(October 9, 1998)
Written by: Dan Vebber
EXT. SCHOOL FRONT STEPS - DAY
Xander and Willow are sitting on the front steps, reading their SAT scores. Willow is entirely distraught.
This is a nightmare. This is...
my world is spinning.
Will, it's not that bad. Really.
Seven-forty verbal? That's.. I'm
pathetic. Illiterate! I'm Cletus
the slack-jawed yokel.
That's right. And the fact that your
seven forty verbal closely resembles
my combined scores in no way
compromises your position as the
I just... where did I go wrong?
He puts a hand on her shoulder, comfortingly, as Cordelia and Oz walk up from behind them.
You did amazing, Willow. As usual.
You guys get your scores?
How fast can a man remove his hand from a shoulder?
Cordelia! Willow is very sad. From
her academic failure and how did you do?
She hands Xander her scores. He reads them, frowning.
This is not good.
What's not good?
I'm just worried it may hurt my
standing as campus stud when people
find out I'm dating a BRAIN.
Please. I have some experience in
covering these things up.
Oz is looking at Willow's.
Yeah, I can see why you'd be upset.
(off their looks)
That was my sarcastic voice.
Sounds a lot like your regular voice.
I've been told that. But I'm
thinking we should celebrate. Do something.
Like, the four of us?
Double date... Could have potential...
Buffy approaches, looking pretty shell shocked herself.
Buffy! Hey, did you get your SAT scores?
And from the look on your face, I
suspect that we'll be manning the
drive-thru side by side.
These scores -- what do they really mean?
Buffy hands her results to Willow. She reads them, goes wide-eyed.
Buffy, you kicked ass!
Everyone gasps at her potty mouth.
Okay, so academic achievement gets me
a little excited.
Buff, that's amazing!
Let me see that.
She looks at the scores, frowning. She's been licked.
Scores like that, you can apply
pretty much anywhere you want.
This could, like, change your whole future.
That thought had occurred to me...
Then why the long face?
I don't know. I guess... My future.
Never really thought about it.
Wasn't sure I was gonna have one.
I think it's great. Now you can
leave and never come back.
I mean in a positive way! Get out of
Sunnydale, that's a good thing! I
mean, what kind of moron would ever
want to come back here?
EXT. PLAYGROUND - NIGHT
A shot-by-shot recreation of Spike's arrival in "School Hard." There's that "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign. And here comes SPIKE'S CAR, crashing into it as it screeches to a stop.
Growling rock cue as the door opens. Except instead of one boot, an entire Spike falls bodily out of the car. A clatter of empties, bottles and cans, accompanies him. Our boy's bombed.
Home sweet... home...
A moment of looking blearily around, then his head drops back and hits pavement.
INT. FACTORY - NIGHT
Spike wanders through the burnt-out factory, toting a bottle of mescal (as he often will). He is drunk, forlorn. Hums MY WAY -- and begins to sing, mangling the lyrics.
Mistakes... I've made a few... I ate
it up... and spit it out... and did
it my way...
He looks around.
He wends his way out of frame.
INT. DRUSILLA'S ROOM - NIGHT
The room has been largely burnt-out, but most furniture,props and structure remain intact, if singed.
Spike stumbles down the stairs and through the archway into the room. He calls out:
Drusilla... I'm home...
Laughs a bit -- and then starts crying.
He reaches Dru's rows of dollies. Puts down the bottle and picks up one of the burnt, tortured dolls. Touches its face.
Why'd you do it, baby? Why'd you
leave me? We were happy here...
He tries to keep from sobbing -- then growls, furious, and MORPHS to vampface. He throws the doll to the floor. He grabs a floor length candelabrum and starts smashing the doll for all he's worth.
You stupid, worthless bitch!
Look what you've done to me!
He stops, breathing hard. Throws the candelabra in a corner. Starts laughing. Then stops.
All right. Enough moping.
Who can I kill?
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY
Xander and Cordelia at her locker.
Come on, it'll be fun.
I don't know. I thought we were
gonna do something, you know, classy.
What's classier than bowling?
Apart from everything ever? Let's see...
Oz and Willow are down. You're the
swing vote. I guarantee fun.
He notices something in her locker: Pictures of the two of them, taped to the door.
Hey. Those are from the pier.
Yeah, I just got them developed.
There's pictures. Of me. On your locker.
Cordelia slams her locker, tries to act defensive but loses it in her heartfelt explanation.
I put them there because I want to
see your face between classes, get
it? So thinking of us together makes
me... I don't know... HAPPY, okay? Is
that such a big deal?
Xander takes her hands, calming her down.
For ME, big deal. Never knew I was
locker door material.
Mutual goo-goo eyes.
Well... just barely. Besides, I look
really cute in those pictures.
ANGLE: OZ AND WILLOW
As they approach, walking up hand-in-hand.
What's the verdict? Do we bowl?
Xander looks at Cordelia.
A double bowling date!
I'm on Oz's team.
Xander links arms with Cordy as they start to leave.
Yeah, well, prepare to be crushed.
Maybe we should practice...
Willow opens her locker, so near, so very near to where Cordy's was. Oz pulls something from his pocket as Willow puts in books, talks.
They haven't got a prayer. I'm
really good -- or I was when we had
those inflatable things in the
gutters... what's this?
What's the occasion?
Pretty much you are.
