell. She gets a ways before she realizes she's being followed.

Two vamps come out of the shadows. The one who speaks is ALPHONSE.

ALPHONSE
Willow Rosenberg?

She stops, her back to them. She can tell they're up to no good. Smiles ever so slightly.

VAMPWILL
I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.

ALPHONSE
Then we won't talk.

They rush her.

And she's a blur, takes them out in seconds flat. The second vamp finds himself on the ground several feet away. Alphonse finds himself on his knees, Vampwill twisting his arm painfully.

VAMPWILL
You made me cranky...

ALPHONSE
There's been a mistake here.
We were sent after a human.

VAMPWILL
Really?

She puts her hand around one of his fingers.

VAMPWILL
Who do you work for?

ALPHONSE
I'm not telling you a thing --

She breaks his finger. Holds another.

VAMPWILL
Who do you work for?

ALPHONSE
Wilkins, the Mayor.

She breaks his finger. Holds another. Again, in the same innocent tone:

VAMPWILL
Who do you work for?

ALPHONSE
You...

She lets him up, as he is joined by his sore companion. No longer playing girlie, Vampwill takes command.

VAMPWILL
Get your friends. Bring them here.
The world's no fun anymore. We're
gonna make it the way it was.
Starting with the Bronze.

INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT

Giles is coming out of the office, speaking to:

GILES
Ah. Buffy. I thought you were going
out tonight, didn't expect...

Buffy and Xander stare, unable to speak.

GILES
What is it?

INT. SAME - A BIT LATER

Now three people can't speak. They sit around the table, entirely shellshocked. Finally...

XANDER
This isn't real.

BUFFY
I can't feel anything.
Arms or legs or anything...

GILES
(trying not to cry)
She was... truly the finest
of all of us.

XANDER
Way better than me...

GILES
(sadly nodding)
Much, much better.

BUFFY
We just saw her at lunch...
how could...

XANDER
It's all my fault.

GILES
What makes you say that?

XANDER
I don't know...
Statistical probability...

BUFFY
(emotion rising)
No, it's me... it's me, I called her
reliable, she must have gone out and
gotten attacked which she wouldn't
have done except I called her
reliable and now my best friend is --

WILLOW
What's going on?

They all turn to her, stunned, confused.

WILLOW
Jeez, who died?
(serious)
Oh god! Who died?

Xander springs to action, jumping up and grabbing a cross, holding it to Willow. His voice is thick with emotion.

XANDER
Back! Get back, Demon!

Willow stares at him. He stares at the cross. It's not working. He pulls it away, shakes it, holds it to her again.

Buffy has risen more slowly, eyes wet, fearing the hope in her breast.

BUFFY
Willow? You're alive?

WILLOW
Aren't I usually?

Buffy runs to her and grabs her in a hug, crying. A moment and Xander joins the hug. Willow can barely breathe.

WILLOW
I love you guys too...
okay, oxygen becoming an issue...

They let go. She turns to Giles --

WILLOW
What's going on with these guywHOAH!

-- who grabs her in yet another bear hug. Eventually he lets her go.

GILES
Sorry.

Buffy touches Willow's hair, still so amazed and grateful she's here.

WILLOW.
It's nice that you guys missed me.
Say, you didn't all happen to do a
bunch of drugs, did you?

XANDER
Will, we saw you. At the bronze.
A vampire.

WILLOW
(defensive)
I'm not a vampire.

BUFFY
But you are, I mean you were...
Giles, you planning to step in with
an explanation any time soon?

GILES
(not a clue)
Well, something... something
very strange is happening.

XANDER
Can you believe the Watcher council
let this guy go?

INT. BRONZE - NIGHT

ANGLE: BY THE BAR

Anya sits grumpily down.

ANYA
What a day...

She addresses the WAITER behind the counter.

ANYA
Gimme a beer.

WAITER
I.D.

She stares at him.

WAITER
I.D.

ANYA
(losing it completely)
I'm eleven hundred and twenty years
old! Just give me a friggin' BEER!

Beat.

WAITER
I.D.

ANYA
Give me a coke.

ANGLE: ONSTAGE

K's Choice have left. Dingoes Ate My Baby are setting up. Oz and Devon move a heavy amp stage left (if stage left is the left side from the audience's pov. Which it might not be.)

DEVON
Man, We gotta get a roadie.
Other bands have roadies.

OZ
Other bands know more than three
chords. Your professional bands can
play up to six and sometimes seven
completely different chords.