He hands her something wrapped in newspaper. She opens it to find a PEZ DISPENSER with a cute green witch head.
It's a little witch Pez!
Kind of a theme present. Do you like it?
Willow is BLOWN AWAY by this.
I like. I MORE than like... This...
Oz, this might be the nicest... We
need to find a Pez WEREWOLF. Then Pez
witch can have a boyfriend!
Hmm. Never seen a werewolf Pez.
Might have to settle for a wacky
(starting to well up)
This is so thoughtful...
Well, I think about you.
And I don't have anything to give you.
Yes you do.
He kisses her, sweetly, on the lips, and leaves. She looks at her Pez, elation turning to worry.
INT. LIBRARY - AFTERNOON (DAY)
Giles has Buffy's scores in hand. She is eyeing the large array of bags and camping gear he has on the table.
Buffy. This is remarkable.
So is this... Where IS this
retreat thing -- the Yukon?
It's quite nearby. The clearing at
the top of Breaker's Woods. Site of
some fascinating Druidic rituals.
Okay, but it's just a few days,
right? You're not gonna settle there
and grow crops or anything.
What? My gear? I'm only bringing
the basic necessities.
Giles, you pack like me.
He hands her her scores back.
Here. I suspect your mother will
want to put this on your refrigerator.
Oh yeah. She saw these scores, her
head spun around and exploded.
I've been on this Hellmouth for too
long. That was metaphorical, yes?
Yes. She was happy. Started up with
all kinds of crazy talk about me
going to college, maybe going
He knits his brow.
I know, I told her you'd have a goat,
I mean, responsibilities and all, I
know the drill --
She may he right.
Yeah, I figured you'd --
Whoakay. Be kind, rewind. May be right?
With scores like these, you could get
a first rate education. Buffy, I'm
not going to ask you to ignore your
calling, but you do need to look to
your future. And with Faith here, it
may be that you could move on, at
least for a time.
She's not sure how she feels about that.
We'll discuss it when I get back.
While I'm gone I'll expect you to
keep up on your training. And don't
do anything rash.
Anything rash meaning...?
(a little uncomfortable)
Are you planning to see Angel?
(gets his meaning)
Well, yeah, but Giles, there's not
gonna be any rash. Anywhere. We're
friends, and that's all either of us
wants. Nothing's gonna happen.
EXT. PALM QUAD - DAY
Xander and Willow are alone. She has worked herself up into something of a lather.
Something's gonna happen.
It's a mistake. It's a terrible,
fatal mistake. I see that now.
It's bad bowling. It's a double date
with all of us and they're gonna know!
How are they gonna know?
It's a very intimate situation, it's
all sexy with the smoke and the
sweating and the shoe rental --
You're turned on by rented shoes?
That's not the issue.
Okay, well, let me ask you this: what
are they gonna know? That we're
friends, old old friends and maybe we
had one or two indiscretions but
that's all past, we're just very good
friends that like to hang out and can
I kiss your earlobe?
No! Well, okay. No!
Holds up the Pez like a talisman.
Xander and Willow stare at each other. Heat building. He puts his hand around her neck.
Bowling may be a bit too much
to handle. Man.
I wish I wasn't so attracted to you.
I wish we could just make it stop.
Neither has one.
INT. BUFFY'S KITCHEN - NIGHT
Buffy eats microwaved something. JOYCE presents her with brochure after brochure.
Carnegie Mellon has a wonderful
design curriculum. And Brown
University's history program is...
You like history, right?
Couldn't we do this another time?
This whole day, everyone's like,
"Congratulations. Go away."
That's not it. It's just -- You
should be at a good old-fashioned
college, with keg parties and boys.
Not here, with Hellmouths and vampires.
Not really seeing a huge distinction there...
You're always talking about how you
wish you could lead a more normal
life. Well, this is your chance.
It's not that simple, Mom. I have responsibilities.
I know, I know. But I spoke with
Mr. Giles, and he said --
That Faith could be Miss Sunnydale in
the Slayer pageant. I know.
It's time to think about the future,
Buffy. About your whole life. I
mean honestly, is there anything
keeping you here?
CLOSE ON Buffy, suddenly uneasy as she thinks of EXACTLY who's keeping her there:
INT. MANSION - NIGHT
CLOSE ON: ANGEL. The reason. He sits on the floor in front of the fire, reading. (Reading NAUSEA in the original French, oh Propmaster.)
After a bit, he closes the book and heads for bed (The drapes away from the garden doors).
ANGLE: through the boarded up doors (trashed in ep 7). We see him disappear through the drapes. This is the POV of:
EXT. GARDEN - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
SPIKE, who stands bottle in hand and drunk to the point of slurred speech, watching Angel disappear.
Yeah, you... you think I'm afraid of
you? We were happy, you brainwashed
her... I can just --
Takes a big ol' swig --
Yeah. I'll show you who's...
cool guy. You're going down.
Spike drops to the ground, passed out. Hold the shot to show that he's not moving, and not getting up any time soon.
EXT. GARDEN - NEXT MORNING (DAY)
Spike is still passed out. Dawn creeps up bit by bit, and when sunlight hits Spike's arm, his hand starts to smoke -- he stirs, uncomfortable, then opens his eyes as his hand BURSTS INTO FLAME.
He quickly douses it in the fountain, takes off up the stairs, coat thrown over his head.
EXT. OUTSIDE GARDEN WALL - CONTINUOUS - DAY
His car's parked here and he runs for it, opens the door.
INT. SPIKE'S CAR - CONTINUOUS
As Spike dives into the darkened area, slamming the door behind him and blowing on his hand. The interior is a mess of booze bottles. He grabs a half-full one and pours whiskey on his hand, and the rest of it down his throat.
This is just too much.
INT. MAGIC SHOP - DAY
Someone is leaving as the CLERK closes the register.
I know you'll enjoy that.
She is cheerful, new-agey. She hears someone in the back, heads back there and sees Spike in the darkened area going through books.
Oh! Did you come in through the back?
Yeah. I need a curse.
A curse! Something nasty -- boils.
I wanna give him boils. All over his
face, dripping pustules, let's really
go for the gusto here.
I'm hearing a lot of negative energy
and I'll bet --
Leprosy! A spell that makes his
parts fall off, that sounds proper.
ANGLE: THE STORE ENTRANCE
As Willow enters.
We don't, uh, carry leprosy.
Would you excuse me a moment?
She moves to the front of the store to greet Willow. From where she is, Willow cannot see Spike.
Blessed be. Anything in particular
I can help you find?
Willow reads from a list.
Yeah. It's all on here. Let's see,
skink root, essence of rose thorn, a
couple canary feathers...
Ah-hah. A lust spell. I'll need to
see some I.D.
Willow looks horrified, embarrassed.
Just kidding, just kidding. Love
spell. Want that old lover to come
back to you. You sure you know what
you're doing, hon?
No! I mean... yes. I mean, I know how
to do a love spell... but this is for
an ANTI-love spell. Kind of a
delusting. I guess, the supplies are
basically the same, huh?
Basically. Though raven feathers tend
to breed more discontent than the canary.
Let me just grab some of these things...
Hiding in back with a clear view of the front counter. He watches with interest.
The clerk places a few items in a bag, rings up the price.
Fifteen eighty three for the lot.
Oh! The raven feathers. Well, I'll
throw them in for free.
Willow gives her a twenty.
Now, an anti-attraction spell is just
as difficult as a love spell. You be careful.
The clerk hands Willow her change. As Willow heads out of the store:
Blessed... yeah. You too.
Willow is out the door. The clerk moves to the back of the store.
So, did you find a spell book?
Forget the book.
She turns behind the bookshelf and Spike is in full vampface.
Before the clerk can react, Spike is on her neck, feeding ferociously. After a beat he comes up, maw dripping blood, and looks toward the front door.
I just got a better idea.
EXT. MAYOR'S OFFICE - DAY (STOCK)
INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE - DAY
CLOSE ON an office golf game -- one that returns the ball -- as a ball rolls just wide of it.
WIDER ANGLE on the Mayor, working on his short game as the Deputy Mayor stands by him.
Look at that. Every time, cuts to
the left. And it's not the carpet.
He retrieves the ball as he continues.
I swear, I would sell my soul for a
decent short game.
Of course, it's a little late for
that... Don't suppose I could offer
YOUR soul? Really help me on the green...
Allan has no reply.
I'm just funnin'. So, we have a
Spike problem, do we?
He's been spotted back in town. And
there was an incident at a magic
shop -- in broad daylight. The
police had a hell of a time covering it up.
Well, yes, he got up to all sorts of
shenanigans last year. Had a world
of fun just trying to guess what he'd
do next! Funny guy.
But I guess we're past that, now.
This year is too important to let a
loose cannon rock the boat.
Should I have Mr. Trick send a...
committee to deal with this?
Loose cannon. Rock the boat.
Now is that a mixed metaphor?
Uh, I don't know...
Boats did have cannons. And a loose
one would cause it to rock...
Honestly, I don't know where my mind
goes sometimes. Why don't you take
care of this Spike problem. A
committee, like you said.
It's good as done.
That's swell. Fore!
He putts again.
INT. MANSION - AFTERNOON (DAY)
Angel and Buffy sit on the couch. She has a bunch of pamphlets -- he looks one over.
Kind of an intense proposition.
Where do you want to go?
Oh, I don't even know. Mom's just so
pumped, she grabbed all of these.
She can't stop talking about it -- I
had a really hard time coming up with
an alibi to get over here.
She doesn't know about me.
Big no. She's having enough trouble
dealing with the Slayer issue; I
don't think she's ready to process
the information about us being...
He nods, understanding, though not thrilled.
I think the whole college jones is
kind of her reacting to the Slayer thing.
She wants you to get out.
Somewhere a little less hellmouthy.
And she has a point... but there's
reasons to stay, too.
What are they?
She looks at him -- he has to ask?
Well, uh, you know, Slayer duties,
and... what do you think I should do?
As a friend... I think you should
leave. This is a good opportunity.
She's quietly disappointed.
Yeah. Well, 'cause there really
isn't any great reason to stay, I guess.
Thanks for the advice. Another
perspective to weigh in there.
I better get back.
Yeah, but Mom... she starts worrying
a lot earlier these days. I'll stop by soon.
She takes off, leaving the brochures on the table. Angel watches her go, dissatisfied.