DEVON
That's just like, fruity jazz bands.

Angel mounts the stage.

ANGEL
Oz.

OZ
Hey, man. You looking for Buffy?

ANGEL
As always.

OZ
No sightings as of yet, but I think
she said she'd show.

DEVON
Hey, man, how'd you like to be our roadie?

ANGEL
Less than you'd think.

OZ
Well, stick around,
I'm sure Buffy'll...

He stops, turning to follow Angel's suddenly intense gaze.

ANGLE: the back door

is visible from the stage. A VAMP can be seen blocking it, not letting a patron out..

Oz and Angel look at each other. Look at the other exits, including the front door.

There are vampires setting up at every door.

OZ
This doesn't look good...

At the front door, A male patron tries to push past Alphonse. He throws him onto a table, smashing it and causing the guy's date to SCREAM! A murmur rises up as Alphonse steps into the middle of the room.

ALPHONSE
Everybody, SHUT UP!

Everybody more or less does.

ALPHONSE
All right. Nobody causes any
trouble, or tries to leave,
and nobody gets hurt.

Angle: the stage

ANGEL
Why don't I believe him?

OZ
Well, he lacks credibility.

ANGLE: ANYA

Also notices the commotion. Is warily intrigued.

Angle: the stage

OZ
Can you get out of here?

ANGEL
(looks around)
Skylight in the roof. I can make it.

OZ
I think we need some back up.

ANGEL
I think I'm needed here.

OZ
Ten to one. Could get pointless.

ANGLE: FEET

Stroll into the bronze. It is no surprise to whom they belong. We arm up to see a slyly grinning Willow.

WILLOW
Everybody's all afraid.
It's just like old times.

ANGLE: OZ

He becomes very still. Even for Oz. Angel is also appalled. Neither takes their eyes off Willow.

OZ
(eyes on Willow)
Get Buffy. Do it now.

Angel slips behind the stack of amps. He starts climbing the rope up against the wall, quickly and quietly.

DEVON
(quietly)
Dude. Check out your girlfriend.

She moves about the center of the bronze, looking at everyone. Comes to an attractive young woman, SANDY, at a high table.

VAMPWILL
What's your name?

SANDY
Sandy...

Vampwill runs her hand down Sandy's arm. She takes Sandy's hand in hers and pulls her along with her like a little girl pulling her baby sister. Sandy is too intimidated to resist.

VAMPWILL
(to the crowd)
You don't have to be afraid... just
to please me. If you're all good
boys and girls, we'll make you young
and strong for ever and ever. We'll
all have fun.

She stops just behind Sandy. Licks the girl's neck.

Oz watches intently.

VAMPWILL
If you're not ...

She whips her head around, MORPHING and sinking her teeth into the spot she licked.

Oz starts for her -- and a vamp blocks his way.

Vampwill holds Sandy's bucking body from behind as she drainsthe life out of it. Drops her like a wet sack and, after a moment of intense pleasure, morphs back. Looks at the crowd.

VAMPWILL
Questions, comments...

For a moment, no one can muster either.

OZ
Willow. You don't want to do this.

VAMPWILL
I don't? But I'm so good at it.

OZ
Who did this to you?

VAMPWILL
I know you. You're a white hat. How
come you're talking to me like we're friends?

ANYA
Because he thinks you're someone else.

Vampwill spins to face Anya, who has stepped forward. Alphonse moves to shut Anya up, but Willow stops him with a slight wave of her hand.

ANYA
He thinks you're the Willow that
belongs in this reality.

VAMPWILL
Another me...

ANYA
You know this isn't your world.
You know you don't belong here.

VAMPWILL
No... this is a dumb world. In my
world there are people in chains and
we can ride them like ponies.

ANYA
You want to get back there.

VAMPWILL
(pouty)
Yeah...

ANYA
So do I.

INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT

Giles, Buffy, Xander and Willow discuss the New Willow sitch. Will stands by the lectern, just out of sight of the entrance.

WILLOW
This is creepy. I don't like the
thought that there's some vampire
out there that looks like me.

XANDER
Not looks like -- is.

BUFFY
It was you, Willow, in every detail.
Except for your not being a
dominatrix... as far as we know.

WILLOW
Oh, right. Me and Oz play Mistress
of Pain every night. Please.

XANDER
Did anybody else just go to scary
visual place?

BUFFY
Oh yeah.