INT. CHEMISTRY LAB - NIGHT
Willow has been preparing the darkened area to do the de-lusting spell: Candles, burning herbs, a large beaker filled with potion on a bunsen burner, etc. She reads to herself from a spell book. Xander enters and she scrambles to hide the book behind her back.
Whoah. It smells like church in here.
No, wait... EVIL church.
It's just chemistry stuff.
So you said when you called.
Why do I have to be here?
It'll help you with the exam.
You're WAY behind.
But that's what you love about me,
right? Academically dangerous.
Here. Hold this.
Willow hands him a raven feather.
Feather. And who will I be tickling?
Okay... bring mixture to a boil...
Willow turns on the bunsen burner under the beaker. Then needs to peek in her spell book. Tries to hide it from Xander.
I assume all this won't make us late
for our evening of bowling magic?
Magic? There's no magic! I mean...
bowling. Yeah. Cordelia and Oz are
going to meet us here later.
Can't we turn on the lights?
Is that a spell book?
No, no, no. CHEMISTRY book.
Wait a minute... we HAVE deja-vu...
This is love spell stuff! Are you
doing a love spell?
No! Of course not! This is a purely scientific...
(the gig is up)
De-lusting spell. For us. I thought
it would go easier if you didn't know.
Are you nuts? In case you've
forgotten, I tend to have bad luck
with these sorts of spells.
You SAID you wished these feelings
could just go away.
I wish lots of things. I told you I
wished I was a fireman in sixth grade,
but you never followed through on THAT!
I can't do this anymore Xander! This
whole "us" thing is just... BLEAGHH!
Fine! No more kissing. I'm with you.
It's not just the kissing. It's the
groping and the squeezing and the
panting, and EVERYTHING that feels
really good... until I think about Oz
and then it feels really bad.
(holds up PEZ)
He gave me PEZ, Xander! Even YOU
never gave me Pez!
Exactly. You've got Oz and Pez, I've
got Cordy... and well, I've got
Cordy. So do we really need to resort
to the BLACK ARTS to keep our
hormones in check?
At this moment? I'm thinking no.
Where's the lights?
He makes for the switch. It's by the corner that leads to the door. It's entirely possible that if you stood by the light switch somebody could step out right behind you in a surprising way.
Xander turns on the lights, turns back to say:
We gotta clean this up before they
get here and start asking questions.
Spike steps out right behind him.
Willow sees, calls out:
He starts to turn and Spike grabs him from behind.
I need to borrow the little girl.
You don't mind, do you?
By way of reply, Xander swings his legs up and plants his feet against the wall, pushes himself and Spike backwards. They go flying into some desks for a messy fall.
Willow grabs the nearest weapon -- a microscope (or something cooler) and makes for Spike.
Spike comes up and punches Xander, who's still on the ground. He then rises and catches Willow's bludgeoning object in mid swing.
Are you threatening me? Not nice.
We're all gonna be very best friends.
Xander rises behind him, fury etched on his face -- and Spike swings the microscope behind him, etches that on Xander's face instead.
SMASH TO BLACK.
INT. DRUSILLA'S ROOM - NIGHT
CLOSE ON a bunch of spell stuff lifted from the magic shop (along with what Willow had) as it is dumped out of a box on the bed.
Willow sits on the edge of the bed, wide eyed and terrified. Xander lies on it, still unconscious, sporting a nasty head wound.
Spike dumps out the rest of the stuff, throws the box away.
A spell. For me. You're gonna
do a spell for me.
Um, what... kind of spell...?
A love spell! Are you brain dead?
He abruptly turns and crosses to a chest, grabs a half-finished bottle of mescal. Swigs mightily.
I'm gonna get what's mine. What's
MINE. Teach her to walk out on me...
what are you staring at?
You can do it, right? Make Dru love
me again? Make her crawl?
I... I can try...
He grabs her by the back of the head, brings her close.
What are you talking to me about
trying? You'll do it!
Yes! I'll do it!
He smashes the bottle on a bedpost, holds the jagged end inches from Willow's face.
You lie to me, I'll shove this
through your face! Do you want that?
All the way through to your brain!
She is practically crying with terror, weakly mewling:
No... please... no...
He stops, drops the bottle, his own eyes welling up. The anger deflating as abruptly as it came. After a moment:
She wouldn't even kill me.
Willow is still rigid, waiting for the worst, but Spike is clearly spent. He spills the odd tear as he continues.
She just left. She didn't even care
enough to cut off my head, or light
me on fire. Was that so much to ask?
Some little sign that she cared?
He sits by her, heavy with reverie.
It was that truce with Buffy that did
it. Dru said I'd gone soft; wasn't demon
enough for the likes of her. I said
it didn't mean anything, I was
thinking of her the whole time; she
didn't care. We got to Brazil and
she was just different, just... I
gave her everything... jewels,
beautiful dresses -- with beautiful
girls in them, nothing made her
happy. And she would flirt... I
caught her on a park bench making out
with a Chaos Demon -- have you ever
seen a Chaos Demon? They're all
slime and antlers, they're
disgusting; she only did it to hurt
me... I said I wasn't putting up with
it anymore, she said fine, I said,
yeah, I've got an unlife, you know...
and she said... she said we could
still be friends! Oh-God, I'm so unhappy!
He bursts into serious tears, buries his head in Willow's shoulder. She is entirely nonplussed.
(into her neck)
Friends! How could she be so cruel?
He holds onto her, letting the sobs subside -- and they do, his grasp becoming a little tighter, more sensual, his face in her neck advancing to nuzzlage. She begins to look increasingly alarmed.
Mmmmm... your neck, that smell...
He lifts his face -- and it's gone vampy.
I haven't had a woman in weeks --
Willow springs up.
Whoah! No! Hold it!
Well, unless you count that shopkeeper...
Now hold on! I'll do your spell,
and, and, I'll get you Drusilla back
but there's no bottles in the face
and there's no "having"! Of any
kind! With me. All right?
He stands, growling -- and a second later his face morphs (greenscreen) back to human.
All right. Get started.
She starts rummaging through the stuff.
I'm not a real witch, you know. I'm
not... sure it'll work right away.
Well, if at first you don't succeed,
I kill him and you try again.
This... isn't enough.
There's other ingredients. And I
need a book, a spell book. This isn't it.
You've got one, though? At home?
Not at home... I left it somewhere...
Spike gets in her face.
INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT
Buffy is jumping rope. The library doors slam open. Buffy spins to see Cordelia and Oz enter, visibly worried.
Oh, thank god. You ARE here.
Not all of us have dates tonight.
INT. CHEMISTRY LAB - NIGHT
Buffy, Cordelia and Oz walk amidst the scene of Xander and Willow's abduction. A big mess. Spell junk spilled all over.
We were supposed to meet them here.
I don't know what could have happened...
Buffy picks up a candle. Runs her finger through a gooey puddle of potion on the counter.
What is all this stuff? Cause I'm
thinking WEIRD science.
Was Willow messing with her magic
tricks again? Maybe they disappeared.
Maybe she turned Xander into
Whatever happened, there was a fight.
There's no blood.
Either they ran, or they were taken, or...
You're having too many "Or"s! Pick one!
I'm not sure. I need you guys to
find Giles. I'll look around --
maybe they didn't go far.
Where is Giles?
He's at some retreat up near the
clearing in Breaker's woods.
I know the spot. But it's like a 45-minute drive.
They split off in opposite directions as they exit the room.
INT. LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Buffy enters and grabs the crossbow out of the cabinet. Her intense focus is broken when the PHONE RINGS in Giles' office. Startled. Could that be him?
Buffy moves to the counter and grabs up the receiver.
Hi, Buffy. Still working out?
Mom. No, I'm...
I was hoping we could schedule a
college talk later tonight.
INT. BUFFY'S KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
CLOSE ON Joyce, glancing at some college brochures in her hand.
I admit I overreacted before. You
don't HAVE to go all the way across
the country. I picked up some
brochures on some NEARBY schools, okay?
SPIKE STEPS INTO FRAME directly behind Joyce. BOO!
INT. LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
That's great, mom, but now's not really...
And her face goes white when she hears the voice on the other end of the line:
A moment, and Buffy drops the phone, sprinting out of frame.
INT. BUFFY'S KITCHEN - NIGHT
CLOSE ON a kettle as it is carried to a mug which sits next to a box of cocoa mix. Joyce pours as Spike continues to talk, his voice thick with emotion:
So I happen to walk by, and she's
making out with a Chaos Demon! And
I said, you know, I don't have to put
up with this, and she said, fine, and
I said, fine, do whatever you want!
I thought we'd make up, you know...
Well, she sounds very unreasonable.
She is! She's out of her mind!
That's what I miss most about her...
Well, Spike, sometimes, even when two
people seem right for each other,
their lives just take different
paths. When Buffy's father and I
started having trouble --
But this is different! Our love was
eternal! Literally! You got any of
those little marshmallows?
Let me look.
EXT. BUFFY'S HOUSE (BACK DOOR) - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Angel walks up slowly to the house, carrying the brochures Buffy left behind at the mansion.
ANGEL'S POV as he sees the back door open and walks up to it. Looks in at Spike and Joyce.
INT. BUFFY'S KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
ANGLE: THE BACK DOOR
Where Angel registers only a split second of disbelief before he reacts, growling and flying through the door, except OOPS, he can't, and he smacks into the invisible barrier with all the force of a really talented mime.
Joyce screams, jumps back into a corner. Spike rises, more calmly, and joins her at her left side.
Oh my god. Get away from here!
Yeah, you're not invited!
He's crazy. He'll kill us!
Not while I breathe!
Well, actually I don't...
Joyce, listen to me!
You get away from this house!
I'll stake you myself.
Spike is visibly amused. Taunts Angel by pointing at Joyce's neck behind her back. Joyce's frightened eyes never leave Angel.
You're a very bad man.
Joyce, you can't trust him.
Invite me in!
As Spike feigns biting motions in the direction of Joyce's neck:
You touch her and I'll cut your head off.
Yah? You and what army?
That would be me.
Spike spins and she's right behind him, roundhouses him right off his feet. He lands in a corner, looks up in fury.
Buffy stands over him, looking imposing.
(eyes on Spike)
Angel. Why don't you come on in.
Angel steps in. Joyce --
-- flitters to the other side of the room.
Spike stands, eyeing them both.
You shouldn't have come back.
I do what I please.
Okay, I'm confused again...
Spike makes a move toward Buffy -- Angel slams him back into the wall. Buffy grabs a wooden spoon --
You took Willow.
You do me now, and you'll never
find the little witch.
Willow's a witch?