Angel enters hurriedly, moving to Buffy. He looks intense. Even for Angel.

BUFFY
Angel... What is it?

ANGEL
Buffy, I... Something's happened that...
(doesn't know how to say it)
Willow's dead.
(sees Willow)
Hey, Willow.
(turns back to Buffy)
...
(turns back to Willow)
(turns back to Buffy)
Wait a second.

XANDER
We're right there with you, Buddy.

BUFFY
We saw her too. At the Bronze.

ANGEL
She's there now. With a cadre of
Vampires looking to party.

BUFFY
Then we can worry about who she is
after we stop a feeding frenzy.

INT. HALL OUTSIDE LIBRARY - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER)

The gang comes out with weapons, heads down the hall.

BUFFY
How many are there?

ANGEL
Eight or ten.

BUFFY
(to Giles)
Should we call Faith?

GILES
No. I don't want her in combat yet.
Not around civilians.

XANDER
Here here.

WILLOW
Guys?

Something in her tone stops them.

WILLOW
What are we gonna do with... me?
Other me.

BUFFY
I don't know, Will.
We've just gotta stop them --

WILLOW
I get that. I just sorta wanna know
what -- Oh. Hey! Go. I'll catch up.

She runs back into the library.

INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT

She leans over the counter, reaching for something she does not find. Straightens up again.

Vampwill grabs her from behind. Hand over mouth. Face right by hers. (greenscreen)

VAMPWILL
Alone at last...

BLACK OUT.

END OF ACT TWO
Act Three

INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT

Right where we left off. Vampwill spins Willow, looks her over, hand at her throat.

VAMPWILL
Well, look at me. I'm all fuzzy.

WILLOW
What do I want with you?
Dyeh, I mean --

VAMPWILL
Your little schoolfriend Anya said
you brought me here. She said you
could get me back to my world.

WILLOW
(gets it)
Oh. Oh. Oops.

VAMPWILL
But I don't know...

She comes around Willow, checking her out, getting her from behind again.

VAMPWILL
I kinda like the two of us. We could
be quite a team, if you came around
to my way of thinking.

WILLOW
Would that mean we have to snuggle?

VAMPWILL
What do you say...?

She licks Willow's neck. Willow's face is a study.

VAMPWILL
...wanna be bad?

WILLOW
This just can't get more disturbing.

Vampwill smiles, and growls nice and low.

Willow struggles free.

WILLOW
Okay, Ack! Ack! No more!
You're freaking me out!

She moves for the door, But Vampwill blocks her.

She grabs a cross from the counter and holds it out -- Vampwill knocks it from her grasp and grabs her, hurls her over the counter. She lands in a heap as Vampwill makes her way around, no longer amused.

VAMPWILL
You don't wanna play, I guess I can't
force you. Oh wait. I can.

She comes around and as she does Willow reaches in under the counter for the thing she came here to get.

It's the tranquilizer gun. She fires point blank into Vampwill's chest.

Vampwill looks at the little dart sticking through her corset. Looks at Willow.

VAMPWILL
Bitch...

Vampwill drops. A beat, then Will heads out of the library at top speed.

INT. LIBRARY - LATER

ANGLE: THE CAGE

As Vampwill is dragged into it, still unconscious. The gang has been called back, regard the surfeit of Willows with varying degrees of wonder.

GILES
Amazing.

WILLOW
It's horrible. That's me as a
vampire? I mean, I'm so evil,
and skanky,
(softly, to Buffy)
and I think I'm kind of gay.

BUFFY
Just remember, a vampire's
personality has nothing to
do with the person it was.

ANGEL
Well, actually --
(off Buffy's glare)
-- that's a good point.

XANDER
What do we do now?

GILES
We still have to get to the Bronze.

ANGEL
Even if they're supposed to wait for
her they might start feeding.
Vampires not notoriously reliable.

XANDER
So we charge in, much in the style of
John Wayne?

GILES
High casualty risk. I haven't any
other plan, though.

BUFFY
I have a really bad idea...

EXT. BRONZE - NIGHT

The group is coming to the entrance as Angel drops down (ostensibly from the skylight) onto some crates, thence to the ground.

ANGEL
They're still in a holding pattern.
That's good; it means they must
really be afraid of you.

He says this to the off screen Willow, whom we then see:

ANGLE: WILLOW

dressed as Vampwill. And clearly deeply uncomfortable in the outfit.

WILLOW
Well, who wouldn't be?