Xander's a witch?
Where are they?
Doesn't work like that, peaches, and
when did you become all soul-having
again? I thought you outgrew that.
Your friend's gonna work a little
magic for me. She does my spell,
I let them both go.
You're not famous for keeping promises.
You and your great poof here want to
tag along, fine. But get in my way,
and you kill your friends.
INT. OZ' VAN - NIGHT
(occasional exterior shots of the van throughout this scene, if possible.) Oz drives, Cordy holds a map.
What if they were kidnapped by
Colombian DRUG LORDS? They could be
cutting off Xander's ear right now...
Or other parts!
Oz ignores her, intent on the road.
More and more, Oz starts sniffing the air. Doesn't even realize he's doing it. Sniffs more and more intensely, inching his head out the window.
Oz? You missed the turn.
Oz slows the van to a halt, sniffing harder and harder.
It's Willow. She's nearby
What, you can smell her?
She doesn't even wear perfume.
He sniffs again, throws the van into reverse.
Oh my god. This is a residual
werewolf thing, isn't it? I think
that's very disturbing.
I really agree...
EXT. OZ' VAN - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
As it finishes backing up and turns left, guns down a side street.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE THE MAGIC SHOP - NIGHT
Spike, Angel and Buffy head for the shop.
Just need a few supplies, then I'll
take you -- ohhhh...
Spike groans and clutches his head.
What's wrong, not that I care?
My head. I think I'm sobering up.
It's horrible. Ugh. I wish I was dead.
(pulling out a stake)
Well, if you close your eyes
and wish real hard...
Buffy we still need him to find the others.
"Need him." He's probably just got
'em locked up in the factory.
Spike blanches, but covers:
How thick do you think I am?
All right. Let's just get this done.
As they turn the corner to the shop, Spike stops, staring at a bench.
We killed a homeless man on this
bench. Me and Dru. Good times...
He begged for mercy, and that just
made her bite harder...
He stops. The other two aren't laughing.
I guess you had to be there.
INT. MAGIC SHOP - NIGHT
As the door is forced open by Buffy. It swings in, Buffy ripping police tape off the door frame as she enters. Holding it up to Spike:
Here's the list.
Buffy drops the tape, looks at the list.
"Essence of violet" -- Angel?
He starts hunting --
"Cloves, set of runic tablets" -- and
Spike, you can find the rats eyes.
Now they all look about.
I used to bring her rats...
With the morning paper...
Oh, good, more moping. That's really
gonna win her back, Spike.
The spell's gonna get her back.
Lot of trouble for someone who
doesn't even care about you.
Shut your gob.
She's just kind of fickle...
Spike leaps at him, punches him twice before --
Buffy grabs him, pulls him off. He's still in a fury.
What do you know? It's your fault,
the both of you! She belongs with me.
I'm nothing without her.
That one I'm gonna back up.
(goes back to looking around)
It's just pathetic. You're not even
a loser anymore. You're a shell of a loser.
Yeah, and you're one to talk.
Last time I looked in on you, you two
were fighting to the death. Now
you're back to making googly eyes at
each other like nothing happened.
Makes me want to heave.
Excuse me! There's no eye googling here.
Oh, sure, you're just friends.
You're not friends. You'll never be
friends. You'll be in love till it
kills you both. You'll fight, you'll
shag, you'll hate each other till it
makes you quiver, but you'll never be
friends. Real love isn't brains,
children, it's blood, it's blood
screaming inside you to work its
will. I may be love's bitch, but at
least I'm man enough to admit it.
There is silence. Buffy and Angel are comeback deficient. They resolutely do not look at one another. Spike holds up a jar.
Eye of rat.
INT. DRUSILLA'S ROOM - NIGHT
Xander stirs, moaning.
Putting her shoulder to the door, and getting a sore shoulder for her troubles. She pauses, hears Xander, and runs down to him.
He tries to sit up. She helps him.
Are you okay?
Dizzy. Kinda nauseous, too. Do I
remember having a fight with Spike?
He feels his head -- there is blood dried on it.
I won, right? I kicked his ass.
You were real brave...
He bends over, head down. Holds onto her hand, tight.
Do you need to barf?
No... I'm okay.
Where are we?
The factory. We're locked in the basement.
The factory where Spike lived? Burnt
out place in the middle of nothing...
So we're pretty much into a "scream
all you want" scenario.
Why didn't he just kill us?
He wants me to do a love spell.
Drusilla broke up with him.
Gee, and we'd all hoped those crazy
kids were gonna make it work.
He's out of control. I mean, not
that he was Joe Restraint in the old days...
So what are our options?
Well, I figure either I refuse to do
the spell and he kills us, or I do
the spell, and he kills us.
Give me a third option.
He's so drunk he forgets all about us
and we starve to death. That's sort
of the best one.
He grabs her shoulders, not harshly.
Willow. We're not gonna die. If
he's so drunk he'll get sloppy and
I'll make my move. As long as my
move doesn't involve standing up or
using my limbs, we'll be okay.
She folds into his arms, frightened and weary. Takes comfort there. Their embrace, however, begins to take on subtext. Their faces move closer to each other...
We're not supposed to...
Exemption for Impending Death Situations.
They kiss. They really give themselves up to it. Gently sink to the bed, revealing Oz and Cordelia at the bottom of the stairs, staring at them.
The kissers look over.
Oz and Cordy just stand there staring as Willow and Xander scramble to a seated position.
Oh, God... Oz...
We have to get out of here.
Xander jumps off the bed, moves a couple steps toward Cordy and stops.
CLOSE ON Cordelia, devastated. She turns and runs up the stairs.
Just as she's out of view, we hear part of the staircase COLLAPSE. Cordy SCREAMS as she plummets through, then a CRASH, then silence. All three run to the stairs.
Near the top, the stairs have collapsed, leaving the gaping, splintered hole through which Cordy fell.
Willow, Oz and Xander reach the edge of the hole and peer down.
One level down, Cordelia lies on her back in shock amidst a debris pile.
CAMERA MOVES down her body to her abdomen, out of which pokes a big sharp piece of metal from behind. Skewered. Looks bad.
ANGLE: THE CREW ABOVE
All three shell-shocked at the sight.
EXT. MAGIC SHOP - NIGHT
Buffy, Angel and Spike exit and close the door behind them. They start walking down the sidewalk, all carrying magic shop items.
We got the stuff. So where are they?
What's your hurry?
My hurry is my intense desire to get
you out of my life. You tend to make trouble.
Well, I'll be out of your life in a
few short hours. No trouble at all.
The three look up to see five vampires waiting for them at the end of the road. The leader LENNY, stands in front, smiling coldly.
Spike and the others stop, exceedingly wary. Look behind them.
Five more vampires stand there.
No trouble at all...
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE THE MAGIC SHOP - NIGHT
The stand off.
Lenny... how've you been?
Better since you left. You should
have stayed gone.
Is that right?
You know, he was just leaving...
Don't you start something.
That pissant used to work for me!
My friends are in trouble.
We cannot risk this.
I don't think we have a choice.
You other two can walk away from this.
I die, your chums die...
I guess we're staying.
Not for long.
He motions -- and all ten rush our people at once.
(NOTE: the fighting in this act will be indicated only generally.)
ANGLE: BUFFY jumps into the Espresso Pump. Three follow, and she crashes about in there, managing to stake one.
ANGLE: ANGEL almost makes it to the door -- but two attack him, and they trade blows.
ANGLE: SPIKE jumps on top of a car, where they can only rush him one or two at a time. He plays king of the hill, and seems to be winning. One of them attacks him with a jagged wooden fencepost -- and is soon wearing it in his chest. (Two down.)
Buffy throws the two left on her, heads over to Angel and helps him take on his two.
Spike leaps off the car and joins the others. They run into the shop.
INT. MAGIC SHOP - CONTINUOUS
They pile in, slam the door behind them -- and Buffy moves a cabinet in front of it. (NOTE: the door should not be glass.)
It's got a gate rolled in front of it, but the vampires are pulling at it furiously.
Spike and Angel instantly heave a giant bookcase in front of it.
Spike grabs a chair and smashes it on the floor. Tosses a makeshift stake to each of the others, grabs one himself.
They stand, the three of them in the middle of the store. Camera moves in on them, low, as they wait.
This should be a kick...
I violently dislike you.
BOOM! The backdoor flies open. Angel runs to it, clotheslines the first vamp through and hits the wall, slams it shut after two more get in. Keeps his back to it, despite pounding.
Spike spars with the first. Buffy is caught between the other two, by the sliding ladder in the middle of the store. Ladder-fu ensues.
The back door is getting seriously pounded.
INT. DRUSILLA'S BEDROOM/STAIRCASE - NIGHT
Xander and Willow at the edge of the hole, directly above Cordelia.
Cordy? Don't move! Oz went for help!
Don't move! Don't even talk...
From below, very feeble:
No! That's talking! DON'T talk!
I'm going down there.
It's too unstable, Xander!
Will, she needs someone with her.
Xander looks to Willow for approval, and against her better judgement, she gives him the nod.
Using whatever he can grab hold of, Xander starts to lower himself down into the guts of the staircase. Everything he touches cracks or at least creaks.
ANGLE: UP AT WILLOW
At the edge of the hole. She cries and squeaks the occasional "careful!" as she watches Xander descend.
INT. MAGIC SHOP - NIGHT
Buffy stakes one of hers, knocks the other unconscious. Spike is having a little more trouble (he's still a teensy bit woozy) but he stakes his as well.
The front door and window are still being pounded at.
ANGLE: ANGEL listens -- his door seems to be deserted now.
We have to get out of here.
Can we get to the roof?
The door behind him SLOWS INWARD, torn off its hinges by the combined strength of the two vamps (one of whom is LENNY) behind it. It falls on Angel, and they vault over it.
She meets them head on, knocking one into oblivion and proceeding to her fallen boyfriend.
Lenny reaches Spike and they go at it. Lenny gets the upper hand, knocking Spike to the ground.
Yeah, I heard you'd gone soft.
Sad to see it, man.
Spike's expression hardens. He stands.
Like baby food.
Spike grins. The OLD grin. One of the knocked out vamps stands behind him -- Spike's caught between him and Lenny.
Well, then. Let's give Baby a taste.
They come at him, and he moves like lightning. He fucks them up.
Is pulling Angel out from under the door.
I'm all right.
You're not at full strength yet.
That window's about to go.
We'll get out the back --
He is looking at the shelves behind her. She turns, sees what he sees.