BUFFY
You okay in that?

WILLOW
It's a little binding. I guess
vampires really don't have to
breathe...

Adjusting her corset, she looks down at her sudden cleavage.

WILLOW
Gosh. Look at those.

GILES
All right. You go in, try to defuse
the situation as much as possible.
At least get a few of them to come
outside. Even the odds a bit.

BUFFY
First sign of trouble, you give the
signal. We come in hard and fast.

XANDER
What is the signal?

WILLOW
Me screaming.

ANGEL
Giles, you and Xander wait at the
back entrance.

GILES
Right.

He and Xander take off. Buffy moves to Willow.

BUFFY
You sure you're up to this?

WILLOW
Well, it was me that started it...
sort of. Don't worry. I won't do
anything that could be interpreted
as brave.

BUFFY
We're right outside.

She and Angel move out of sight as Willow knocks on the door. It opens to reveal an intimidating vampire. A moment of fear from Willow, and then she composes herself.

WILLOW
Hi, I'm back.

She strides in, trying not to stumble on her platforms, as the vampire deferentially moves aside.

INT. BRONZE - NIGHT

Alphonse and Anya are the only ones who dare approach.

ALPHONSE
Did you find the girl?

WILLOW
Yep, I did.

ANYA
Where is she?

WILLOW
I killed her. And sucked her
blood, as we vampires do.
(to the vamp by the door)
I think maybe I heard something out
there. Why don't you go check?

He does.

EXT. BRONZE - NIGHT

As he steps out and closes the door behind him, Angel grabs him and Buffy stakes him.

INT. BRONZE - NIGHT

ANYA
How could you kill her? She was our
best shot at getting your world back!

WILLOW
I don't like that you dare question
me. Maybe I'll have my minions take
you outside and kill you horribly!

She spies Oz -- right after "kill you horribly" she secretly smiles and waves at him.

Oz looks bemused.

ANYA
Vampires. Always thinking
with your teeth.

WILLOW
She bothered me. She's so weak,
and accommodating. It's pathetic --
she lets everyone walk all over
her and then she gets cranky at
her friends for no reason. I just
couldn't let her live.
(to another vamp)
He's been gone a while. Why don't
you check on him?

ALPHONSE
Well, boss, since that plan is out,
why don't we get to the killing?

Off Willow's look...

INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT

ANGLE: in the cage

Vampwill wakes up, gets her bearings. She looks down at the pink fuzzy attire she's sporting.

VAMPWILL
This is like a nightmare...

Cordelia enters the library, pretty dressed up.

CORDELIA
Hello, Giles?
(smaller, more hopeful voice)
Wesley?
(fixing her hair)
I just happened to stop by...
for books...

VAMPWILL
Hey, you.

CORDELIA
Hey me? Hey me what?
I have a name, you know.

VAMPWILL
Uh, Cordelia...

CORDELIA
What'd you do? Lock yourself
in the book cage?

VAMPWILL
Yeah. Let me out.
(trying to ape Willow)
I'm so helpless...

CORDELIA
Okay.

She goes behind the counter. Gets the key and comes back around as the conversation continues.

CORDELIA
I think Giles keeps a spare --
yeah. How'd you manage to
lock yourself in, anyway?

VAMPWILL
I was... looking at the books, 'cause
I like books 'cause I'm so shy...

CORDELIA
Yeah, right. The famous shy girl act
all the boys fall for.

VAMPWILL
Open the cage.

Cordelia is about to, but she stops.

CORDELIA
Wait a minute.

Vampwill looks warily at Cordy. Is she on to her?

CORDELIA
It occurs to me that we've never
really had the opportunity to talk.
You know, woman to woman, with you
locked up.

VAMPWILL
Don't wanna talk. Hungry.

CORDELIA
What could we talk about? Hey,
how about the ethics of
boyfriend stealing?

INT. BRONZE - NIGHT

Willow is, well, vamping.

WILLOW
I don't know if I feel like killing
any more... I'm so bored...

She walks by a girl, sensuously running her hand through her hair -- which it then gets tangled in. She awkwardly extracts it, continuing:

WILLOW
It would be like shooting fish
in a barrel. Where's the fun?

ALPHONSE
With all due respect, boss,
the fun would be the eating.

WILLOW
Maybe we should let everyone go, give
them a thirty second head start --

ANYA
(gets it)
Wait a minute!

WILLOW
No, I like my plan.

ANYA
Oh, nice try.

WILLOW
Okay, let's get to the killing.
(re: Anya)
Why don't we start with her?

ANYA
Why don't we start with you?
(to Alphonse)
If she's a vampire, I'm the creature
from the black lagoon.

Willow looks at Alphonse and the other vamps. Tries not to be nervous.

INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT

Cordelia has yet to stop talking. Vampwill just hungrily eyes her neck.

CORDELIA
And, okay, it isn't even like I was
that attracted to Xander, it was more
just that we kept being in these life
or death situations and that's always
all sexy and stuff. I mean I more or
less knew he was a loser but that
doesn't make it okay for you to come
around and -- what? Do I have
something on my neck?

VAMPWILL
Not yet...

CORDELIA
(trying to look)
Am I getting a zit?

VAMPWILL
Cordelia, I'm very sorry. I realize
I was wrong. I'll never steal your
boyfriend again.

CORDELIA
Like you could.

She opens the cage.

CORDELIA
I should just leave you in there.
But I am a great humanitarian and
you'll just have to think of a way to
pay me back sometime.

VAMPWILL
Okay...

She steps out of the cage in full VAMPFACE.

VAMPWILL
How about dinner?

BLACK OUT.

END OF ACT THREE
Act Four

INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT

As befits a woman in her situation, Cordelia SCREAMS.

INT. HALL OUTSIDE LIBRARY - NIGHT

Cordy comes busting out the doors at a full tear, Vampwill not far behind.

INT. CLASSROOM - NIGHT

Cordy comes in, makes her way through a sea of desks, pushing them in Vampwill's way.

CORDELIA
I didn't mean all that stuff I said
before. I want you to have Xander.
My blessings on you both...

VAMPWILL
I'm so over him. I need fresh blood.

She lunges for Cordy, who SCREAMS and makes it to the other exit.

INT. HALL OUTSIDE LIBRARY - NIGHT

Wesley is headed for the library when he hears the scream. He turns and heads down the hall, pulling a cross from his jacket.

INT. ANOTHER HALL - NIGHT

Vampwill turns a corner to find Cordy cornered.

VAMPWILL
No more hiding...

She moves toward Cordy -- and Wesley steps in front of her, holding his cross. She hisses at it, deeply unhappy.

WESLEY
Back! Creature of the night!
Leave this place!

VAMPWILL
Don't wanna.

But he pulls a vial of holy water from his other pocket, and that looks a little dicier. A moment, and she bails, snarling.

Wesley looks cautiously around the corner to see if she's gone. Cordy comes up behind him and touches his back. He screams like a woman.

CORDELIA
I'm sorry...

WESLEY
No no. A little on edge.
You know. Men in combat.
Grrrr. Are you all right?

CORDELIA
You saved my life.

Throwing her arms around him isn't exactly natural at this point, but that doesn't stop Cordy.

CORDELIA
Oh, thank you!

WESLEY
Yes, well... Was that vampire...

CORDELIA
Willow.
(genuine sadness)
They got Willow.
(over it)
So, you doing anything tonight?

INT. BRONZE - NIGHT

Willow is subtlety backing up under the inspection of Alphonse and Anya.

ANYA
I'm just so tired of being around
humans and all their baggage, I don't
care if I ever get my power back, I
think he should eat you.

WILLOW
This girl has a history of mental
problems dating back to early
childhood. I'm a blood sucking
fiend! Look at my outfit!

ALPHONSE
A human. I should have
smelled it right away.

WILLOW
A human? Oh yeah?
Could a human do this?

She SCREAMS at the top of her lungs.

There is silence for a moment. Anya and Alphonse look at each other. Talk at once.

ALPHONSE
I'd say -- yeah, human could do that.

ANYA
(simultaneously)
Uh huh. Most humans could, yeah ...

They both look back at Willow.

Which is when, thankfully, Buffy and Angel burst in.

Let the fighty begin. It maps out essentially thus:

ANGLE: BUFFY

Squares off with Alphonse. Asskicking abounds in the pool table region.

ANGLE: ANGEL

Fights vamps over by the counter.

ANGLE: BACKSTAGE

Giles and Xander rush in, fight the vamp there. Xander holds, Giles kills.

ANGLE: BRONZE PATRONS

Mostly cower. Some flee out the now unguarded door.

ANGLE: ANYA

Sees it's time to go. Turns to run -- right into Willow. A moment, then Willow punches her. She falls, unconscious as Willow grabs her poor hand.

WILLOW
Ow! Ow! It's all happy but OW!

Oz grabs her, heads for the stage.

OZ
Come on. Devon! let's go!

Devon is trying to climb up the ropes Angel used to escape. He's not getting very far, and he abandons the effort, following Oz toward the back door.

Oz reaches it first -- and finds himself thrown back by Vampwill. He hits Devon on the backwards fly and they both go down.

So Vampwill faces off with Willow once again. (in Vampface)

VAMPWILL
No more snuggles?

Vampwill launches herself at Willow, and easily overpowers her, Willow hitting the stage on her back and Vampwill coming in for the throat

ANGLE: BUFFY

Sees Willow's plight. This gives her the strength to kill Alphonse (possibly with a pool cue). She bolts for the stage with the broken end of the cue and jumps up, lands behind Vampwill and raises her makeshift stake, Brings it down --

WILLOW
Buffy, no!

CLOSE ON: THE STAKE

An inch from Yampwill's back, it stops.

Vampwill looks about her. Her men have fled. Angel approaches, as do the others. She's licked.

She lets go of Willow, stands up. So does Willow.

WILLOW
(to Buffy)
Nice reflexes.

BUFFY
Well, I work out.

Willow turns to Vampwill. Vampwill looks about her, and back at her counterpart.

VAMPWILL
(pouty)
This world's no fun...

WILLOW
You noticed that too.

INT. THE PLANT - NIGHT

Oz, Giles, Angel, Buffy, Willow, Xander, Vampwill and Anya. Anya grouchily preps a returning spell, with Giles's help. The Willows are back in their own outfits.

Xander sidles up to Vampwill.

XANDER
So, in your reality I'm like this bad
ass vampire, huh? People afraid of me?

She gives a withering look.

XANDER
Oh yeah. I'm bad.

BUFFY
(to Willow)
I'm not sure about releasing
this thing into the wild, Will.
It is a Demon.

WILLOW
I can't kill her.

BUFFY
No, me neither.

WILLOW
I mean, she's not me -- we have a big
nothing in common, but -- still.
There but for the grace of gettin'
bit. We send her to her world, she
has a chance. It's the way it should
be anyway.

GILES
I think we're ready.
(to Anya)
Now, no tricks, dear.

ANYA
I don't need tricks. When I have
my powers back you will all grovel
before me.

ANGLE: BOTH WILLOWS

Roll their eyes in exactly the same way.

GILES
Willow, if you'll complete the circle...

Willow moves to sit, then goes back to vampwill.

WILLOW
Good luck. Try not to kill people.

A beat, and Willow can't help herself: she embraces Vampwill in an awkward hug. Vampwill smiles, returns the hug.

Willow pulls away suddenly --

WILLOW
Hands! Hands!

-- and glares at Vampwill, who grins wickedly.

Willow sits, completing the circle.

INT. THE PLANT (ALTERNATE UNIVERSE NEW FOOTAGE) - NIGHT

Vampwill pops back in. She smiles -- and Oz pulls her back, impaling her just as before.

VAMPWILL
Oh, fine --

She explodes into dust.

EXT. SCHOOL - DAY

Willow and Buffy sit in front of the school on a bench.

BUFFY
You wanna go out tonight?

WILLOW
Strangely, I feel like staying home.
And doing homework. And flossing.
And dying a virgin.

BUFFY
You know, you can O.D. on virtue.

WILLOW
Between me and my evil self, I've got
double guilt coupons. I see now
where the path of vice leads. She
messed up everything she touched.
I don't ever wanna be like that.

Percy comes up to Willow and Buffy, carrying a load of books and papers.

PERCY
Hey, Uh, hi.

WILLOW
Oh, hi. Listen, I didn't
have time to --

PERCY
Okay, so I did the outline
for the paper on Roosevelt --
(hands it to her)
-- but, uh, it turns out there was
two president Roosevelts and I didn't
know exactly, uh, which I was
supposed to do, so I did both --
(hands her another)
I know they're kind of short but
I can flesh 'em out, here's my bibliography,
(hands it to her)
I can retype that if, uh... So just
let me know what I did wrong, and,
and, I'll get on that.

He exits, leaving Willow completely nonplussed. A beat, and he returns. Puts an apple on top of her books. Exits again.

The girls sit for a moment.

BUFFY
You wanna go out tonight?

WILLOW
Nine sound good?

BLACK OUT.

THE END