ANGLE: ON THE SHELVES
in rows, stacked like cans of beans and priced at $2.99 a piece, are jars of holy water.
Has Lenny in a headlock (the other vamp is down or dead) and is slamming his head repeatedly into the wall.
Baby like his supper?
Baby like his supper?
He is brimming with maniacal glee as he lets Lenny's limp body fall to the ground. Grabs a wood shard.
Why doesn't baby have a nap?
He stands, breathing hard, facing Buffy and Angel.
Spike... Get down.
He looks at her quizzically -- and the bookcase tumbles in behind him. The remaining vamps stand in the window, triumphant.
Buffy and Angel start hurling mason jars like hand grenades. One after another, they explode on the vamps. Smoke pours from the vamps as they retreat en masse.
Spike watches from the ground, pleased. Gets up when quiet settles.
Buffy and Angel stand together in the back of the shop.
Now that was fun.
(off their looks)
Don't tell me that wasn't fun. GOD!
It's been so long since I had a
decent spot of violence!
Really puts things in perspective.
Angel moves -- and clutches his side, doubling over slightly. Buffy grabs him, supports him.
I got you...
Oh yeah. You two. Just friends.
No danger there.
Let's just do the damn spell,
Oh, sod the spell. Your friends
are in the factory.
(off her surprised look)
I'm glad I came here, you know? I
been all wrongheaded about this.
Weeping, crawling, blaming everybody
else. I want Dru back, I just have
to be the man I was. The man she
loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda
done in the first place. I'll find
her, wherever she is... and I'll tie
her up and torture her until she
likes me again.
He heads out the back door, passing the non-plussed couple. Stops, and turns back to them.
Love's a funny thing...
INT. TUNNELS BENEATH THE STAIRS - NIGHT
ANGLE ON: XANDER
He kneels cradling Cordy in the guts of the staircase, holding her hand. A lot of blood is now visible around her wound. Xander is crying.
Willow still stands at the top of the hole, also distraught.
Just hold on. Please. Hold on...
I can't see you...
CLOSE ON Cordelia as her eyes roll back in her head and her body goes limp. As far as we know, she just died.
EXT. CEMETERY - DAY
A wide shot of a FUNERAL in full swing. A PRIEST is saying all the typical "ashes to ashes" stuff (too far away to be seen) to the assembled mourners.
... because God did not make death,
and he does not delight in the death
of the living. For he created all
things that they might exist, and the
generative forces of the world are
wholesome, and there is no
destructive poison in them; and the
dominion of Hades is not on earth.
For righteousness is immortal.
We arm down just long enough that we're convinced it's Cordy's funeral, then the camera finds Buffy and Willow walking in foreground.
So, Cordy's okay.
Yeah. She lost a lot of blood,
but no vital stuff got punctured.
Has she talked to Xander?
(shaking her head)
She couldn't have visitors at first.
He's going today.
Willow looks down. After a bit:
I didn't know there was anything
inside me that could feel this bad.
Buffy puts her arm around her.
For the longest time I couldn't figure
out what I wanted. I wanted everything.
(a tear runs out)
Now I just want Oz to talk to me again.
Give it some time. And get ready to grovel.
I'm ready. I'm all over groveling.
Good. You know, sometimes that can
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
Xander appears at the door, grovel-ready, with a humongous bunch of flowers.
Cordelia lies in bed, facing the window.
Can I come in?
She turns to see him. He comes in, places flowers near her bed.
They wouldn't let me see you till now.
She says nothing.
Look, Cordy, I just need you to know that --
Xander moves in close to her face.
Stay away from me.
He looks at her, the slowly moves from the bed. She looks back towards the window, pain etched on her face.
EXT. MANSION GARDEN - NIGHT
Buffy finds Angel in the garden. She moves slowly behind him, and he turns. They stand a ways apart.
I wondered when you were coming.
I'm not coming back.
He takes this in. Maybe it's not a total shock, but it still feels like a body blow.
We're not friends. Never were. I
can fool Giles, I can fool my
friends, but I can't fool myself. Or
Spike, for some reason. What I want
from you, I can never have. You
don't need me to take care of you any
more, so I'm gonna go.
I don't accept that.
You have to.
There must be some way we can still
see each other.
There is. Just tell me you don't love me.
He is silent. After a long beat, she leaves. He lets her.
Somber music from some band of young hipsters (or perhaps a stunning Lilith Fair chanteuse) plays on the soundtrack as we see Angel, standing in silent grief.
MUSIC CONTINUES OVER:
A series of images: the kids in misery.
INT. WILLOW'S BEDROOM - DAY
Willow sits on her bed, holding her witch Pez.
INT. BRONZE - DAY
Oz sits, practicing his guitar. The place is empty, chairs on tables. Lonely tableau.
INT. LIBRARY - AFTERNOON (DAY)
Xander shelves books, not really into it.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
Cordelia in her bed. Half-eaten tray of crappy hospital food in front of her. She stares into space, detached.
EXT. PALM QUAD - DAY
Buffy sits by herself. The song ends here.
A beat. Then all at once, loud music starts up:
EXT. HIGHWAY/INT. SPIKE'S CAR - DAY
Spike merrily drives down the road, happy to be undead again. He lights a cig and sings along with the song. Scene is timed so that just as Sid/Spike sing the "I did it my way" lyric, we: